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Show Notes

Are you an empath? Do you feel other people’s emotions deeply and find yourself taking on their stress and anxiety?

If so, then this episode is for you! Learn how to become resilient as an empath and highly sensitive person (HSP). Understand your triggers and learn how to manage your energy. Listen now for tips and advice on how to thrive with your gifts and strengths as an empath in a world that isn’t always built for your sensitivities.

Guest: Jennifer Parker

Jennifer Parker has been studying personal growth for almost two decades. What she found is this: Much of what is taught in the personal growth world simply does not work for everyone! Particularly if we have highly sensitive nervous systems and/or nervous systems that have been wired during trauma, pushing ourselves harder only backfires. Those findings inspired her to write her first book, Secrets of the Resilient Empath. In her spare time, Jennifer enjoys hanging out with her husband and three boys, contemplating the mysteries of the universe, and laughing until her face hurts. If she isn’t at home, she’s likely either hiking in the woods or at the local nursery looking for one more plant. 

 
Contact Jennifer:

Jennifer’s Book: 
Secrets of the Resilient Empath

Website: 
www.jenniferlaurenparker.com

Instagram:
@jenniferlaurenparker

TikTok: 
@not.that.kind.of.empath

– – –

Contact the Host of the Quiet and Strong Podcast:

David Hall

Author, Speaker, Educator, Podcaster

quietandstrong.com
Gobio.link/quietandstrong
david [at] quietandstrong.com

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Timestamped Overview

[00:02:34] Discovering introversion through Myers Briggs, embracing empath qualities, connecting with others of same personality type, identifying as highly sensitive due to son’s sensory processing disorder.

[00:06:43] HSPs have more sensitive nervous systems, empaths feel deeply for others, trauma can worsen empathy.

[00:10:33] Highly sensitive people aren’t weak. Being easily overwhelmed is a trait, but they’re mentally strong. Empaths aren’t just about spreading love, they have to stand up for others and have strong boundaries.

[00:12:42] Empaths have a strong backbone due to their inner compass and intuition, and their depth of processing leads to big picture thinking and creativity.

[00:16:47] The author realized self-help advice wasn’t applicable, wrote a book for those feeling inadequate, and aimed to defend highly sensitive people.

[00:18:58] Self-help books don’t work for everyone. Understanding oneself is key. Learning from fellow empaths can help embrace gifts and strengths.

[00:23:57] The book outlines 5 sensitive archetypes: healer, creator, visionary, sage, and inventor. It encourages readers to recognize their strengths.

[00:27:53] Know yourself, embrace sensitivity, set boundaries, manage trauma/stress, prioritize nervous system care, accept limitations.

[00:31:24] Understanding people deeply and empathetically, sometimes painful but valuable.

[00:34:46] Taking time for oneself, even just staying at home, can be beneficial for relaxation, creativity, and productivity. It’s important to not succumb to societal pressure and prioritize self-care.

[00:39:25] Accept yourself, protect your energy, and do your work. Learning boundaries and letting go of toxic patterns is crucial. Devote time to the important part of you.

[00:42:21] David thanks the guest and invites listeners to visit Quiet Strong’s website for a free personality assessment and to suggest show topics or guests. Encourages introverts to understand their strengths and needs.


Questions and Answers

1. What is the difference between being a highly sensitive person and being an empath?

Answer: Highly sensitive individuals have a different nervous system that can make things more overwhelming, but empaths are highly attuned to other living things and it is an inborn and life experience-related trait.

2. How can highly sensitive individuals manage their sensitivity?

Answer: Setting boundaries and managing life according to one’s sensitivity is crucial, as well as addressing any trauma or stress stored in the nervous system. Nervous system work, such as somatic experiencing, can be pivotal for highly sensitive individuals.

3. What advice can the speaker give to highly sensitive individuals?

Answer: The speaker shares three key pieces of advice: accepting yourself, protecting your energy and setting boundaries, and doing your work by tuning into who you are at the core of your being and taking small steps towards it.

4. What inspired the speaker to write about highly sensitive people?

Answer: The speaker realized that many messages in the personal growth space were not made for people like them and were not trauma or nervous system aware. They wanted to write a book for people like them who feel like they are not good enough and to let them know it’s okay to be who they are.

5. What is the difference between introverted and extroverted empaths?

Answer: HSPs can be both introverts and extroverts but often require downtime due to the draining nature of their heightened sensitivity.

6. How can highly sensitive individuals build empathy and better relationships with others?

Answer: Understanding different traits and gifts can help build empathy and better relationships with others. It’s important to know yourself and not always do what others expect of you.

7. What does it mean to be a visionary person?

Answer: The job of a visionary person is to help others see different perspectives, but many people may not be receptive to this. It’s important to be grounded in oneself and okay with the fact that some people may not agree with or understand one’s viewpoint.

8. How can being highly sensitive be a strength?

Answer: Empaths have a strong backbone and inner compass, which comes from not fitting in and being used to not being approved of by others. They are sensitive to subtleties and notice things that others may not, leading to big picture thinking and intuition.

9. How can highly sensitive individuals learn to appreciate themselves?

Answer: To start, it’s important to get to know oneself and explore personal gifts. Highly sensitive individuals have a different nervous system that can make things more overwhelming, but it’s important to understand that it’s not weakness.

10. What is the speaker’s overall message about being highly sensitive?

Answer: Everyone has their own unique gifts, and it’s important to understand and embrace them. Highly sensitive people (HSPs) are often viewed as weak because they can be easily overwhelmed by taking in so much information, but in reality, they are mentally tough individuals who just need to learn how to manage their sensitivity.


Podcast Transcript

Jennifer Parker [00:00:00]:

I think that as we step into our gifts and find our voice, there’s always gonna be somebody who doesn’t like it. And especially I thank for the people who tend to be more creative, intuitive, it’s like you have to learn to put your work out into the world and all of those people who are in your life or, you know, just whoever out there, the the trolls, there’s always going to be somebody who doesn’t agree with you or who makes judgments and you just have to be grounded enough in yourself to be okay with that even if they think you’re crazy

David Hall [00:00:56]:

Hello. And welcome to the Quiet and Strong Podcast, especially for introverts. I’m your host David Hall, and the creator of quiet and strong .com. This is a weekly podcast dedicated to understanding the strengths and needs of introverts. Introversion is not something to fix, but to be embraced. Normally, we’ll air each episode on a Monday. Be sure to subscribe on your favorite platform. Leave a review. Tell a friend. I’ll get the word out there. Jennifer Parker has been studying personal growth for almost 2 decades. What she found is this. Much of what is taught in the personal growth world simply does not work for everyone, particularly if we have highly sensitive nervous systems and or nervous systems that have been wired during trauma, pushing ourselves harder only backfires. These findings inspired her to write her first book secrets of the resilient empath. In her spare time, Jennifer enjoys hanging out with her husband and 3 boys, contemplating the mysteries of the universe and laughing till her face hurts. If she isn’t at home, she’s either hiking in the woods or at the local nursery looking for one more plant.

David Hall [00:02:06]:

Alright. Welcome, Jennifer, to the Quiet and Strong podcast.

Jennifer Parker [00:02:10]:

Thank you for having me, David.

David Hall [00:02:12]:

Yeah. I’m so excited. Jennifer wrote a great book called Secrets of the Resilient Impact, and we are gonna get into that. But before we do that, Jennifer, let’s let’s hear a little bit more about you, and especially, you know, when you realized you were an introvert a highly sensitive person and an empath. And how did you embrace your personality?

Jennifer Parker [00:02:34]:

Oh, well, I don’t remember, like, specifically finding out about introverts except just always being a kind of conscious that there were introverts and extroverts and extroverts were preferred, and I was the weird child who didn’t talk. So so but I think what really when I started to embrace my personality was when I found out about Myers Briggs and took that test, and it was, like, finding out I’m an introvert and an intuitive and I have extroverted feeling, which is kind of basically a description of being an empath that you’re more tuned into other people’s feelings than your own. And so that really helped me to embrace who I was and also finding out that there were other people like me, which connecting with other people with the same personality type was kind of exciting because it’s like when you live your whole life as no one understands me, and then it’s like, oh, me too. Oh, you have this experience as well. It helps you kind of to appreciate yourself through appreciating other people. So as far as being highly sensitive, a highly sensitive person, I think I started kind of diving into that a little when my oldest son was young because he was diagnosed with sensory processing disorder. So at that point, I realized that there are some people whose nervous systems process things differently, and I realized oh, that describes my experience too. And in retrospect, I think like he may have never had like a order, but he was just a highly sensitive person as well. So — Right. As far as, like, I’m past, it’s funny because that’s, like, in the title of my book. And yet, it’s probably the thing I found out about most recently and didn’t necessarily even, like, resonate with all of the descriptions and baggage around it, but then I kind of started to embrace it enough to make it the title of my book.

David Hall [00:04:59]:

Absolutely. And it’s really important that all these things that we talk about, introversion, being highly sensitive, being an empath, there’s or it being an extrovert. It’s not good or bad, any of it. It’s we have our own unique gifts. That’s that’s the thing. And that’s you definitely bring that out in your book. We have our own gifts, and we need to understand those. And, you know, I’m an introvert. I’m not highly sensitive. I’m not an empath. but I need to understand that about the other people in my lives. It also helps me understand my own gifts. I remember the very first time I was doing a strength kinda work shop. Called strengths finder now. It’s called Gallup Gallup strengths. And I was I was sitting at a table, you know, there’s small group kinda conversation and the person across from me that I knew pretty well was telling me about how she felt the feelings of others. And that was it, like, That doesn’t happen for me. What you know, why is that? But it was a it was a great experience to understand that she had some gifts that I didn’t have. Of course, on the other side, I have some gifts too. You know, I definitely have empathy. You know? I I I deeply care about lots of things, you know, causes and people and but it different for me. You know? It’s more of a it’s more of a thinking type of thing. And so it’s so important to understand my gifts your gifts, everybody’s gifts, and that’s why I’m so glad that we’re having this conversation today. So tell us a little bit more about what it means to be highly sensitive and the empath, and how those might overlap with introversion or extroversion.

Jennifer Parker [00:06:43]:

Yeah, highly sensitive a highly sensitive person or HSP Short is a trait that was discovered by doctor Elaine Aaron, and she wrote the book The Highly Sensitive person, which is still a really popular book. And, basically, it means that some people have nervous systems that are more sensitive that kind of pick up more from the environment and process it. on a deeper level. And how I have described that kind of since I became attuned to that when my son was little is It’s kind of like you’re missing a standard issue filter on your nervous system, and you’re just taking in more. It’s like, whatever the situation is. It’s all coming in whether you like it or not. So As far as empaths, not all highly sensitive people are empaths, but I think all empaths are highly sensitive people who just are very attuned to other people and sometimes animals or even plants just living things in general. And I think that’s also something that’s inborn, but also it can be really am up by our life experiences, and often people who really struggle with it, with the boundaries and with being an empath really affecting their relationships negatively is because they have a trauma piece involved where At some point, they learned that they had to tune in, not just that they could, but that they had to in order to stay safe around people who were erratic or some other situation where Their nervous system got wired to turn that outward and really pay attention. So and I think that HSPs can be both introverts or extroverts. I know a lot of the friends I have who are HSPs are also extroverts, but they kind of are the type of extroverts who still need a lot of downtime because it’s draining to be absorbing all of that. So —

David Hall [00:09:03]:

Yeah. I think that’s really helpful to know because there’s a lot of confusion. Again, any anything that we’re talking about, it’s not good or bad, but they exist. We need to embrace them as our gifts. But I think a lot of times people think, well, all introverts are also highly sensitive, and that’s definitely not the case. And It’s just that’s a big piece of understanding. So, like, I I think about just my own house here. I I’m married to an introvert highly sensitive, not an empath, and then I have, you know, 2 extroverts and An introvert child and probably everybody’s highly sensitive and ones and then pass. So it it it’s that that was kinda one of my epiphanies in doing all this work about our strengths and our gifts. It’s very natural. You know? We didn’t raise our kids any differently, but they just came with their own gifts in their own unique they’re all very amazing in their own way. But that’s that’s the keep understanding it all.

Jennifer Parker [00:10:08]:

Yeah. Definitely. I have 3 kids too, and they’re all all their own people and for sure and all have their own strengths.

David Hall [00:10:18]:

Yeah. And it’s a good thing, but it it really does need to be understood.

Jennifer Parker [00:10:22]:

I agree.

David Hall [00:10:25]:

So is there a myth around being a highly sensitive person that you wanted to spell today?

Jennifer Parker [00:10:33]:

I think probably the number one thing would be that highly sensitive people are weak in some way and sometimes we feel weak because one of the things even doctor Aaron described as a trait of highly sensitive people is being easily overwhelmed because we’re taking in so much. We’re absorbing so much. It can be overwhelming. but that doesn’t mean that we’re weak. We just have to learn to manage it. And also, I think we’re often very mentally tough people. And so I think we shouldn’t take ourselves down a notch there by just being like sensitive equals weak. because it doesn’t. And then the thing about the word empath that I think is a myth, which is why it did not resonate with me at first, I think, is because it is often viewed as just like, well, I’m an empath, and this is just how I am and my job is just to spread love and light, and that’s, you know, that it’s very kind of viewed as, like, a fluffy kind of thing. And that there’s nothing you can do about it. And, really, I think empaths are, again, there’s like a warrior kind of aspect to it where you have to be strong and have that backbone and part of your job as an empath is to be able to stand up for other people and to stand up for living things that are in need of your care. So if you have weak boundaries and you refuse to address your trauma pieces because you’re just like, this is how I am. then you’re not gonna be doing your job well, so that’s my take on being an empath.

David Hall [00:12:32]:

I like that you described as being a warrior. So what are what are strengths of being an empath? And how do you How does someone come to embrace those?

Jennifer Parker [00:12:42]:

Well, you know, I have noticed, especially in recent times, as perhaps the world gets more crazy. The empaths really tend to have a really strong backbone, and I think Some of that comes from just like that we were already used to not fitting in, already used to being a little weird, a little bit, not approved of by others where we don’t have that bra necessarily to fit in. And I mean some do, I’m generalizing, but where when something when we feel like something is wrong, that we’re not gonna do it just because other people say we should do it, that we are really really have a strong inner compass and a strong intuition. And so and I think that goes with what again, doctor Eiran talked about with the depth of processing being sensitive to subtleties. So it’s like we’re noticing things, and we’re kind of storing them and putting all the puzzle pieces together. And so that leads to that big picture thinking and intuition and seeing how things are interconnected. And so I think that is a really a really big strength. And for others, it doesn’t manifest that way, but it manifests in other wonderful ways like being super creative and imaginative and being able to make things that didn’t exist before or just understanding others deeply. So it everybody has their own way of being, but there’s definitely a lot of strengths that come from that ability to process things deeply and to notice things that maybe other people didn’t notice.

David Hall [00:14:42]:

Yeah. And I’m glad you brought that out because there’s as we’re talking about these different things, they’re really, you know, you say empath or introvert. It’s really just We can learn from each other, but we’re each complex human beings. We have there’s a lot of nuance nuances to each of our personalities, you know, no introvert or empath is exactly alike, but we can learn from each other, or we can learn the gifts that other people have. But definitely, they’re gonna manifest themselves in different ways.

Jennifer Parker [00:15:13]:

Right. Yeah. No. 2 people are exactly the same. Right? So — Right. — it’s a way we can describe our experience, but it’s very one dimensional.

David Hall [00:15:28]:

Yeah. Yeah. So it it it’s helpful, but we have to, you know, continue to value the the individual and and what they bring. So I loved your book, secrets of the resilient empath, protect your energy, and cultivate your gifts as a highly sensitive person. Thank you. What caused you to what caused you to write that?

Jennifer Parker [00:15:50]:

Well, you know, I always I liked to write always. As I mentioned, I think, at the beginning of the like, I was the strange little girl who didn’t like to talk or would have liked to talk but felt blocked from expressing myself, so writing, was always something that I enjoyed. It was an easier way for me to express myself. But after years as a adult of kind of being a personal growth junkie, always trying to fix myself and make myself fit in with what, you know, the world seemed to want for me. Yeah. And I wasn’t very good at it, but I kind of eventually figured out after over and over again being burnt out, not having things work the way that people said they would work if I just tried harder.

David Hall [00:16:46]:

Right.

Jennifer Parker [00:16:47]:

Yeah. So I just finally figured out that, like, these things that they’re telling me are not made for me. They weren’t written for people like me. and they’re not nervous system aware. They’re not trauma aware. They’re not taking into consideration You know? Like, you were just saying all of the many facets that make up the individuals. So And I was just, like, burnt out by the never good enough messaging that was going on and the personal growth space as far as I from my lens. So I really wanted to write something that would be for people who were like me, who are feeling like that. Like, I’m not good enough. what’s wrong with me. I need to be able to do things like other people and to let them know, like, especially, like, the younger generation, like, let them know like it’s okay to be who you are and that this is why you’re experiencing this. There’s nothing wrong with you So that was kind of what motivated me in that and to kind of spill my guts slightly when I got the book edited, the editor told me that I write or I was writing defensively And I hope we edited this out. But but it was like, I was writing defensively. I was kind of trying to defend highly sensitive people from people who say there’s something wrong with you. Be more like us, so hopefully, we got that edited out so that conveys the positivity and not the kill energy that I needed to get out in my writing.

David Hall [00:18:42]:

Yeah. That’s that’s the thing. We shouldn’t need to defend who we are. Not only is it okay, but if you if you figure out who you are, it’s brilliant. It’s beautiful. It’s it’s not something to be defensive about.

Jennifer Parker [00:18:57]:

Yeah.

David Hall [00:18:58]:

And I say, you know, before I hit record, we were talking a little bit about this. that I think we’re on a similar journey where I was doing a lot of self help work and reading a lot of things that didn’t resonate with me, and I didn’t know why early on. You know? Like, when I was younger, I read a book on how to overcome shyness, and I I again, I it’s just didn’t do it for me. I’m like and but now I realized it was probably written by extrovert with things that will work for extrovert. And, ultimately, I figured out that, for me, overcoming shyness and anxiety was understanding who I was, and that did it for me. You know? I’m not a shy person anymore, and it’s understanding my gifts and my strengths and and being that. And that that that did it for me, but it was not the writings of someone else that wasn’t like me. And so, definitely, you know, your book is for that person that that is is similar. Again, we’re all different, but it — Mhmm. — that kinda thing. So It’s it’s so important to understand who we are, but I think we can learn a lot. And I’m not saying we can’t learn from other people that are different than I’m not saying that, but I think we can learn a lot. If your impact, I think you can learn a lot from a fellow empath about how you embrace your gifts and your strengths.

Jennifer Parker [00:20:23]:

Yeah. I agree. There’s so much strength in just understanding who we are and not trying to be different. And there is value, I think, in that world of personal growth, and I definitely did benefit from some of it. But there’s, I think, a lack of balance there too where it’s, like, all one kind like be more like me, but no space for that other type of energy. that’s more introverted or gentle.

David Hall [00:20:59]:

Yeah. So title is good. Resilient Impact kinda quiet and strong, resilient and bad. I I love it. So what does it mean to be — Quiet and strong too. Yeah. Yeah. But what does it mean to be resilient?

Jennifer Parker [00:21:14]:

You know, I think that it is something that we can look at as already being within all of us that we’re already made with the ability to heal and to grow. And I look at resilience as just kind of being expansive, being able to flow with life instead of being collapsed by outside, you know, every time something stressful comes along to being collapsed. We don’t we that would be the opposite of being resilient. So just to be able to kind of grow and flow, to rhyme there, you know, unintentionally. But but to be able to really be kinda like water just flowing through the rapids of life. So that’s kind of how I look at it.

David Hall [00:22:06]:

Yeah. And so you have a lot of tips and strategies in your book. What does a highly sensitive person do when when they are getting overwhelmed by their thoughts and their feelings? When they get you know, those thoughts and feelings are getting the best of them?

Jennifer Parker [00:22:21]:

Yeah. I mean, I think that’s definitely a complex topic for sure, but I think it’s helpful to learn as much as possible not to run from our unpleasant thoughts and feelings like often, the tendency is to feel overwhelmed and to feel like this is too much pain. I can’t handle it, and then we just wanna numb out in some way or distract ourselves in some way, disassociate, go eat the pint of ice cream, scroll on her phone, but to really learn to tune into those things and be curious about them, what’s going on with me, what just being present with some of those emotions that are stewing and recognizing that they’re actually messengers that are trying to tell us something or that our body is trying to complete some process and just being like, oh, yeah. I’m feeling this activation in me. What’s going on? And as far as, like, our thoughts, to ask questions to ourselves like where is this thought coming from? Is this True, where did I pick up on this? What is this reminding me of? And so just to start to get curious about those thoughts and feelings and to listen to what our bodies and our minds already know.

David Hall [00:23:48]:

In your book, you do actually outline different types of highly sensitive people. Do you wanna talk a little bit about that?

Jennifer Parker [00:23:57]:

Yeah. I kind of thought a fun way to do it would be to put it into archetypes. So there’s a chapter called the gifts of sensitivity, and it outlines 5 sensitive archetypes, which let’s see if I can remember them. I believe it’s the healer which is often our empaths, the creator which is often artists, musicians, writers, etcetera. The visionary, which is the very intuitive type, The Sage, which is often the person who has accumulated a lot of wisdom and is really kind of our advice giver and the inventor who is the more kind of logical scientific type, but uses all that depth of processing to put together different ways of creating new things. So That’s how I outlined it. So and no doubt there are more types that I didn’t come up with. And in the journal that goes with the book. I said, like, make your own if I missed your so but I think it’s a fun way to look at our strengths with, like, you know, because like to say that about yourself, like, to recognize, like, one’s visionary capabilities, like, it would seem like grandiose and bizarre, but it’s like a fun way that we can kind of delve into those things we have inside of us and those deep strengths.

David Hall [00:25:53]:

So Yeah. I mean, as an example, you know, if you are a visionary person, but you’re feel like you can’t use that gift. or you’re you’re not in a situation where you are using that gift. It’s definitely I don’t know the word, but, you know, it’s It’s it’s definitely draining, and it’s you’re not being who you you’re supposed to be.

Jennifer Parker [00:26:17]:

Yeah. Yeah. Very frustrating, kind of like a trapped feeling almost. to be in a situation where you can’t express that, and I think a lot of us are in situations where we are not expressing our gifts fully or at all even. We have lots of artists and creators who do not do that because it’s not valued because they were told, well, if you went school to be a lawyer that would make more money or whatever. Right. But And so they kind of abandon their gift. along the way. So I think in whatever small ways that we can start picking up those pieces that will really benefit from it.

David Hall [00:27:10]:

Yeah. And sometimes that might be a gradual process. But the important thing is to start moving along that pathway. You mentioned your the journal that goes along with the book. I thought it was excellent, you know, full of great prompts. And I haven’t been much of a journaler, but, I mean, I can see that, you know, you read the book, but then you really need to apply it to yourself. You really need to say, You know, what are my gifts and how am I gonna use that? So I I thought the journal that went along with the book was excellent. I’m glad you enjoyed it. Thank you. So what’s some other strategies for a highly sensitive person to really embrace who they are in their gifts?

Jennifer Parker [00:27:53]:

I think that a good place to start is with really getting to know yourself who you really are exploring those gifts, and also understanding what it means to have a highly sensitive service system and that things may be more overwhelming to you and that that makes sense and to understand that it’s not because you’re less than or because you’re weak again, but it’s just because you’re processing things at a deeper level. and to start to set some boundaries around that and be able to manage your life in a way that’s responding to that and also to address where you might have some trauma pieces or just stored survival stress from just, you know, our daily lives tend to be stressful So if we have that all pent up in our nervous systems, we’re not gonna be feeling our best, and we’re not going to be able to be resilient because it’s like we just don’t have any more room in our systems for handling more stress, so we’re going to collapse when anything comes on us. So I think as a highly sensitive person that the nervous is some is a really big deal, and that’s something I’ve been learning about for the past couple of years for myself doing Irene Lions. She’s a somatic experiencing practitioner, and I’ve been doing her program for a couple of years. And So I find that nervous system work to be really, really pivotal for me. So that’s one thing to be just conscious of the nervous system and that understanding that You just can’t you can’t keep up with necessarily everything that people who are not highly sensitive can do and that that’s okay.

David Hall [00:30:02]:

Yeah. And it’s the the important thing is it’s just natural. It’s not something you choose, but you can choose to embrace it. You mentioned setting boundaries. How do you set boundaries as a highly sensitive person?

Jennifer Parker [00:30:15]:

Yeah. I think, again, just taking into consideration that nervous system capacity and understanding, like, where am I bringing in things that are overwhelming to me? And in the book, I have, like, a list of some things that can be triggering or activating to our systems and that we can just start to look and be like, you know what? Where am I taking on too much where I need to back off? Or where can I say no in one place so that I have room to say yes to something that I want more. And also learning to be conscious of where we have squishy boundaries with the people in our lives and where having some maybe codependency or in measurement patterns

David Hall [00:31:13]:

and addressing that for sure. And then, again, we’re all we’re talking all about strengths. So what do you enjoy most personally about being an empath?

Jennifer Parker [00:31:24]:

What I enjoy the most or value the most, I guess, is having the ability to understand people on a deep level and what makes them tick. And I think A lot of empaths have that naturally and that the more we cultivate it, the more we understand. And It’s kind of like we understand the good, the bad, and the ugly, which can sometimes be a little bit painful because we see things that it’s like, oh, yeah. That’s not good. Or we see things that’s like, oh, I wish I know how they could address that, but they don’t want to. Also, things on the macrocosm where you can just see different you know, manipulations or history repeating, and it’s like, yeah, it can be It can be kind of a intense and painful experience being in this world, but yet I value it. I value being able to see those things, and I would not trade it even though I would not say it’s an easy it’s not an easy gift to have, but I value it.

David Hall [00:32:46]:

Yeah. And, like, like you said, you know, you need to learn to send boundaries, but, also, you need to give yourself that space to to recharge and how do you do that personally? Like, what what are some things that you do to recharge?

Jennifer Parker [00:33:00]:

Yeah. I’ve gotten where I am getting used to doing nothing,

David Hall [00:33:06]:

like — Okay. — as — Without feeling guilty?

Jennifer Parker [00:33:11]:

Not for, like, extended periods of time, but as you know, when you’ve, like, been taking in, like, that self improvement stuff. It’s like, you know, go go go hustle. You don’t want it bad enough if you’re not working all the time, like, don’t sleep. You can sleep when you’re dead kind of thing. And I think I have come to recognize like the value of just being still of just you know, going and spending some time just sitting outside in the garden or going for a walk or just taking time to be still and present with my breathing and notice what’s going on in my body. And so I think just giving ourselves permission to rest is important and to really be in a state of rest instead of like our mind wanting to be doing something else, So I think that’s really important and especially the being present with ourselves as an empath because you’re always checking in with what’s going on around me, what’s going on with the people around me. Are they resting? Am I okay to rest? if they’re not resting, or do I need to match their energy and what they’re doing? And so to learn to unplug that and be like, no, I’m okay. This is what I need even if someone else doesn’t need it right now.

David Hall [00:34:46]:

Oh, that’s so key. And I found out myself, you know. It’s it’s hard with the messages that we receive to just allow yourself to do nothing, but sometimes that’s exactly what you need. Vacation time is coming up for me, you know, the summertime, and Sometimes I go places. It’s fun to travel, but some of the best vacation time is just staying home. Sometimes people call it the staycation. And, you know, some people, you know, like, maybe you say that at work, oh, what are you gonna do? Well, I’m just gonna stay home. And that sounds so that sounds so awful. You know, you get look looks of pity, like, why would you do that? But sometimes the best time is where you have no expectations on yourself where you are just doing nothing or or or just kind of not trying to do something. And that can be hard. You know? It’s it’s a busy parent and trying to do other things. It can be difficult to give yourself that permission when society is telling you. You you don’t get to have time by yourself, but It’s so important. And it it makes you a better person. That’s true too. So, like, just talking about getting things done, taking that time alone, actually, for me, it helps me get more done when I do take the right amount of time to relax and recharge and spend that time. And sometimes it’s not even just recharging. Sometimes it’s it makes me more creative just letting things be or or, you know, or dream or or make some plans, but that’s so that’s so key. And, again, you gotta know yourself and not do what other people think you should be all the time.

Jennifer Parker [00:36:23]:

Yeah. I agree.

David Hall [00:36:25]:

So I I loved in your book that you say that some need to get used to being the crazy ones. I I just I really related to that. Tell us about that.

Jennifer Parker [00:36:37]:

Yeah. I think that as we step into our gifts and find our voice, there’s always gonna be somebody who doesn’t like it. And especially I think for the people who tend to be more creative, intuitive, it’s like you have to learn to put your work out into the world and all of those people who are in your life or, you know, just whoever out there, the the trolls, there’s always going to be somebody who doesn’t agree with you or who makes judgments and you just have to be grounded enough in yourself to be okay with that even if they think you’re crazy So and yeah, for people who are intuitive, visionary types like that’s basically, like, the job of the visionary is to help others see a different viewpoint and people do not always take that very well. So especially in this world where people tend to be very you know, pick a side kind of thing, and they don’t want to hear different perspectives a lot of times. So I think just we have to get okay with that sometimes we’ll look crazy, and it’s not necessarily about the we know we’ll be right or validated in the future because a lot of times intuition does have a broader view, and often it you do turn out to be right. But to just be like, okay. With either way. Like, I’m okay with just expressing this and that this is where I’m at right now, and this is what I see right now and not to be attached to, like, wanting to be right or wrong, but just to be authentic.

David Hall [00:38:40]:

Yeah. And it’s I say, often, it is the crazy ones that make a difference. You know? It’s it’s the ones that don’t accept the status quo that have these other ideas And that’s that’s often who makes things better. It’s not people that are just trying to keep doing things the way we have, but It’s people that really hey. I I think we can do something better here. And so, again, I love that. And so if you’re a crazy one, Embrace it. Embrace it. Right?

Jennifer Parker [00:39:11]:

Right. You’re in good company.

David Hall [00:39:14]:

Yeah. You you ended your book with with 3 keys. Do you wanna talk about those? Yeah. 3 secret keys you call them.

Jennifer Parker [00:39:25]:

Yes. The first one is accept yourself and to be once again, okay with who you are, whether anyone or everyone appreciates or understands you to have that grounding in understanding yourself and knowing that you’re okay with who you are and understanding like that you’re a good person at the core of your being without needing to be validated from the outside. And then the second one was to protect your energy. which is learn how to set boundaries, stop any toxic relationship patterns that we have of as usually as empaths where once again the co dependency, the enmeshment with others, the trying to control others or to fix them to let go of that. And the last one was to do your work So as we’ve talked about tuning into who you are at the core of your being and what you’re supposed to be doing, and I thank that that’s something that everybody knows that, like, it’s not something anyone has to tell you that you when people are presented with that question, but usually something bubbles up like, yeah. This is what I’m supposed to be doing. So even if we don’t have a lot of time to devote to it because of the way we’ve set up our lives when we didn’t know or just because, you know, like we both have families and, you know, you don’t necessarily have a lot of time to devote but to just start taking little bits of time to let that part of you that’s so important start to flow out into the world, so Those are the 33 keys that came to me.

David Hall [00:41:29]:

Yeah. And I just thought that is also just an excellent summary of what we’ve talked about today and in your book, you know, accepting yourself, protecting your energy, and then doing your work, you know, doing your work and your way with your gifts. I I think that’s amazing. So, Jennifer, this has been a wonderful conversation. Is there anything else that we didn’t talk about that you’d like to bring up?

Jennifer Parker [00:41:53]:

I don’t think so. I enjoyed talking with you, and I appreciate you having me on David.

David Hall [00:41:59]:

Okay. And then if people wanna find out more about your work and your book, where’s the best place to go?

Jennifer Parker [00:42:07]:

I am on Instagram. My is jenniferloren Parker, and my website is jenniferlorenparker.com.

David Hall [00:42:17]:

Alright. Very good. It’s been a pleasure to have you on today, Jennifer.

David Hall [00:42:21]:

Thank you, David. The pleasure is mine. Thank you so much for joining me. I look forward to further connecting with you. Reach out at david@quietandstrong.com, or check out the quietandstrong.com website which includes blog posts and links to social media channels. Send me topics or guests you’d like to see on the show. If you’re interested in getting to know yourself better, There is now a free type finder personality assessment on the Quiet Strong website. This free assessment will give you a brief report, including the 4 letter Myers Briggs code, and you can also purchase the full report if you’d like to learn more. I will add a link in the show notes. There’s so many great things about being an introvert, and so we need those to be understood. Get to know your introverted strengths, and needs and be strong.

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