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Show Notes
Are you an introvert struggling with relationships but finding it difficult to connect with another introvert? If so, you’re not alone.
This episode is for anyone looking to better understand introvert-to-introvert relationships and the differences that exist within different personality types – even among fellow introverts. In this episode, host David Hall discusses some reasons introverts struggle to connect with one another including our own perceptions around introversion.
David also takes a deep dive into other personality differences through the lens of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). He discusses how different personality preferences affect communication, decision-making, and work preferences.
David emphasizes the importance of recognizing and appreciating different personalities, in order to communicate effectively and resolve conflicts. And he explains how understanding differences in personality types can not only help people better understand how they communicate and make decisions but can also help them navigate relationships with more confidence and understanding.
Through this episode, listeners will gain insights into their own communication style, decision-making processes, and work preferences, as well as learn how to embrace their natural strengths as introverts and have a greater appreciation for the introversion-extroversion spectrum.
Whether you’re an introvert looking to improve your relationships or someone looking to better understand a loved one, this episode offers valuable insights that can help you connect with others on a deeper level. Tune in to learn more!
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David Hall
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Timestamped Overview
[00:02:46] Text summary: The text talks about a creative and smart person who is a deep thinker. The writer and his wife are both introverts, with him being an early bird and she being a night owl. Sometimes introverts don’t understand each other, as highlighted by a listener’s comment about family clashes.
[00:05:57] Introverts need silence to have rich conversations. Preparation is key for introverts in meetings. Understanding the need for solitude is important.
[00:07:46] Value deep relationships, not just casual acquaintances; don’t assume someone’s personality type based on behavior; understanding yourself is empowering.
[00:12:05] Myers-Briggs Type Indicator categorizes individuals into 16 personality types based on their preferences of how they perceive the world, gather information, make decisions, and interact with the external world. Recognizing and appreciating these differences can help individuals communicate effectively and make decisions that incorporate both the concrete realities and broader perspectives.
[00:17:07] Different communication styles can clash when S types desire concrete information and N types provide abstract interpretations. S types focus on practical information while N types focus on overarching concepts and use figurative language. It’s important to understand both styles.
[00:20:13] People with “Thinking” and “Feeling” personality preferences may clash when making decisions based on both objective analysis and personal values, but both approaches are valid. “Thinking” individuals may use imagination to empathize rather than feeling emotions directly.
[00:22:17] Different personality types have contrasting approaches to conflict resolution, which can clash if they have different expectations or strategies for resolving conflicts. Judging types prefer structure and organization, while Perceiving types prefer flexibility and adaptability.
[00:26:13] Personality types are determined by four pairs of preferences, resulting in 16 unique types with insights into communication, decision-making, and work preferences. An online assessment is available for free on the Quiet and Strong website.
Questions and Answers
1. What is the Myers Briggs Type Indicator?
Answer: The Myers Briggs Type Indicator is a popular psychological assessment tool that categorizes individuals into one of the 16 personality types based on their preferences.
2. Who developed the Myers Briggs Type Indicator and why?
Answer: The Myers Briggs Type Indicator was developed by Isabel Briggs Myers and Catherine Briggs, who based their work on Carl Jung’s personality theory. They adapted Jung’s theory to make it more accessible and practical.
3. What do the preferences in the Myers Briggs Type Indicator reflect?
Answer: The preferences in the Myers Briggs Type Indicator reflect how people perceive the world, gather information, make decisions, and interact with the external world.
4. Why is it important to recognize and appreciate differences in preferences in the Myers Briggs Type Indicator?
Answer: Recognizing and appreciating differences in preferences can help individuals with different preferences find common ground, communicate effectively, and make decisions that incorporate both concrete realities and broader perspectives.
5. What is the split between introverts and extroverts in the population?
Answer: It’s about a 50-50 split in the population between introverts and extroverts.
6. How do sensing and intuitive types differ from each other?
Answer: Sensing types rely on their five senses and prefer step-by-step approaches while intuitive types focus on patterns and connections and are more imaginative and conceptual in their thinking.
7. What are the differences between feeling and thinking types?
Answer: Feeling types prioritize open communication and emotional understanding in conflict resolution, while thinking types prioritize logical and objective approaches.
8. What are the differences between judging and perceiving types?
Answer: Judging types prefer structure and organization, while perceiving types prefer flexibility and keeping options open.
9. What is the speaker’s personality type?
Answer: The speaker, David Hall, identifies himself as an INTJ.
10. What is the value of understanding oneself and their natural functioning in social situations?
Answer: Understanding oneself and their natural functioning can make all the difference in social situations and free them to be who they want to be.
Podcast Transcript
David Hall [00:00:08]:
Hello and welcome to episode 123 of the Quiet Strong podcast, especially for introverts. I’m your host, David Hall, and the creator of quiet and strong.com. This is a weekly podcast dedicated to understanding the strengths and needs of introverts. Introversion. It’s not something to fix, but to be embraced normally. We will air each episode on a Monday. Be sure to subscribe on your favorite platform. Leave a review.
David Hall [00:00:33]:
That would mean a lot to me. Tell a friend about the podcast. Help get the word out there that introversion is a beautiful thing. In the last episode, I talked with Dr. Lori Helgo and her extroverted husband, Baron. Lori is the author of Introversion Power, and Baron has spent his career practicing law. They also have a new podcast called The incompatibles, where they discuss their differences, especially around introversion and extroversion. Check out episode 122 if you haven’t already, and check out their podcast.
David Hall [00:01:07]:
Their back and forth can be very funny at times, but also helpful to see the differences in personality. It’s also important to know that these differences are natural and not something that we choose. Like many introverts on my show, Laurie shared, it took some time for her to embrace introversion. And normally I ask my introverted guests when they embrace their introversion. But in this case, I asked Baron when it was that he embraced Lori’s introversion. He said that it was when he was helping her edit her book, Introvert Power. Reading her writing gave him perspective into his wife’s introversion and her personality. I thought that was fascinating because that’s when I learned more about my wife when she was helping me edit my blog many years ago.
David Hall [00:02:00]:
My wife is an introvert, but it wasn’t until well into our marriage I started to understand her personality better. Even though she’s a fellow introvert and we have similarities, we also have some differences. And so I remember one time she was helping me edit my blog. At the top of our stairs there’s a nice built-in workspace with two desks, and I was working with her side by side. She was editing my blog and I was trying to talk to her and she was ignoring me. I’m thinking, what’s up with that? But I realized that this was part of her introversion. She was deep in thought. It is a gift for her.
David Hall [00:02:46]:
She’s a very creative person and she’s one of the smartest people I know. And this comes from being a deep thinker. Baron and Lori also talked about how Baron is an early bird and Lori is a nido. Again, my wife and I are both introverts, but I’m the early bird and she’s the night owl in both of our cases. This is where we find some alone time needed as introverts. I like the peace and quiet in the morning when the rest of the house is asleep and she takes advantage of the night hours when the rest of the house is asleep. Lori made the comment that sometimes, even as introverts, we don’t understand each other. And as soon after this episode I received a nice email from a listener and he said he was really enjoying the podcast, but he had a family member that was also introvert and sometimes they clash.
David Hall [00:03:48]:
So let’s talk about that today. Sometimes introverts can clash with other introverts. Maybe those same issues that may cause problems between introverts and extroversion exist even as introverts. Maybe we don’t extend the same understanding to other introverts that we want extended to us. It can also be hard to connect introvert to introvert sometimes. And an important piece of this conversation is no two people are exactly alike. Introversion is one part of our personalities, but there are many other facets and uniqueness that we each have. So as we talk today, this is not meant to be comprehensive and cover all the ways we might clash with one another as introverts.
David Hall [00:04:37]:
Let’s talk about some things that might cause issues. I’ve come to understand that there was never anything wrong with my introversion, but rather what was wrong was my lack of understanding of my introversion. As an introvert, you have great gifts but also needs understanding. This was life changing for me. As you get to know what introversion means, be sure to extend that same understanding to the other introverts around you. For far too long, introverts have been made to feel that they need fixing. Be sure not to try to fix other introverts, but have understanding and if needed, help them come to embrace their introversion. So let’s talk about our strengths and needs.
David Hall [00:05:22]:
As introverts, we are naturally drawn to our inner world of ideas and we have great imaginations. We spend more time in thought than we do focusing on the world around us. We may get lost in thought. Keep in mind that you will get lost in thought and so will the other introverts around you. It is normal. It doesn’t need to be awkward. We think before we speak. There can be some silence in conversations while introverts are thinking.
David Hall [00:05:57]:
In a conversation between two introverts, there may be plenty of silence. If this is understood that we’re thinking rich conversations can occur and without the pressure to fill the silence. We do better when we prepare in advance for meetings, presentations, speeches. Keep this in mind for other introverts. Let’s make sure that we have a meeting agenda and plenty of time to prepare ahead of time so that other introversion in your meetings can be ready to participate and offer their best ideas. Sometimes we need alone time to think and recharge. Do you know what causes your need for some solitude? Can you share this? Can you articulate this need? Let the other person know that you care. And this need for solitude is a need and it’s not personal.
David Hall [00:06:56]:
Also respect the other introverts need for solitude and don’t take it personally. Often we need time to process answers to questions, especially complex ones. Articulate that need say, give me a minute to think about that, or in some cases, I’ll let you know tomorrow. Give other introverts the same space to think when they need it. As introverts, we prefer deep conversation to small talk. This could be tricky for two introverts to get right to the deep conversations. Small talk may be necessary even between introverts in order to move into those deeper conversations. And if you struggle with small talk, know that you can absolutely get better at small talk when needed.
David Hall [00:07:46]:
I will tell you it’s a beautiful thing to have a friendship with someone that you can skip the small talk and go right into topics you both care deeply about. As introverts, we prefer having a few deep relationships instead of many casual acquaintances. Keep this in mind, as your fellow introverts also might value this close circle of friends like you do. You can’t always guess whether a person is an introvert or extrovert. Of course, there’s clues on the outside looking in, but you can’t always see whether someone’s preference is toward the inner world of ideas because it’s not an apparent behavior. The person’s behavior does give clues, but only the individual themselves knows whether they are naturally, inwardly or outwardly focused and what they enjoy doing, what strengthens them, where they feel confident, and what drains them coming to understand these ideas has made all the difference in the world to me. I used to have difficulty in some social situations because I didn’t understand myself and sometimes felt less than. But understanding who I am and how I naturally function frees me to be who I want to be.
David Hall [00:09:04]:
But my point is that no matter how comfortable I am in social situations and regardless whether I am quiet in some situations, the things that make me introvert will not change. I am a deep thinker. What is at the core of my introversion? It’s who I am. Understanding these things about my personality allows me to make changes in how I do things and how I approach situations. By learning who I am, I can learn the very best ways to accomplish my goals. There are great gifts that come from introversion. Learn your gifts and learn the gifts of fellow introverts. There will be some overlap, but also uniqueness.
David Hall [00:09:45]:
None of us are exactly alike. Personalities are unique for each individual and there are many different personalities as there are people. While our personalities are multifaceted, I do feel there are some commonalities that can help us come to understand and appreciate people from all sides of the introversion extroversion spectrum. It’s about a 50 50 split in the population between introverts and extroverts. So either you are an introvert or you know someone that is quite as strong as dedicated to helping introverts. Embrace introversion and bring understanding about someone in your life, whether that be a spouse, child, brother, sister, student, coworker, employee, boss, customer or stranger. The goal is to help all introverts embrace their natural strengths and have a great understanding for all about introversion and extroversion. As I’ve mentioned in previous podcasts, there are many great tools and assessments out there to explore our personalities and gain some self awareness.
David Hall [00:10:53]:
Thinking back to episode ten, we talked about personality assessments and understanding strengths. One of my favorites is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. The MBTI has 16 different personality types, including eight introverted types and eight extroverted types designated by a four-letter code. For example, I’m an INTJ. The underlying theory for Myers Briggs Codes was developed by the mother-daughter duo Isabel Briggs Myers and Katherine Briggs. They based their work on the personality theory proposed by Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung. The work of Isabel Briggs Myers and Katherine Briggs has had a significant impact on the field of personality psychology, and their contributions to the development of MBTI have made it one of the most widely recognized and used personality assessments worldwide. Isabel Briggs Myers and her mother, Katherine, were fascinated by Jung’s ideas on personality types and began exploring ways to apply his theories to practical use.
David Hall [00:12:05]:
They conducted extensive research, including studying Young’s book psychological types, and developed the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator as a way to assess and categorize individuals based on their preferences. Isabel Briggs Myers further refined and expanded upon Young’s theory, adapting it to more accessible and practical tool for understanding personality. She developed the Myers Briggs Type Indicator questionnaire and formulated the four pairs of preferences introversion, extroversion, sensing, intuition, thinking, feeling, judging, perceiving that form the basis of the Myers-Briggs codes. The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator is a popular psychological assessment that categorizes individuals into one of 16 personality types based on those four preferences. These preferences reflect how people perceive the world, gather information, make decisions, and interact with the external world. It’s important to note that clashes between preferences do not imply that one is better than another. Everyone has their strengths and values in different situations. Recognizing and appreciating these differences can help individuals with different preferences find common ground, communicate effectively, and make decisions that incorporate both the concrete realities and broader perspectives.
David Hall [00:13:36]:
The four pairings of the Myers Briggs are introversion-extroversion, sensing-intuition, thinking-feeling, and judging-perceiving. And this is our focus on the quiet and strong podcast: Introversion – extroversion. This pair reflects where individuals draw their energy and where they focus. Extroverts tend to focus on the external world and gain energy from social interactions. Introverts, on the other hand, focus on their inner world of ideas and draw their energy from within. Introverts need solitary time to recharge, think, focus, plan. Introverts, as stated earlier, do best with some preparation.
David Hall [00:14:22]:
Since we’ve covered this already, we’ll focus on the other three pairings. Also, keep in mind that you need to consider the combination of pairings and not the pairings in isolation. Maybe this is a future episode. So the next pairing is Sensing or S versus Intuition, which is noted by an N. This pair describes how individuals prefer to gather information and process data. Sensing types tend to rely on their five senses and focus on concrete details and immediate realities. They are practical, observant, and often prefer step by step approaches. Intuition types, on the other hand, rely on patterns, connections, possibilities.
David Hall [00:15:09]:
They look beyond the surface, enjoy brainstorming, and are often more imaginative and future oriented. This and all of the three pairings can be for an introvert or extroversion. One introvert may be more intuitive in a big picture person, while another may be more detail oriented. If this difference is not understood, there can be clashes between introverts and other introverts. And this clash between the sensing and the intuition. Preferences can occur in various situations and contexts where individuals with these different preferences interact and process information. Here are a few examples where clashes between sensing and intuition can arise. So, with gathering and processing information, S types like to focus on the concrete details in immediate realities.
David Hall [00:16:05]:
They rely on their five senses and prefer factual information that is directly observable. They prefer step-by-step approaches, have a practical orientation. N-types, on the other hand, focus on patterns, connections and possibilities beyond the immediate data. They look for understanding meanings, future implications, and tend to be more imaginative and conceptual in their thinking. Clashes can occur when the S types prefer a more literal, concrete approach to information, while Ntypes seek broader patterns and meanings, which may lead to differing interpretations and perspectives. So, two different approaches we need both of these types. We need people that are more sensing, we need people that are more intuitive, but we also need to understand each other and understand the other type from us. One time I was training two employees, one high in sensing and one high in intuition.
David Hall [00:17:07]:
One needed very detailed step by step instructions and one needed the overall big picture and would figure out the details later. It was a challenge to give them both what they needed and what they needed at the same time during this training. S-types often communicate in a direct, specific and detailed manner, focusing on tangible facts and practical information. They may be more precise and specific in their language end types, however, they communicate in more abstract, conceptual and metaphorical ways, focusing on the big picture and overarching concepts. They may use more figurative language and enjoy exploring various possibilities. These contrasting communication styles can lead to clashes when S types desire more concrete, specific information and N-types provide more abstract and broad interpretations. As you think about these things, think which one of these relates more to me? And do I understand the other side of it? That’s a very important piece. And S types make decisions based on tangible evidence, facts, practical considerations.
David Hall [00:18:29]:
They often prefer tried and true methods and rely on past experience. N-types, on the other hand, make decisions based on patterns, underlying meanings, and future possibilities. They may be more open to innovative approaches and novel ideas. Clashes can occur when S types prefer a more traditional improvement approach, while the N-type seek novel and imaginative solutions leading to different priorities and perspectives on decision making. Again, neither is right or wrong, good or bad. You just got to understand your preferences and preferences of those around you and how you can complement each other. So the next pairing is Thinking or a T or feeling an F. This pair reflects on how individuals may make decisions and prioritize values.
David Hall [00:19:25]:
Thinking types tend to make decisions based on logic and objective analysis. They value fairness, consistency, and seek factual solutions to problems. Feeling types, however, prioritize personal values, emotions, empathy when making decisions. They continue the impact on people and strive for harmony in relationships. So ttypes tend to prioritize logical analysis, objectivity and rationality. When making decisions, they may focus on efficiency facts. Impartiality often striving for fair and consistent outcomes. F types, on the other hand, prioritize personal values, emotions, and the impact on people involved.
David Hall [00:20:13]:
They may consider the harmony of relationships and strive for decisions that align with their values. These contrasting approaches can lead to disagreements and clashes when individuals with a T and F preferences need to reach a consensus or make choices that involve both objective analysis and personal considerations. So I’m a thinking person. I do care deeply about people, and I hope that that’s apparent in all that I do. So while the feeling person has a gift to actually be able to have empathy through feeling people’s emotions, that’s not my gift. I don’t know why, but instead I use my gift of imagination when I’m feeling empathy to put myself in someone else’s shoes. Neither approach is right or wrong, just different. There can be clashes when someone naturally approaches life logically.
David Hall [00:21:13]:
They might be seen as uncaring when they may care deeply. T types may provide feedback or criticism based on logical reasoning and objective evaluation. They may focus on identifying areas for improvement or pointing out logical flaws. F types, however, may prioritize the emotional impact of feedback and consider the feelings of others. They may empathize the importance of perceiving feedback in a considerate and tactful manner. These different perspectives can lead to misunderstanding or conflicts when the thinking and feeling types communicate feedback or receive criticism very differently, and when conflicts arise. T types may approach the resolution by focusing on objective analysis, logical solutions and fairness. They may detach emotionally to find the most rational resolution.
David Hall [00:22:17]:
F types, on the other hand, may prioritize open communication, emotional understanding and the preservation of harmony. They may be more inclined to address the emotional aspects of conflicts and seek resolutions that consider the feelings and values of everyone involved. These contrasting approaches to conflict resolution can lead to clashes if the thinking and feeling types have different expectations or strategies for resolving conflicts. Again, think about which approach is yours and when you are in intuition, do you understand the other personality type and then judging or a J versus perceiving a P this pair describes how individuals approach the external world and deal with the outside environment. Judging types prefer structure, organization, closure. They’re often decisive, like to plan ahead, and feel more comfortable with schedules and deadlines. Perceiving types, on the other hand, prefer flexibility, adaptability, and feeling options open. They enjoy spontaneity, dislike rigid plans, and tend to be more comfortable with last minute changes.
David Hall [00:23:39]:
Jtypes tend to prefer structure, order planning. They like to have clear goals, deadlines, systematic approaches to tasks. They thrive in organized environments and may feel a need for closure and decisiveness. ptypes, on the other hand, prefer flexibility, adaptability, keeping options open. They may enjoy spontaneity and tend to be more comfortable with last minute changes. Clashes can occur when J types want to stick to a predetermined plan and ptypes prefer to explore alternatives or deviate from the original schedule. Jtypes typically prefer making decisions and finalizing them quickly. They may be focused on closure and want to move forward once they feel they have gathered enough information.
David Hall [00:24:35]:
P-types, however, tend to prefer gathering more data, exploring options, keeping decisions open-ended. They may be more comfortable delaying decisions until they have explored different possibilities. These differing approaches to decision-making can lead to clashes for sure, with Jtypes feeling a sense of urgency and P-types wanting more time to explore the Jtypes tend to prefer stability, predictability, and routine. They may feel uncomfortable with sudden or unexpected changes and may resist adapting to new circumstances. P-types, on the other hand, are generally more open to change. They’re more adaptable and flexible. They may embrace new opportunities and find it easier to adjust to unexpected situations. Clashes can occur when J-types resist change and P-types are more willing to embrace it, leading to tension and differing perspectives on how to navigate and respond to changing circumstances.
David Hall [00:25:40]:
So I mentioned that my wife and I are a lot alike. We’re both introverts. This one, this pairing is where we differ. I’m an INTJ and she’s an INTP. She is more spontaneous and doesn’t have much anxiety. I tend to worry too much, and she has been a calming influence on me throughout our time together. She compliments me in this way. I would like to think I bring a little structure to her life, but I don’t think she’s going to admit that.
David Hall [00:26:13]:
By combining these four pairs of preferences, individuals are assigned a four letter code representing their personality type. Like I said, for example, an individual who prefers introversion, intuition, feeling, and judging would be classified as an INFJ. I’m an INTJ, as I said earlier. Back to the podcast with The Helgoes, Barron was talking about how he approached life in a very analytical way. I commented that that was me as well, and Laurie pointed out that her and I shared introversion. But my “thinking instead of feeling” approach may be more like Barron’s, even though he’s an extrovert and I’m an introvert. Each of the 16 Meyers-Briggs types represents a unique combination of these preferences, providing insights into individual communication style, decision-making process, and work preferences. If you’re interested in getting to know yourself better, there’s now a free typefinder personality assessment on the Quiet and Strong website.
David Hall [00:27:22]:
This free assessment will give you the four-letter Myers-Briggs code. You can go to QuietandStrong.com/type to take this free assessment. As introverts, we need to continue to get to know ourselves better. At the same time, we need to get to know the strengths and needs of other introverts and extroverts in our life. No gift is better than another, but we need everyone’s gifts. Thank you so much for joining me. I hope you take the time to explore other episodes and learn more from our amazing guests and I’d love to connect with you. Reach out at david at quietandstrong.com or check out the Quietandstrong.com website, which includes blog posts and links to social media for Quiet and Strong.
David Hall [00:28:09]:
Send me topics or guests you would like to see on the show. There’s so many great things about being an introvert and we want those to be understood. Get to know your introverted strength and needs and be strong.
David Hall, M.Ed. is a speaker, author, and host of the Quiet and Strong Podcast, where he interviews thought leaders, creatives, and professionals who help introverts thrive. With over 25 years in higher education, David has led workshops, trainings, and presentations on productivity, personality, and introversion. His mission is to help introverts honor their needs, understand their strengths, and succeed on their own terms. He is the author of Minding Your Time: Time Management, Productivity, and Success, Especially for Introverts and a passionate advocate for creating work environments where introverts can do their best work.
