I was a guest on the Opposites Attract Podcast discussing introverts and extroverts and my book, Minding Your Time: Time Management, Productivity, and Success, Especially for Introverts. Watch or listen to episode 30. Miguel and Sonja Ramirez are a happily married couple that over the years have realized that they approach life differently in many ways. When I met Sonja I was intrigued by the concept of the show and was excited when she invited me to join them as a guest on their podcast. I had a great time with these two. Both were amazing hosts, but it was very apparent that they used their unique strengths and gifts in preparing for the show in their own way. We discussed many topics including time management, the need for recharge, communication, parenting, business success, and more. These “opposites” have a very happy life together, but it is important to understand each other’s unique gifts and strengths. Issues arise when we only look at others through the lens of our own experience and we fail to understand the other person’s approach to life Conversations like this one can help us understand others around us and maybe more importantly ourselves.
So why would an introvert like Miguel want to start a podcast? It is a common misconception that introverts don’t like to give speeches or presentations, but the truth is for Miguel and I that we think deeply and have ideas that we are passionate about sharing. Of course, our interests as introverts are still going to widely vary. In addition to creating the podcast, Miguel also talked about how he enjoys giving presentations or tours at work, but may find that he needs to decompress after. I said the same thing about the podcast, that I was having a great time, but would be ready to chill after.
Miguel and Sonja both enjoy doing the podcast, but as an introvert and extrovert, the approach is very different. Both prepared and facilitated a great discussion and asked great questions. What you can’t see off camera is Miguel has his notes in a holder on the desk in front of him. He spent time preparing and thought ahead of time about the questions he would like to ask and the topics he wanted to cover. And he kept the reminders right in front of him. He has offered to do the same for Sonja, but this is not how she approached the podcast. She did preparation by reading my book, but when it was showtime she preferred to “speak from the heart.” She said that she feels she would do worse by thinking ahead of time what she would say. Which approach is right? Each is right for the individual. The key is to understand what you need. I know many people like Sonja that can give speeches and “wing it” and be amazing. I could be jealous of the ability, but instead, like Miguel, I do the preparation I need to do and focus on my own strengths as an introvert.
What about going out? This has been a topic for this couple as it is for other introvert and extrovert couples. Sonja likes to go out dancing and going to parties, but how could Miguel as an introvert like to go out? The truth is that introverts enjoy going out and having a good time, but some aspects of this may look different between introverts and extroverts. In the show we talked about how, after three hours of being out, Miguel has had a great time and is ready to go home. But for Sonja, the party is just getting started at that point. In the introvert-extrovert relationship there will need to be some give and take. Maybe the introvert may need to stay a bit longer at the party than they would like and the extrovert sometimes will leave a little earlier than they would like. Understanding one another’s differences can go along way in keeping a relationship strong.
I am married to a fellow introvert and we are the same in many ways. We love spending time together and having great conversations on topics such as our family, our business, and other dreams we have. Sometimes we each need time alone. Even though we are both introverts we still needed to come to an understanding that one of us may need some time to be alone and recharge from time to time. Of course, we have some differences and here is one example. I tend to like to plan things out and don’t like surprises. My wife is more spontaneous and doesn’t get stressed out as I can. I have come to recognize that these differences are good for us. She brings a calm to my anxiety and I would like to think that I bring a little order to her life. I have also come to realize that we need to celebrate our differences. If I thought I could change some aspect of her personality or she mine, we would probably not stay in the happy relationship that we have.
Maybe you are an introvert in a relationship with an extrovert or with another introvert. Or maybe you are an extrovert in a relationship with another extrovert. No matter the personality styles you each come with strengths and also needs. Continue to learn about where you excel and where your partner excels. What do you need and what does your partner need? The idea is not to change the other person, but rather to help bring out the best in each other. There are many more topics that are covered on this and other episodes of the podcast with these “opposites”.
David Hall, M.Ed. is a speaker, author, and host of the Quiet and Strong Podcast, where he interviews thought leaders, creatives, and professionals who help introverts thrive. With over 25 years in higher education, David has led workshops, trainings, and presentations on productivity, personality, and introversion. His mission is to help introverts honor their needs, understand their strengths, and succeed on their own terms. He is the author of Minding Your Time: Time Management, Productivity, and Success, Especially for Introverts and a passionate advocate for creating work environments where introverts can do their best work.
