A podcast featuring the quiet and strong Sophie Morris, perfect for introverted teens and parents.

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Show Notes

When you don’t understand your introversion, you can feel broken, isolated, and alone — especially if you are a teenager.  In today’s podcast, I’m interviewing Sophie Morris, a coach for introverted teens and their parents, mentor and advocate at Quietosophy®. She is the UK’s leading expert on introversion for children and teenagers.

 Join us as we talk about teens and introversion, gain a better understanding on parenting introverts, hear tips about how you can support your own introverted children on their journey, and help them be strong.

Guest: Sophie Morris

Contact Sophie:

Website: Quietosphy.com

LinkedIn – sophie-morris-coaching

Instagram – @quietosophy

Facebook – @quietosophy

– – –

Contact the Host of the Quiet and Strong Podcast:

David Hall

Author, Speaker, Educator, Podcaster

david [at] quietandstrong.com

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Timestamped Overview

00:00 Weekly podcast for introverts, embracing introversion, featuring UK’s leading expert Sophie Morris.

05:31 Embracing introversion, trust in instincts, observing and listening skills used in coaching.

06:55 Introverts prefer deep conversations over small talk, process thoughts before speaking, and may be misunderstood as shy.

12:53 Former stress management professional focuses on helping introverts embrace their nature, inspired by older client’s struggle.

16:58 Supporting introverted children, understanding inherent traits, and managing energy for a better experience.

20:28 Understanding and embracing your natural personality and the need for connection in different ways.

24:17 Shorter sessions with teens, need balance of space and feedback, safe environment for online coaching.

28:52 Encouraging open communication with children through shared activities.

33:10 Teachers are becoming more aware of different temperaments and making classrooms more inclusive. Self-reflection and finding space is important for everyone.

36:18 Launching a coaching program for parents and children in November, with personalized sessions and practical tools.

37:48 Invitation to connect, share, and understand introverts. Contact at quietandstrong.com.

Podcast Transcript

Sophie Morris [00:00:00]:

But also just helping them feel proud of who they are and actually realizing that their experience of the world is just as valid as an extrovert’s experience of the world. Because neither is better or worse. We’re just different. And that’s why we really need to understand, all of us, the difference between the two temperaments.

David Hall [00:00:25]:

Hello, and welcome to the Quiet and Strong podcast, especially for introverts. I’m your host, David Hall, and the creator of quietandstrong.com. This is a weekly podcast dedicated to understanding the strengths and needs of introverts. Introversion is not something to fix, but to be embraced normally. We’ll air each episode on a Monday. Be sure to subscribe on your favorite platform. Sophie Morris is an introvert coach, mentor and advocate at Quietosophy. She is the UK’s leading expert on introversion for children and teenagers. Her passion is all things introversion and her mission is to educate people about what introversion really is and isn’t, so that life becomes easier for all. Sophie supports introverted children and their parents with expert coaching and courses. Her clients learn how their quiet nature can work for them so they can succeed on their own terms without having to shout, with a lifelong fascination with what makes people tick. Understanding that she was an introvert was life changing. Sophie wants other quiet people to realize that they don’t need fixing. In fact, their introversion could just be their greatest strength. All right, I’m very excited for our guest, Sophie Morris. Sophie Morris is a coach and she specializes in helping introverted teens and their parents. And she’s also the founder of Quiet Osophy. It’s great to have you. Welcome, Sophie.

Sophie Morris [00:02:02]:

Hi, David. It’s lovely to be here. And I’m really excited to be a guest on your podcast.

David Hall [00:02:07]:

All right. Sophie and I both were involved with the quietly successful, quietly influential Summit. I spoke at the first one and she spoke at the second one, and I just really have enjoyed her content ever since on LinkedIn. As I said, she specializes in helping introverted teens and their parents, and we both have teens and it’s a very relevant topic, or I even just think of back to myself as a teen when introversion wasn’t discussed at all. And I definitely had some challenges that really could have helped by understanding myself and who I was. And so I’m really excited to get into this conversation today because introversion, it comes to us very naturally as we talk today. Me and my wife are both introverts. We’re not exactly the same. We have a lot in common, but we have three children, two extroverts, one introvert. We raised them very much the same, but from the very beginning, they have their own unique personalities, all very amazing, but all with very different gifts. So, Sophie, tell us about yourself and, of course, your journey at first to discover your own introversion and how you embrace that.

Sophie Morris [00:03:28]:

Well, I think a bit like we were saying earlier. I know that I was an introvert when I was a teenager. I thought there was something wrong with me. The fact that there were lots of things that everybody else seemed to be doing around me that they found really easy, which I found much harder. So really, for me, I guess I found out I was an introvert in my 30s, but it wasn’t a sudden kind of light bulb moment. It was more a gradual understanding of being the way that I was. And as I started to understand more, I started to read around the topic and things made more sense. And I think particularly looking back at those teenage years, there would have been a lot of times that life might have been a bit easier if I had understood my temperament. I was quiet, but I had a lovely group of friends. And I think this is one of the misconceptions that some people do have about introverts is they think they’re loners, they prefer to be alone, and some introverts do. But that’s not all of us. We’re a really broad group of people. And I as a teenager had a great group of friends, but because I didn’t know I was an introvert, I didn’t realize I needed time alone. And I would often burn myself out by being out and about with people and then not understanding why I’d become so drained and why they needed to go to bed for a day or two, because I just completely burnt my social battery right down.

David Hall [00:04:57]:

Yeah, that sounds really familiar. I had a great group of friends, too, but at the same time, I definitely didn’t mind being alone. But I also looking back, I did need some time alone, but again, I had a great group of friends. I planned big events, and there’s a lot of misunderstanding that goes along with it. So how did you embrace your own introversion? What are some things that really clicked with you to realize, hey, I’m an introvert, and there’s strengths with this, and I am amazing how I am? How did that happen for you?

Sophie Morris [00:05:31]:

I think it’s been a work in progress over the last few years, and I’m definitely a proud introvert now. But I certainly wasn’t to begin with, because even when I did find out I was an introvert, I didn’t know what to do with that knowledge. You kind of go, okay, I’m an introvert, but the world’s made for extroverts. So how does that help me? I think in part it’s been learning about introversion, as I’ve mentioned already, kind of reading, watching, listening to as much as I can. But I think it’s also learning to trust myself and all the things that came very instinctively to me, which I somehow felt were wrong with me when I was growing up. Such as being really good at observing, maybe. Not being the first person to join in in any event, but actually, I like checking out the lie of the land and seeing what’s happening before I then join in. Those observational skills are one of my superpowers that I really use in my coaching and the same with listening. I really want to know what makes people tick. I’m not interested so much in the superficial conversations. I can do small talk. I understand it’s kind of, I guess a necessary evil and it’s what gets you to the good stuff. But actually I would far rather talk to people about really interesting, deep and as I say, kind of what makes them tick. So I think learning to trust myself as I had the knowledge about what introversion was has really helped me to go, okay, do you know what? This is actually pretty cool.

David Hall [00:06:55]:

Yeah. And that’s what it is. It’s like we naturally go deep in thought. More than not we drift into our own worlds. That’s a reason why we don’t really enjoy small talk because we want to get right to the good stuff, right to the meteor topics and that’s not going to change for us. Right, right. Another big epiphany for me was just realizing that the way we process things and the way we communicate that we think first and then we speak and then extroverts, I always say that end up saying this wrong. Extroverts speak in order to think. So we hear everything. Well, not everything but almost everything from them where we’re sharing what we think is most important. And when you don’t understand that and you get run over in a conversation, that can have an impact. We’ll both say introversion isn’t shyness. But if you don’t understand that, you could be shy. And that’s what I say. If an introvert or extrovert is shy they can overcome it by understanding, hey, I think first and then speak. And I have a lot of great things to say but I always or not always a lot of times I’m going to have to think first and with me it’s like if I’ve thought a lot about something then it might just come naturally and I don’t have to think about something. But that’s a big difference for us, for sure.

Sophie Morris [00:08:25]:

Yeah, I agree. And I think that knowledge of thinking to speak, particularly with a lot of the kids that I work with, when you’re in a classroom situation and you get called upon to speak, the extroverts are a real advantage because they’re working out what they want to say while they’re speaking. Whereas the introverts as you say, we need to process that information before we’re able to speak and it can really put children at a disadvantage.

David Hall [00:08:49]:

Yeah. And that’s something that I figured out. I had kind of a rough start at the university but that’s one thing that I figured out was, oh, I really should read this material ahead of time and so I’m prepared and that really was a turning point and you probably have found things like that with working in the work that you’re doing.

Sophie Morris [00:09:13]:

Yeah, absolutely. Having the opportunity to prepare is something that really helps introverts.

David Hall [00:09:20]:

Yeah. Preparation is key. So I said that introversion doesn’t equal shy. Are there any other common myths that you’d like to bust?

Sophie Morris [00:09:31]:

I almost don’t know where to start.

David Hall [00:09:33]:

Right, there’s a lot. Yeah. I just did a podcast on ten of them. What are a couple of your no.

Sophie Morris [00:09:41]:

There was one that I was thinking about earlier, which happens to me quite a lot and I don’t know if you have the same thing, but it’s when people come up to me and they kind of go, you don’t look like an introvert. And it’s like, okay. And I think what they mean is that it’s a compliment to me because it’s like, okay, so you’re personable and I’m guessing I enjoy speaking to you, but the implication obviously is that all other introverts aren’t like that you don’t look like an introvert. That’s one that I seem to get quite frequently and I do try and kind of go, well, hang on a minute, what are you implying here?

David Hall [00:10:18]:

Yeah. Or even the number that 50% of the population are introverts. And I often get surprised reactions to that. And it’s because people don’t understand what it is and it means we have a lot of work to do, Sophie. We still have a lot to do because people are looking at here’s what it is and it’s really not. Is there another myth that you want to dispel?

Sophie Morris [00:10:47]:

I think probably well, one again, that has affected me and I know I’m not the only one, is kind of thinking that introverts are somehow aloof or think they’re better than other people. And I think this comes back in part to what we were talking about earlier, about that think to speak process that as introverts we need is if I am in a new situation socially, I’m not going to be the first person going up and initiating conversation. Generally. Sometimes I will, but generally not, I will kind of let other people start things and then join in. So I think sometimes that behavior that standing back and observing and kind of taking things in before you start to act can be seen as being aloof. And it’s not at all. But as I say, it’s something that I’ve certainly had other people think about me and say to me, and I think it is fairly common with other introverts as well.

David Hall [00:11:39]:

Yeah. And sometimes I might appear like maybe I’m out and about and maybe I run into someone I know and I may not notice right away and that could be seen as being aloof. And I’ve learned just to say, oh, sorry, I was lost in thought there, because that happens and we definitely can be misunderstood as being aloof sometimes because maybe we’re lost in thought or maybe our facial expression doesn’t match what’s going on in our head. And that’s just some things that we need to understand.

Sophie Morris [00:12:17]:

Yeah, absolutely.

David Hall [00:12:20]:

So how did you start working with teens? And again, I think that’s so important and that’s why I’m having you on today because I think the earlier we can start with helping introverts and also extroverts understand. We need to understand each other. It’s hard enough to be a teen without being misunderstood about your natural personality type. So how did you get going with working with introverted teens and their parents?

Sophie Morris [00:12:53]:

Well, it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while. My business prior to working with introverts, I worked in stress management and anxiety and I had a really broad range of clients. The youngest were kind of 13, the eldest were in their seventy s. And actually it was a lady who I was working with who was in her seventy s that her story really stuck with me because she didn’t know that she was an introvert and she came to me for help with managing her stress levels. And actually what it came down to was that a lot of the issues that she had been experiencing throughout her life were actually down to being an introvert and down to the fact not only that she didn’t understand what it meant, but that the world around her hadn’t understood what it meant. So she had a difficult relationship with her husband who was very extroverted and didn’t understand her sort of naturally quiet nature and didn’t really make allowances for the way she preferred to do things. And really this was the story that she told me throughout her life from as a child, she was sent away to a boarding school. She was kind of ridiculed for the fact that she maybe sometimes took a bit of time to think of the answers to questions as we were just talking about. And really it was working with her. And I found it really inspirational that she did try to embrace change, but I also found it heartbreaking that this woman had lived nearly 80 years of her life without understanding why she was the way she was. And actually it was her almost more than the children I’d already been working with that made me go, do you know what? That’s where I need to focus. And also personally, as a teenager, I wish I’d known I was an introvert. It really would have made a difference. So it was those things that really made me decide that was where I was going to be focusing my energy.

David Hall [00:14:33]:

Yeah, that is heartbreaking because again, when you can understand yourself, it’s life changing and understand, you have strengths and yeah, I hate to hear stories like that because life could have been very different for that person. I’m just curious, how does coaching work with teens? What are the big things that you’re helping them embrace about themselves and their introversion?

Sophie Morris [00:15:05]:

I think, although obviously all my clients are different, but there are themes and I think some teenagers who I work with are more sensitive than others. We’ve talked about kind of highly sensitive and I think that can be particularly challenging, especially if you’re a boy, because there still is quite a lot of macho sort of pressure to be alpha. And really what I try and do with the children who I work with, the teenagers I work with is to meet them where they are, to not tell them they have to be anything they don’t. And actually it’s in part sort of education about what introversion is, how it shows up in their life, but also it’s about validating their nature and making them realize that there isn’t something wrong with it. Like you said, we’re 50% of the population, yet we’re made to feel like a minority. And I think the combination of education validating. And then we do work on practical steps for so it might be going into social situations how they can actually try and feel more comfortable and confident in those situations, but also just helping them feel proud of who they are and actually realizing that their experience of the world is just as valid as an extrovert’s experience of the world. Because neither is better or worse. We’re just different. And that’s why we really need to understand, all of us, the difference between the two temperaments.

David Hall [00:16:28]:

Yeah. And it’s good. Again, we need introverts, we need extroverts, but it’s not good or bad. And unfortunately, sometimes we’re made to feel that way. So again, I know all introverts are different, but what’s a couple of common strategies that you use in helping teens and their parents?

Sophie Morris [00:16:47]:

So with the parents, the parents, it slightly depends if the parent is an extrovert or an introvert because obviously they have a slightly different take on it.

David Hall [00:16:55]:

Yeah, that’s another thing. Yes, absolutely.

Sophie Morris [00:16:58]:

And I think when you have an introverted parent with an introverted child, that can be a great benefit because they get you, they understand where you’re coming from. But at the same time, the introverted parent has to be quite careful that they don’t put any of their stuff from growing up on their child. Because we’re wide group people, there are lots of different introverts. And just because of a parent situation doesn’t necessarily mean that their child’s going to experience introversion in the same way. So first of all, I do like to find out if the parents are introverts or extroverts with the extroverts who I work with. And actually my husband’s an extrovert and we have two kids. One is both our children are introverts, one more introverted than the other. And there are certain things that our eldest will do that my husband just or doesn’t or certainly didn’t understand. And we’ll be like, well, hang on a minute, why is this happening? And with the knowledge of introversion, you kind of go, okay. Because it’s just not the way he’s wired. So again, when I’m working with parents, it’s trying to help them understand actually, this is innate. This isn’t a choice. This isn’t something your child’s doing to be difficult. The fact that they want to go off in their bedroom when they get home from school doesn’t mean they don’t like you or don’t care about you. They just need some time. So I think sort of the work with, you know, the work with the parents depends very much on their viewpoint on things. And with the teenagers, with the children, it’s just about supporting them and listening. Because I think often when you are an introvert in a noisy school environment, you can feel that you’re not listened to and actually you are invisible. So it’s helping them to understand that actually their concerns are valid, and I am there to listen to them and to actually help them to come up with practical strategies on a day to day level, but also kind of longer term to understand how they can manage their energy. Because I think as soon as children or any introverts can manage their energy, everything else around them becomes so much easier.

David Hall [00:19:01]:

Yeah. So you mentioned parents may be being concerned, like, why is my child going off into their room after school? And that can be something to understand. Another concern I can think of is it’s common for introverts to have a small circle of friends, and that’s normal. Do you get that concern from parents? Like, my child doesn’t have enough friends, kind of thing?

Sophie Morris [00:19:25]:

Yeah, absolutely. And also from the children themselves, because I think they’re surrounded by seemingly huge groups of people. And I think it’s really important for both parents and the children who I work with to understand that it’s okay if you have a smaller group of friends. Maybe that’s just the right level of friendship and the right level of interaction that you need. But because there is this pressure to have a much larger group of friends, you feel that urge. But actually you probably wouldn’t enjoy it if you naturally would rather be in smaller groups. Suddenly being surrounded by 20 people is going to feel really overwhelming to you. But what I do make sure that I do with both the children I work with and with the parents, is make sure that if their child is unhappy with the number of friends they have, that that is different. If you are comfortable and you have good friends, that’s okay. It doesn’t matter if it’s one friend, two friends, three, that’s okay. But if your child is feeling isolated and then it’s not through choice, the number of friends. And that’s where we need sort of some extra support.

David Hall [00:20:28]:

I think you hit a key point there. And this is for all introverts, teenager, adult. Are you happy? Do you have what you want? And if you don’t, if you want more friends or you want something, you want to do something, understanding yourself will help you get there, and that’s what it is, because you’re not going to say, here’s the number of friends that you should have. It’s like, are you happy with how your life is going? Are you happy with the job that you have, with the work that you’re doing, with the number of friends, with your social life? And I think that’s key, and to me, it’s understanding your natural personality and gifts and how to embrace your strengths. That’s how you get there. And with the friends, it’s like, we want to have those deep conversations that we were talking about earlier, and that’s where the smaller circle of friends, those are really deep relationships, and it’s somebody that knows you very well and knows and that’s important to you. I think we learned a lot over the last year and a half with the Pandemic. People were saying, yeah, introverts, they’re just totally happy with this, they’re home working from home. And I think I definitely felt isolated sometimes. I had my wife and my three kids, who I love dearly. I wouldn’t rather spend any time with anybody else, but at the same time, I was cut off from I went to the store occasionally, but other than that, I was cut off from other family and friends and definitely there were feelings of isolation. So we all need connection. It just looks different from introvert to extrovert, but I think we talked about that. Yeah, introverts, we do need connection, we do like people. That’s kind of a silly myth that’s out there.

Sophie Morris [00:22:34]:

Yeah, absolutely. And like you, my experience with the Pandemic, I think the first few weeks, in some senses, it was a relief. We have two teenage children, as I already described, so life’s kind of busy normally, and actually, suddenly all those things stopping happening in some way was quite a relief. We were very lucky. We were well, we weren’t affected by the virus in that sense, but, like, you a few weeks in, I miss my friends, I miss seeing people. And while I love my husband and my kids desperately, I actually needed more than that. And I think, like you said, that’s something that a lot of people don’t understand from introverts. Kind of like, oh, great, you don’t have to see anyone. The Pandemic must be great for you.

David Hall [00:23:14]:

You must love lockdown, right? Yeah. And I mean, we definitely need our quiet time. I need to have some time every day, but I need some interaction every day, and everybody’s different. There may be people out there that just want to quiet time all the time, but I haven’t met a lot of them. Mostly I know I need a mix.

Sophie Morris [00:23:42]:

And I think that stereotype of kind of the introverted hermit, the introverted loner, like you said, I think it is largely incorrect, because we all need connection. It’s part of what makes us human and actually people who don’t want or need that connection. That may be something more to do with social anxiety or something else that’s going on rather than actually to do with being an introvert.

David Hall [00:24:08]:

Definitely. So what’s different about coaching a teen versus coaching an adult?

Sophie Morris [00:24:17]:

Sometimes it can be down to the attention span. Some kids maybe don’t always want to speak to me. Some are great, but I think normally when I work with adults, they’ve made the choice to come. And I won’t work with children if I feel that they’re being forced by their parents. But equally, there’s sometimes a bit of reluctance or not even reluctance to come, but just some weeks they find it harder to open up and to speak than others. So I guess that is one of the reasons, one of the differences. I think one of the other things is actually my sessions with teenagers tend to be shorter than the ones with adults and that seems to work better. Again, it depends slightly on the child who I’m working with. But I find sometimes sort of almost shorter, kind of more focused is actually better for them rather than talking for too long. And particularly, again, different introverts talk different amounts, don’t they? And in a coaching relationship, you want to give someone space, but equally you do need to get something back because you can make it quite hard to help and support them. So it’s trying to get the balance with the teenagers that they feel comfortable, they feel heard, and actually they feel they can open up to me. And I do make sure, particularly now that everything’s happening online, that when I am working with a teenager, that they feel safe at home, that they don’t feel like their parents are listening at the door. And I understand that from a parental perspective, if you’re worried about your child, of course you want to make sure that things are going okay. But it’s really important to make sure that whoever my clients are, that actually the space that they’re in is somewhere that they feel they can speak without worrying about somebody sort of listening over their shoulders.

David Hall [00:25:58]:

Yeah, absolutely. Again, there’s plenty of challenges to being a teenager. What do you think are some of the biggest challenges they’re facing, especially as they’re not understanding their introversion?

Sophie Morris [00:26:14]:

I think it’s the social pressures. I think the social pressures are not just from their peers but from the external world. I mean, if you think you look at what’s on TV, you look at what’s on social media and the vast majority of that is people who are extroverted, who are out there, who are seemingly very comfortable with sharing themselves with the world. And I think there is an expectation on teenagers to do that as well to a greater or lesser level. So I think that social pressure of putting themselves out there, but also that social pressure feeling that they need to be surrounded by a group of friends. As we mentioned earlier, I think that is hard. And as you already said, being a teenager is tough. But if on top of that, you don’t understand that you’re an introvert, it’s like another level of complication that is actually making something harder than it needs to be. But I think, yeah, social pressures is probably the biggest thing. Social pressures and number of friendships are probably the two most common topics that we deal with.

David Hall [00:27:20]:

All right, so what would you tell teenage Sophie if you had the.

Sophie Morris [00:27:29]:

Yeah, okay. I would tell teenage Sophie to hang on in there, it’s all okay, there’s nothing wrong with her. She’s not broken, she’s just an introvert. And I think I would have told teenage Sophie to take it easy sometimes and actually not get herself to the point of introvert hangover quite as frequently as she did because she didn’t understand that she needed that quiet time. And I think instinctively, I did know that I needed that quiet time and I would find ways for it, but I didn’t prioritize it enough for myself. So I think, yeah, tell teenage Sophie it was all going to be okay and to trust her gut, because actually her gut knew what she needed to be doing.

David Hall [00:28:10]:

All right, sounds great. We talked about sometimes the introvert might need that break, but as parents, where’s that balance, where we want to help challenge our kids to be their best self, but also respect who they are. So maybe a child is spending too much time alone where there’s some other things that they might like to do. So how do we understand their introversion but yet help, you know, give them that right push to excel and be that great person that they are?

Sophie Morris [00:28:52]:

Yeah. And it is a balancing act, isn’t it? Because it can be quite a fine line between what your child needs and actually then it crossing over to being too much. But equally, you don’t want to force them out of their kind of not even their comfort zone, but out of where they need to be to grow. And I think obviously it does depend from child to child, but what I try to encourage the parents to do is to find situations where their children will open up to them. And I think sometimes sitting sort of across from one another at a table or a more formal type conversation can be quite awkward for a teenager. So one of the things that I suggest is actually doing shared activities, whether it’s washing up because you’re kind of side by side, and I think those side by side conversations really take the pressure off and actually it can help you understand what’s really going on with your child. And it also may mean that they’re slightly receptive, more receptive to what you’re saying as a parent with your concerns, rather than if they’re sat. Down, and it feels almost like it’s an interrogation. So I think finding the right time to make those conversations really helps. And I think also to help your child understand what they’re capable of and actually that they don’t need to be shut in their bedroom all the time. They may need that some of the time, but helping them realize what they’re capable of as well can actually help them feel more comfortable to sort of push themselves a little.

David Hall [00:30:24]:

Okay. And to me, it’s all about understanding our strengths as an introvert and also what we need. Again, 50% of the population, we all have different aspects of our personalities, but what are some strengths that come from introversion that you see in teens and adults?

Sophie Morris [00:30:50]:

I think one of the strengths that I see most frequently is how thoughtful they are. How thoughtful they are not only about themselves, but about other people. That because I think we talked about that need for deep connection, and I think it makes them very aware of the world around them. And I also wonder if, as an introvert, who may often have felt that they have been slightly invisible or have been spoken over, they’re very conscious of other people in that situation and do try and include other people and understand other people who are in that situation. I think, yeah, introverts are great at listening, aren’t they? They’re really good. I think also because we do spend quite a lot of time internally, we like to think things through. We can be great problem solvers, and that’s what I love. But it’s kind of creative problems. We need time. We’re not going to be able to kind of come up with something on the spot. But actually, if you give an introvert time, they’ll probably come up with something really creative that maybe nobody else has thought about.

David Hall [00:31:52]:

Yeah. And that’s a key. And it’s like some of my best ideas come with time. Sometimes you’re not given that luxury. Sometimes you don’t need it because with your experience, you’ve already thought about something. But some of my best ideas come with time. And one of the things I really realized with the lockdown is I had a lot of thoughts on my drive into work and home from work. That was a time where I was alone, and I had some great ideas from that time, just giving some time to think. And sometimes I did take the time to think and looking backwards. I’m like, if I hadn’t I came up with a really good idea here, but if I hadn’t taken the time, things would have gone badly or wouldn’t have been as good of idea. And we need to ask for that. Hey, let me have some time to think about that and give a deadline, like, let me get back to you tomorrow, or Let me get back to you in an hour, or whatever it is that you need. And I think that’s important and sometimes that can be seen as a bad thing too. But really, I think it’s one of our superpowers. Sometimes with time we can really come up with some great stuff.

Sophie Morris [00:33:10]:

Absolutely. And I think your point about communicating, about what you need is really important. And I think teachers well, I’m thinking about the teenagers who I always I think some teachers are getting more aware of temperaments. It’s not something that’s taught in teacher training or certainly not in the UK. I’m not so sure about in America, but I think teachers are trying to make the classroom a more inclusive place for everybody and actually being able to say, do you know what, can I have a bit of time? Or maybe can I have this information in advance of the lesson so I can think about it or at least know what the topic is going to be that we’re going to discuss. That can really help because like you say, if we’ve thought about something before, we don’t necessarily need the time to think when we’re on the spot, but having extra time. And I know for me, during lockdown I walked, that was kind of my thing. So going off in the morning and going for a walk on my own a helps kind of clear my head, but also really helps with ideas and with creativity and solving problems. And pretty much every day I will come home going, okay, yeah, that was what I got out of the walk today. And I think it’s for everyone to find what it is that works for them so that they have that space that they need.

David Hall [00:34:19]:

Yeah, absolutely. And yeah, there’s a lot of work to be done in the school still and half the population are introverts, so there’s a lot of introverted teachers. And sometimes amongst introverts, we don’t even understand ourselves. We might think, well, why does that person need time to think? But we need it. We need to understand ourselves too.

Sophie Morris [00:34:43]:

And that’s the thing. David and I find myself doing that sometimes as well. I mean, less than I did, but still get caught out. Because I think we are so programmed, aren’t we, to kind of question the introvert way of things, because we all should be able to do it in an extroverted way. And you kind of think people like you and I who are educated about this, who are very aware of introvert and introvert, and if we’re still doing it, there’s so much work to be done.

David Hall [00:35:05]:

Okay, this has been a wonderful conversation. Is there anything else that you would like that we haven’t talked about that people to know about helping their introverted teens or being a parent to an introverted teen?

Sophie Morris [00:35:22]:

I think the most important thing that parents can do with their introverted child is to validate their child’s nature. I think that if parents could do one thing that is the most important thing, because then your child understands that they’re wired differently and they physically are. Brain scans show that introverts and extroverts brains are different in the the way way they’re built, the way the blood flows. So I think if you’re able to validate your child’s experience, that is huge. And that can be a great starting point to help them with their self confidence, with their self esteem, and actually learning to be able to trust themselves because they’re not going to think that they’re broken.

David Hall [00:36:00]:

Absolutely. And like you said, it’s in our biology, it’s natural. And I could tell you lots of reasons why I know that, and it’s not going to change, but it can definitely be embraced.

Sophie Morris [00:36:13]:


David Hall [00:36:14]:

So what form does your coaching take?

Sophie Morris [00:36:18]:

Well, I’m putting together a new program at the moment for parents, which I’m going to be launching in November, which I’m really excited about. So it’s going to be a four session coaching program for parents to help them support their children. And then with the children, I really take it on a case by case basis because I think they are so different. But generally we meet every couple of weeks over Zoom. And each week we try and leave the session with some kind of practical tools or some sort of I mean, homework in a loose sense that the child can just test out between our sessions. And then we sort. Of come back and see what they’ve learned and what works, what didn’t work, and then just try and help move them towards their goals.

David Hall [00:36:59]:

Sounds amazing. I could have used that when I was a teenager.

Sophie Morris [00:37:03]:

Me too.

David Hall [00:37:05]:

So tell us again your website and how people can get a hold of you. I’ll also put it in the Show Notes.

Sophie Morris [00:37:12]:

Great. Yeah. So my website is Quietosophy, and you can also find me on LinkedIn, which is Sophie Morris coaching, and on Instagram and Facebook. I am at quietosophy.

David Hall [00:37:24]:

Awesome. Thank you so much, Sophie. This has been a wonderful conversation. I know many people are going to benefit from it because, again, introversion is not something to fix, but it’s something to embrace and keep up your amazing work.

Sophie Morris [00:37:39]:

Well, you too, David. I’ve loved speaking to you today and I love the work that you do. So I’m very honored to be one of your guests.

David Hall [00:37:45]:

All right, thank you very much.

Sophie Morris [00:37:46]:


David Hall [00:37:48]:

Thank you so much for joining me today. I look forward to further connecting with you. Reach out at david@quietandstrong.com. Check out the website quietandstrong.com. I’ll add social media channels for me and my guests to the Show Notes. Please comment on social media posts. Send me topics or guests you’d like to see on the show. There’s so many great things about being an introvert, and so we need those to be understood. Get to know your introvert, its strengths and needs, and be strong.

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