This is a weekly podcast dedicated to understanding the strengths and needs of introverts. Introversion is not something to fix, but to be embraced. Normally new episodes will air on Monday mornings. Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode!
This first episode is launching on January 2 to celebrate World Introvert Day. We have so much to celebrate about introversion and this will be one of the themes of the podcast. Today’s episode is an introduction to introversion and we will be busting a few myths out there about introverts. We’ll also talk about why understanding your strengths and needs is so important, as well as provide an overview of the topics we discuss in the future.
See my article: Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Six things to consider
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Minding Your Time: Time Management, Productivity, and Success, Especially for Introverts
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David Hall
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Transcript
Hello, and welcome to the Quiet and Strong Podcast, especially for introverts. I am your host, David Hall and creator of quietandstrong.com. This is a weekly podcast dedicated to understanding the strengths and needs of introverts. Introversion is not something to fix, but to be embraced. Normally we will air each episode on Monday mornings. Be sure to subscribe. This first episode is launching on January 2 to celebrate World Introvert Day. We have much to celebrate about introversion and this will be one of the themes of the podcast. Today is an introduction and overview and the topics we discuss we will take a deeper dive into further episodes.
To get started, our personalities come to us quite naturally and the key is not to change them, but get to know ourselves and embrace those great gifts that we each have. For far too long I tried to be something that I wasn’t and now that I am embracing my introversion and who I am and my strengths I have found more happiness, effectiveness, and energy than ever before. That’s the key, self awareness, As Aristotle said, Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom. That is what we want to explore, getting to know ourselves, and discussing strategies and tools for happiness and success, but by knowing ourselves and not trying to be something we are not. This show is geared towards introverts, but extroverts are always welcome and can benefit by coming to a better understanding of the introverts in their lives and how they can support them in being their best. There are plenty of myths about introverts, so part of this show today and in future episodes will be myth-busting. What introverts are and what they are not and some misconceptions out there. I have a lot I want to cover, yes introverts have a lot to say, so I have thought and reflected (which introverts are very good at) on this first episode and will save some for later.
So why Quiet and Strong? It was definitely a long journey in discovering who I was and what I needed. I always wanted to know what made others successful. When I was younger I wondered why it was difficult for me to make conversation or approach certain situations or give a public presentation or other things. So since that time I got a degree in Psychology, a master’s in counseling, I’ve read many books, I’ve attended several workshops, and I’ve watched countless videos. Most of all I’ve done lots of reflection, reflection can be a superpower for introverts. During my journey I was a participant in a three day workshop on strengths. I enjoyed it and after the facilitator approached me and thanked me for participating and told me that I was “quiet and strong” and that when I spoke people listened. This was so encouraging but also very enlightening. During the workshop I am taking in tons of information and synthesizing it into pieces of wisdom. Someone may look at me as “too quiet” at times, but it is never quiet in my mind and I may have something valuable to share at the right time. My methods may look different than somebody else’s. But that does not make them less valid. And I’ve come to the conclusion that I definitely am an introvert and I come by this very naturally.
What is an introvert? Introversion is not shyness. An introvert or extrovert can be shy, as it is a lack of confidence. The good news is that shyness can be overcome and confidence gained with some self awareness.
Or often I hear, the difference between introverts and extroverts is where we get our energy and introverts are drained by people and need to be alone to recharge. I do think this is a major difference and energy is an extremely important aspect of this conversation as we will differ in how we recharge, but it is not what makes me an introvert. My definition of introversion is that I turn inward more often than not to my inner world of ideas. I am a deeper thinker, I have a vivid imagination, and I’m a dreamer. That’s what makes me an introvert. Of course a lot comes with turning inward and understanding is the key. Extroverts are going to pay more attention to the world around them. Let me say this, neither is good or bad. Everyone thinks and everyone focuses on the world around them. But what is your natural preference? And the key word is natural. I also want to be clear that we are not saying that introverts are defective extroverts. Introverts don’t need fixing, but understanding. I also get frustrated sometimes when I hear oh you just need to pretend to be an extrovert. You will never hear me give that advice. My response is that what I need to be is my strong introverted self. I also hear that introverts don’t like people. This is silly. We all need connection and that is going to look different for everyone. I think we are learning much from this worldwide pandemic with many being forced into different situations and really considering the connection that they need.
The important questions to me are what are your strengths and what do you need? What about those around you?
Here is my simple definition. I naturally do a lot thinking, I usually think before I speak and I do best with a little solitude each day.
introvert or extrovert? It’s about a 50-50 split in the population.
I am going to share a few epiphanies of many that I had along the way:
SQ – now Clifton Strengths – 34 themes of talent – top 5 – not weakness
Arms crossed – putting a box
Excel
I had a major epiphany around this. I was talking with the neighbor and we’re started talking about work. Where do you work? I told him and he said that’s right across the street from where I work. I said really, where do you work? Hmm, that doesn’t ring a bell. And the funny thing is I have been driving by his work for years, it’s a pretty big place, lots of signs but I realized that while I was driving I was deep in thought. And that’s a process that occurs very naturally for me and it’s not going to change, Its not a bad thing as I have lots of great ideas during that time but at the same time I was in my head and I didn’t even notice the name of his company. This was a good example of ways that I am naturally introverted, naturally turn inward. Silly example of introversion, but very natural to me, can’t change
I overcame the shyness I experienced earlier in life. I’m married to introvert, shout out to my wife Cari, we are best friends, business partners, and she is the very talented graphic designer, photographer, and marketer behind Q &S, she does brilliant work.
We are very similar, but not the same. She is an introvert, but has never been shy. She does get lost in thought and needs some alone time sometimes, but of course we love spending time together.
3 kids – 1 introvert, 2 extroverts. Raised the same, but very unique in their gifts and talents. The extroverts have some similarities, but differences for sure.
Can introverts be good speakers, leaders, sales? Gonna look different
Extroverted colleague- we present together. I prepare much differently. After I am ready for some down time or a break. She is ready to go again or go out and mingle with everyone.
In my speech example, I am going to prepare ahead of time. Let the idea roll around in my head. Think about the audience. I love it. WIng it. Come from heart. Don’t be jealous.
Extroverted 50 strangers
So are you introvert or extrovert? When you know your strengths and needs you can apply this knowledge to relationships, communication, leadership, productivity, and overall success and happiness. We’re all busy and as I was discovering that I was an introvert I was also studying time management and realizing that there wasn’t much written that was directed specifically towards time management for the introvert. But yet there were very specific needs that the introvert would have. And so I decided to make this my first book – Minding Your Time, Time Management, Productivity, and Success, Especially for the Introvert. We can further cover time management and productivity in a future episode.
As we’re doing this journey of self-discovery it’s really important not to get hung up on the labels. So many times you know maybe after I’ve given a presentation or someone’s read my book we have this conversation they’re like you know David I’m not sure if I’m an introvert or an extrovert. Maybe I’m in the middle. And it seems as we are talking that the goal is to decide on the label, but it’s not to take that deeper dive and find out what that means. Again, to find out what are your strengths and what are your needs. If you are an introvert or extrovert, or maybe somewhere in the middle you may sometimes hear the term ambivert. If that’s all you know it’s really not that helpful. You really need to take that deeper dive and figure out what works best for you.
So are you an introvert or an extrovert? There are so many great books out there, so many resources that you can get to know yourself better. One thing I do recommend is taking the Myers-Briggs type indicator or MBTI for short. It’s a personality inventory and it’ll tell you more about your introversion/extroversion or definitely some other personality factors.
MBTI – other areas of our personalities – I will add some websites to the show notes some paid and some free – up to you.
www.myersbriggs.org paid
http://www.humanmetrics.com/
www.personalitypathways.com
Beyond doing that I’ve also come up with six different areas that you can consider and think about. Check out “Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Six things to consider” on quietandstrong.com. This includes a chart of the six areas. I will put a link in the show notes.
As you look at the two different choices think about which you gravitate more towards. I will also include these 6 areas in your workbook that you will be able to download at the end of the session today.
So introverts naturally spend more time in their inner world of ideas. Extroverts naturally spend more time focused on the outer world around them. That’s one of the big keys. Of course we all think, we all focus on what’s around us. The time we spend and our preferences are different.
Another difference is introverts think and then speak and extroverts speak to think. I was in a Myers-Briggs training several years ago and the facilitator said this, I was like wow that really does explain a lot. Because you ask me a question, the wheels in my mind will start turning I’ll probably put some ideas together and after a time maybe a second, maybe a few seconds, maybe I’ll say give me a minute to think about that, maybe I’ll say give me a day to think about that. The answer will come out after a moment or longer. Extroverts speak in order to think and so if that’s not understood think about the communication challenges that we can have. One person thinks and speaks and the other person is speaking to think. If everyone understood this a lot of communication problems could be solved.
Introverts may prefer to communicate in writing rather than speaking. Of course, extroverts may prefer to communicate by speaking rather than writing. Maybe the introvert wants to take some time to compose that good email and think it through. Think about how you gather information. When you have a question are you likely to email the company or to do some web research and then finally to call him once you get frustrated? Or maybe the extrovert is going to pick up the phone right away.
So the energy discussion is an important one. Sometimes I hear that introverts are drained by people and I think that’s true but I think it’s a little over simplified. I would rather say as an introvert I may be drained by certain people and situations. And of course I am energized by taking some time alone. Extroverts may be energized by social interaction or may feel restless with excessive isolation. I know we’re in 2020 we’re not going too many places. I live with a couple extroverts and they really are missing their friends right now and I can see the restlessness first hand.
Introverts prefer deep conversations to small talk. So as introverts are drawn into their world of ideas maybe thinking about the mysteries of the universe or how to solve the world’s problems, the weather might not be that interesting sometimes. However, I have learned that I can do small talk when I need you and I want to, sometimes it’s kind of fun. Ultimately it’s probably needed to get to those conversations that I really want to have. At the same time I don’t put too much pressure on myself I honestly will avoid some small talk sometimes. Extroverts on the other hand enjoy most types of conversation.
Introverts usually prefer a close circle of friends they want that friend or two that they really share everything with and they’re telling everything to, whereas extroverts may have many friends and acquaintances. Maybe think about your own children maybe you have an introverted child and an extroverted child. and your introverted child has the best friend but they do everything with and your extroverted child has the best friends and they may you may not be able to keep track of all of their friends.
Okay, so did you lean more toward the introvert side or the extrovert side? Of course either introversion or extroversion comes with great strengths. Do you know your strengths? I for one know that I am a strategic thinker. I love to come up with new plans and design new models for work and make things better. One of the best things I have ever done was to set aside the first 90 minutes of my work day for quite time to think, plan, and prepare. I have a strength for thinking, but have a need with some time to do it.
I know some people that are very creative artists or are very good at building relationships much better than me. Or I know some folks that are really good at telling stories or persuading others. There are so many different gifts and those are things that you need to think about. Along with your strengths what are your needs? Hopefully those are things that you are employing in your work and in your life. Because that where the most happiness comes is when we are using our natural gifts most of the time.
Let me leave with one final thought. I would like people to stop describing activities as introverted or extroverted. I think deeply and that is what makes me an introvert. If I am giving a presentation, being social, or networking, I am not being an extrovert or extrovert, but I am approaching these situations with my strengths and desires. If I am being social, I am not being an extrovert, but am being a social introvert. And of course my approach and desire will likely look different from an extrovert.
Thank you so much for joining me. I look forward to further connecting with you. Reach out quietandstrong.com, david@. I will add social media channels to the show notes.
Send me topics or questions and we can address those on the show. So many great things about being an introvert and so we need those to be understood. Sometimes it will be just me and sometimes we will have guests. So much great work is out there in books, blogs, podcasts, videos. We need to have conversations. That’s where I have learned the most with conversations in workshops or one or one or group conversations where we talk about our differences, here is how I approach this. That is another main goal of this podcast. You realize we are different and that is a good thing. If I tried to be like my extroverted friend, it would not work. Get to know your introverted strengths and needs and be Strong!
David Hall, M.Ed. is a speaker, author, and host of the Quiet and Strong Podcast, where he interviews thought leaders, creatives, and professionals who help introverts thrive. With over 25 years in higher education, David has led workshops, trainings, and presentations on productivity, personality, and introversion. His mission is to help introverts honor their needs, understand their strengths, and succeed on their own terms. He is the author of Minding Your Time: Time Management, Productivity, and Success, Especially for Introverts and a passionate advocate for creating work environments where introverts can do their best work.
