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Show Notes
Are you an introvert looking for strategies to achieve success in your personal and professional life?
Join us in this episode of The Quiet And Strong Podcast as host David Hall sits down with guest Andreea Sandu. Discover how Andreea Sandu went from a software engineer to a successful entrepreneur and high-performance coach, utilizing her introverted strengths along the way. Together, David and Andreea explore the power of empathy, the importance of deep thinking, and the role of changing your thoughts in achieving success.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
– Strategies for optimizing productivity by understanding and meeting your unique needs as an introvert
– The six key habits of high performers and how to incorporate them into your life
– The true nature of influence and how introverts can cultivate it
– Overcoming the nerves and anxiety associated with public speaking and networking
Key takeaways from this episode include the importance of recognizing and valuing your introverted strengths, the power of thought and mindset in achieving success, and the strategies introverts can employ to thrive in various aspects of life.
Whether you’re new to the world of introversion or have been navigating it for years, this conversation is packed with insights and practical tips that will empower you to thrive. So, find a cozy spot, and join us for an empowering conversation on strategies for success, especially for introverts. Trust us, you won’t want to miss it.
– – –
Andreea Sandu is a Certified High-Performance Coach and author of “The Introvert Who Could.” She currently splits her time between writing and helping creatives achieve their goals. Andreea considers herself a “visible introvert” and is on a mission to change how others perceive this personality type. She lives in the UK with her husband, toddler, and 2 Beagles.
Get Andreea’s book: The Introvert Who Could
Website: AndreeaSandu.com
Socials: Instagram | LinkedIn
Contact: Email Andrea
– – –
Contact the Host of the Quiet and Strong Podcast:
David Hall
Author, Speaker, Educator, Podcaster
quietandstrong.com
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david [at] quietandstrong.com
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Timestamped Overview
[00:02:18] In summary, the author transitioned from being a software engineer to pursuing side hustles in blogging, fitness, coaching, and writing. They found writing to be an introvert-friendly way to market themselves and coaching to be a way to build strong relationships.
[00:04:37] The person chose high performance for personal development and productivity. In a coaching session, they changed their view on introversion and realized they could still network as an introvert.
[00:09:48] Different personality types experience empathy in different ways and that is not a problem. Introverts need time to think and process, which is essential for their deep thinking abilities. Understanding and valuing our unique gifts is important.
[00:13:15] The author discovered high performance through productivity and learned six habits for achieving success without sacrificing other aspects of life, including the importance of influence even for introverts.
[00:18:34] Success for introverts lies in finding personal productivity methods and understanding their unique networking style. Introverts need alone time while valuing connections, choosing deep conversations over rapid interactions, for a fulfilling experience.
[00:22:21] Be aware of thoughts, change negative ones to positive for better outcomes in life.
[00:26:50] Understand your needs, create ideal conditions, identify obstacles to productivity.
[00:31:43] The author values the time they used to spend commuting to work as it allowed them to think and decompress. They now make sure to set aside time for this even when working from home.
[00:35:54] Negotiating space in relationship between introverts.
[00:39:25] Confidence is not necessary, courage is. Gain confidence through taking action and facing nerves/anxiety.
[00:41:23] The author reflects on feeling invisible and decides to work on becoming visible by building a network and promoting themselves.
[00:44:20] Introverts being visible and confident in public, no fear of public speaking, importance of preparation, accepting imperfection, taking time to recharge after conversations.
Questions and Answers
1. How did the speaker transition from software engineering to coaching and writing?
The speaker started doing side hustles in areas such as blogging, fitness, and eventually coaching and writing to pursue their own business and be their own boss.
2. What aspects of coaching and writing make them introvert-friendly?
Coaching and writing allow the speaker to support others from behind the scenes and express their thoughts and ideas through writing, which aligns well with introverted tendencies.
3. How does the speaker market themselves primarily?
The speaker’s main way of marketing themselves is through writing, especially through email.
4. What is the speaker’s personality type and how does it influence their empathy?
The speaker identifies as an INTJ, which stands for thinking, while the other person is an INFJ, which stands for feeling. The speaker’s empathy is more focused on thinking and imagining what someone else is going through, while the other person’s empathy is more focused on feeling the emotions of others.
5. What is the importance of understanding and changing one’s thoughts?
Understanding and changing one’s thoughts can improve self-perception and how others perceive them. By identifying and changing negative thoughts, one can have a positive impact on their mindset and interactions with others.
6. What is the speaker’s perspective on working from home during the pandemic?
Working from home made the speaker realize the value of the time spent on their commute, which provided a nice separation and a time for deep thought and decompression.
7. How does the speaker define high performance?
High performance means achieving long-term success without sacrificing other aspects of life. It was created through research and coaching sessions with top performers.
8. What are the common habits of top performers identified by the speaker?
The speaker identified six common habits of top performers: clarity, increasing energy, courage, productivity, necessity, and motivation.
9. How does the speaker view influence and introversion?
The speaker initially believed that being introverted meant they couldn’t be influential, but they learned that influence is a vital skill for success and that being introverted doesn’t prevent one from being influential.
10. How does the speaker approach networking as an introvert?
The speaker emphasizes the importance of deep conversations rather than trying to meet everyone quickly. They believe that extroverted approaches to networking may work for others but not for introverts like themselves.
Podcast Transcript
Andreea Sandu [00:00:00]:
to have a schedule that really fits my needs. And that means having a lot of time on my own. Or if I have really crazy weeks when I have a lot of interaction, then I know that the next one has to be a bit slower so I can get my my energy back, then I really, really focus on the things that matter. I know what kind of activities produce the best results for me and I just do those.
David Hall [00:00:43]:
Hello, and welcome to episode 129 of the Quiet and Strong Podcast, especially for introverts. I’m your host, David Hall, and the creator of quiet and strong dotcom. This will be weekly podcast dedicated to understanding the strengths and needs of introverts. Interversion is not something to fix, but to be embraced. Normally, we will wear each episode on a Monday. Be sure to subscribe on your favorite platform. Leave a review. That would mean a lot to me. Tell a friend about the podcast. help get the word out there. The introversion is a beautiful thing. Andreea Sendhu is a certified high performance coach and author of the introvert who could She currently splits her time between writing and helping creatives achieve their goals. Andreea considers herself a visible introvert and is on a mission to change how others perceive this personality type. She lives in the UK with her husband, toddler, and 2 beagles. Welcome to the Quiet and strong podcast, Andreea. So good to have you on today.
Andreea Sandu [00:01:38]:
Thank you very much. I am very happy to be here, and I’m really looking forward to our conversation because as as I said when when you were we were chatting, it’s not as usual for me to find someone who’s as passionate about this topic as I am. So this is this is a great space for me right now.
David Hall [00:01:59]:
Yeah. So 2 passionate introverts. What could be better? And, Andreea, you we’re gonna get into your book, “The Introvert Who Could.” But before we do that, let’s let’s just talk about your journey as an introvert to then becoming a high-performance coach and an author?
Andreea Sandu [00:02:18]:
I started so my 1st 10 years of my working life have been in software. I’ve been a software engineer to begin with and towards the end, I was starting to feel like I want to have my own thing. I would like to, you know, be my own boss of my own schedule, do things my way. So I started to have side hustles. I’ve gone through quite a few transitions. blogging, fitness, and eventually got to land on coaching. and writing, which I feel they’re very introvert friendly. Because as a coach, I am kind of the person that’s behind the scenes that’s helping you, supporting you all the time, but I’m not, you know, another performer my client is. And for writing, writing has been one of my main ways to market myself because writing gives me the opportunity to put my thoughts on the page and be able to edit, really think about my ideas and develop them. I guess my Yeah. Email for me has been the main way to market myself. And also, writing is is amazing because you can do it, you know, in your own time where in your pajamas, you don’t have to go anywhere. which is amazing. And with coaching, I do I do one on 1 in small group coaching. that gives me the opportunity to really build strong relationships. And and I love that, and it’s very yeah, for us introverts, I think, strong relationships are the way.
David Hall [00:04:16]:
Yeah. And that’s We off we often talk about myths on this show, and it’s a myth that introverts don’t like people. It’s just we thrive in the one on one or the small group, and so so that’s awesome. And we also often thrive in writing where we give ourselves some time to think and process our thoughts. So that’s amazing.
Andreea Sandu [00:04:37]:
Right. Yep. Exactly. And I chose high performance because I’ve always been into personal development and productivity specifically. And then, obviously, high performance is a lot more than productivity, but that’s what kind of brought me to it. And a funny story on one of performance coaching sessions. That was for me. I was the client. On one of those sessions, I got to change how I see introversion. So that was my light bulb moment. And for that, I was forever grateful and yeah, I I love high performance for that. It was the session and coverage, by the way. Uh-huh. And what I went to be coached on was, hey. I want to build my business, and I know I need to network for that. because, you know, I need to meet people and tell them what I do. But I’m an introvert. And the coach said to me, but what does that mean that you’re an introvert and you can network? Why are they where are those things related? And it really made me ask myself, why are those things related in my mind? Is it because other people say they are? Is it because it’s just the the common belief? So it made me question Why am I making my introversion mean that I cannot do stuff? Why am I focusing on the negatives? And that was my light bulb moment and everything changed from that.
David Hall [00:06:26]:
That’s awesome. So before that, When was it that you determined, a, I’m an introvert? What was that light bulb moment?
Andreea Sandu [00:06:36]:
I don’t think I labeled it until very late in my life. I probably understood that I’m different because people were telling me that I’m quiet. And I was trying to change even though I liked it in my own way, but, you know, in a job, they keep telling you. You have to talk more in meetings. You have to be more social. And I thought it I I thought, oh, that’s the truth even though I didn’t really want to change. And I think I realized I put the label on it in the beginning of my business I heard someone talk about my bricks and I went to do the tests myself Oh, I’m an introvert. This is a thing. There’s nothing wrong with me. This is actually a thing. And I can also see the good stuff in it. And I am an INFJ, by the way. And that was yeah. From then on, I thought, okay, so this is a personality type. There’s nothing wrong with me. Let’s see how how this works and how we can utilize the strengths of the personality.
David Hall [00:08:02]:
Yeah. Yeah. The Myers Briggs has definitely been part of what’s helped me understand and embrace my introversion as well. What were the things that you thought, oh, here’s what’s good about this?
Andreea Sandu [00:08:15]:
I I knew that I am a deep thinker. And until that point, I was thinking that’s holding me back. But then I realized, oh, deep thinking is actually also good planning. I’m also a very, very good listener. And again, I used to judge myself for that and now I see, oh, if you listen, you just pause and listen to the other person, you will learn so much about them. And that that is good for even for business. Right? because we understand what the other person needs. But, also, that makes you a really, really good friend. So thinking and listening were definitely superpowers that I I finally saw. And I don’t I don’t think This is for everyone. I’ve heard that it’s true for some people, not true for others, but empathy I am on a more extreme side of the sensitivity spectrum. And I judged myself for that a lot in in the past. And now, again, I see that it’s a really good thing.
David Hall [00:09:48]:
Yeah. It’s a gift. But like you’re saying, we might experience it differently. You said you were i n f j, and and the f stands for feeling. I’m a INTJ, and it stands for thinking. So I have empathy, but mine is probably gonna look a little different than yours, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just, you know, mine’s gonna be more of a thinking kind of empathy, and yours is gonna be a more feeling. For whatever reason, you know, you probably feel the feelings of others more than I do. And I am gonna be more like, you know what? If I was helping you, I I would use my imagination and think, what’s it like to be, Andreea? You know, what she going through? Versus you might if you were helping me, you might actually you might do some of that too, but you you’re gonna my actually feel more of my feelings. And, again, we’re all we’re all different. And that’s we were talking a little bit before the show too if the Myers Briggs really kinda helps some of those other things that may not be directly related to introversion, extraversion. It helps explore, you know, how you see the world, how you are organized, or or more spontaneous, you know, big picture details. So it’s a good thing because we’re half the population. we’re not all the same. You know? Like, there’s a lot that we have in common as introverts, but as we get to know each other more, there’s a lot of gifts that you have that I may not have exactly. and that’s important to understand. And I think well, I think something that we all share is what what you said first was we’re deep thinkers. and that is such a valuable gift, but it can be misunderstood. And I think part of that gift is understanding that you have needs that go along with it, and that’s some of the misunderstandings. Like, you and I, we’re gonna need some time to think. You know? Whereas, somebody maybe the extrovert doesn’t need that time. They they have some different needs, but we need to understand our own need to, you know, take some time to think, process, plan, focus, all of that And it’s not it’s not strange. It’s just what we need as as part of our our deep thinking. And the world needs deep thinkers. We need people to to solve some serious problems and come up with some innovative solutions that the deep thinkers are very needed. And it’s it’s bad that sometimes that we were made to feel like our gift wasn’t valuable.
Andreea Sandu [00:12:15]:
That’s true. Just sometimes I try to imagine what if everyone would just talk all the time. It would be chaos. No one would listen to anyone. No one would have any space to think or come up with ideas. That would be terrible. So we we we need both. We need both introverts and extroverts, and we have to really accept that. we are all very valuable and understand each of these personalities’ needs Because if I don’t take care of my needs, I will not produce the best work that I can produce. And we want everyone to come with their best work.
David Hall [00:12:59]:
Yeah. Absolutely. Very well said. We we need everybody, and we just all need to understand each other. Right. So how did you get into high performance coaching and just tell us briefly what what the 6 pillars are that you go by?
Andreea Sandu [00:13:15]:
As I said, I was very into productivity, so I I discovered high performance through productivity and then really understand what it means and how to apply it for myself. High performance is achieving success on a long period of time without sacrificing the rest of your life, your health, your relationship. relationships. And the the whole concept was created by researching the top performers in the world and doing a lot of coaching sessions with top performers to understand what are their common common habits, common qualities? Can I take those and use them for myself and become a top performer. So they got to the conclusion that their 6 habits that if we all apply no matter no matter where we are, our age, our personality types, we can all get to that kind of success. And those are clarity, seeking clarity, increasing our energy. Then we have courage, productivity, necessity and the motivation and and influence. And I think influence, when I got to understand it, that was also a really big big turning point in my life when it comes to being an introvert because that’s when I realized You cannot thrive in life if you don’t have this skill. You cannot live on a on an island on your own, you have to have the skill. You have to know how to talk to people, to motivate them to sell them on your product, on yourself. Even in our day to day communication, we want to know how to talk to our families so they can understand us. They can, you know, even do what what we want them to do. But influence is such a big skill and I kind of pushed it to the side for a big part of my life because I thought I don’t need it. And also because I’m an introvert, I cannot I can never be good at that. I learned it, and it made such a big difference. You can be an introvert and be very influential.
David Hall [00:16:04]:
Yeah. And so those 6 principles apply to everybody, but an introvert might go about them. a little differently. That’s where your book leads. Right?
Andreea Sandu [00:16:16]:
Right. And even if you think about, I guess, clarity, really knowing yourself and what you’re capable of and what you want and then having courage to go and do it. an influence to have the people around you that could help you, that’s it. Your your good to go. A bit of productivity and then that necessity, that motivation, something that pulls you forward. and anyone can be successful.
David Hall [00:16:50]:
Absolutely.
Andreea Sandu [00:16:51]:
So — Yes. I’m I’m saying it as a as an easy thing. Of course, it’s not easy, but Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Simple.
David Hall [00:16:58]:
So I love the title of your book, the introvert who could, and then, of course, the subtitle, how to succeed, in your career in life by nurturing who you are. Love that. And that goes along with what you’re saying. We can be successful. We can be high performers, but it’s introverts. We need to understand how we’re gonna approach those things.
Andreea Sandu [00:17:20]:
Correct. I wanted the book to be a book about how twitch achieves success. That that was it. That was my goal in the beginning. And I really thought, what angle could I apply to this book what really can make it stand out, and I thought about what helped me back in the past. Like, oh, Big an introvert. Okay. Now we can add some really specific things so it can be a book about success for introverts. And the the subtitle was because, as I said, me and my in my corporate life on every single review. Every single year, I had a manager who told me you have to be more social. You have to go out to the events. You have to talk more in meetings. And I really I I got sick of it. I didn’t want to change anymore. I didn’t even want to try anymore. So I wanted to have success in my own way was that possible? Yes. I I had to find it.
David Hall [00:18:34]:
And that’s the key. It it is success in your own way. My first book was on productivity, especially for introverts, because that’s the that I learned that And just the quick story behind it was, you know, I I was learning I was an introvert. At the same time, I was extremely busy. You know, I had a full time plus job. My wife has her own business, which I help her run, and I had 3 kids. I still have 3 kids, but they definitely all all kept me it was very busy. So I was studying time management at the same time, and I was realizing there’s some principles here, but they’re not called out as introverts or In some cases, they’re not saying what I need. And that’s the whole thing. Like, yeah, I need some time alone every day. I don’t wanna be alone all the time. Like, you know, connection is very important. You know, spending time with family, friends, work colleagues, that’s all important. but I need some time. And so that’s the difference. It’s like, what do you need as a introvert? Or in your book, you get into things like, you know, how do you network as a introvert? And if I compare myself to my extroverted colleague and a networking event and try to do things like her Not only am I not gonna be happy, I’m not gonna be successful. I’m not gonna try and meet all hundred people all at once. but I’m gonna try to find some good conversations, some deep conversations. And I’m not saying her way is wrong where she’s bouncing around as quickly as she can, but it’s not gonna work for me. It’s not gonna be effective. I’m not gonna have a good time.
Andreea Sandu [00:20:07]:
That’s true. Yeah. Absolutely. Since since you are talking about networking, I I did I I had this idea in the beginning that I couldn’t do it at all. This is not for me. I I don’t even wanna wanna try because it will be terrible. And that really was only a thought. It’s not true. it was embedded in my mind because I’ve heard it from other people so many times, but that doesn’t make it true. So once I decided to no. I’m gonna change this idea. I don’t want this to be true for myself. How can I network in in my own way. So once that idea went out of my mind, everything was so much easier. And I tried you know, I I started really small. I started with the online events and small groups and asking other people to introduce me really, really small steps until I was able to go for the big events. And even the ones in in person, A few years ago, going to an in person event would have scared me like crazy. Now I’m going to want tomorrow, and I’m really excited about it.
David Hall [00:21:37]:
So using networking as an example, I think part of it is, you know, figuring out what you need as an introvert, how you’ll be successful. But another thing I really like about your book because you really devote a lot of time to being able to change your thoughts and your emotions. So if you at first, you were scared about the networking event. You could go to it. But if you don’t change your thoughts that this isn’t scary, you’re gonna be scared every time. And I’ve learned that If you change your thoughts, your emotions are around it, then the next time, it doesn’t have to be a scary thing. So talk to us about how you can change your thoughts and your emotions around something that is isn’t comfortable for you or is is scaring you.
Andreea Sandu [00:22:21]:
Changing your thoughts, first of all, you have to start being aware of them. And sometimes we are not. We we operate in some ways and we think they’re just the default, and this is how it’s done. and we don’t stop the question, why am I doing this? Or why am I thinking this? because once you identify those thoughts, you can you can change them. It will take some time. And while you change them, all you really need to do is is be aware of them. One of my really powerful ones that I had to eventually change was I’m socially awkward. So just imagine how do you feel when you were constantly thinking I’m socially awkward. while you go somewhere and you feel awkward because that’s the story you’ve done yourself. It’s like your thoughts create a sort of energy around you, and that’s what other people sense as well. So if I’m thinking I’m socially awkward, I go somewhere and not only I feel awkward, but those other people will perceive me as awkward. And that’s what I’m gonna create in my life. And once I realized Am I really thinking this? Why am I thinking this? I’m a really lovely person. Let’s let’s start to change that. And before every single interaction, I just reminded myself, oh, this is your default thought. How do you want to think in this moment? What do you want to to project to the world? And the one that I eventually replaced it with was I have a lot to offer to the world. People will be really, really lucky to meet me. And, obviously, that feels that feels confident that feels open. curious for me. So when I go somewhere, this is what I project. This is how people perceive me. I’m I’m not the awkward one anymore. But, yeah, you need to spend a bit of time trying to understand your thoughts, which is which is something really fun for us, right, to stop and think
David Hall [00:24:51]:
about things. That’s we’re we’re good at thinking. We’re good at reflecting. And so, you know, we can over overcome these bad thoughts by reflecting and replacing them. Right?
Andreea Sandu [00:25:01]:
Right. And you can do that simply by, you know, just thinking. You can use journaling. You can talk to someone in a conversation, those things, if you speak them, they will eventually come out, and you can hear yourself saying oh, I’m awkward or I’m terrible with meeting people. You stop and you say, oh, did I just say that? Is that really true? Is that what’s running in the in the computer in my mind? So, yeah, as tools, this is what I would suggest if you want to do this kind of work.
David Hall [00:25:40]:
Yeah. And just an example of feeling like you’re awkward, So you can totally change your thoughts and, you know, as you were putting it. You know, I am I’m a very worthwhile person. You know, I I have a lot to offer. All of those can fill yourself with those kinds of things. And at the same time, something that’s really helped me is just remembering I’m not awkward. but it’s okay. I’m gonna have some awkward moments. Everybody does. You know? It’s normal to have awkward moments. As an introvert, I do get lost in my thoughts sometimes, then that that can lead to awkward moments. But I’m not a awkward person. I just might have an awkward moment, and that’s normal, and everybody experiences those.
Andreea Sandu [00:26:22]:
that’s really, really good. Yeah. And in the way that you’ve said it, you’re also detaching yourself from the word. You’re not awkward. You’re not labeling yourself as awkward. It’s just something that happens. Yeah. And it happens to everybody. To everybody.
David Hall [00:26:39]:
Yeah. Okay. I also love in your book that you talk about productivity. Again, that’s a big passion of mine. What do we need to know as introverts to be productive? What’s different in our approach?
Andreea Sandu [00:26:50]:
First of all and we already touched on this really understand what you need. How do you operate best? So then you don’t just do things, but you do things well. because I’ve I have I’ve had times in my life when, yes, I did the thing, but because I didn’t have the proper conditions. It wasn’t good, so I had to do it again. And that obviously wastes precious time. to understand your needs, understand the conditions in which you work best, and create that for yourself. And then look at look at what makes you not be productive. And that’s usually because you don’t have energy, whether that’s mental, emotional, or physical, or or you don’t have time. And, again, look at why are those things happening. Is it because you have too much on your plate? Because you’re unable to say no to other people? which I find that is a bit hard for us. Sometimes I just say yes only so I can So I can finish the conversation and be done with it rather than have the awkwardness of of saying no. So why? Why are you busy? And then as we just talked, what are your thoughts? what is stopping you from being productive? Because productive is is, again, it’s an energy. What what is the thought that’s producing? However, you’re acting right now.
David Hall [00:28:40]:
What are some things that you do to be productive as a introvert?
Andreea Sandu [00:28:46]:
I try to to have a schedule that really fits my needs and that means having a lot of time on my own. Or if I have really crazy weeks when I have a lot of interaction, then I know that the next one has to be a bit slower so I can get my my energy back. Then I really, really focus on the things that matter. I know what kind of activities produce the best results for me and I just do those. Live the rest if I can outsource. I outsource. If not, I sometimes just drop activities that I think don’t add value to to my work. What else? I’m really knowing where I’m going, what I need to do, and, yeah, using using all my tools to get there.
David Hall [00:29:51]:
Yeah. And I think, you know, it’s really key what you said. You have to think about What what are my priorities? What do I really need to get done? I think in times in the past, especially when I was first really starting to look at this, I was overwhelmed because I was trying to do everything. And I quickly learned you can’t do everything. Right?
Andreea Sandu [00:30:13]:
Well, sometimes you can. But at the end of it, you’re tired. And — Yeah. — maybe you’d you didn’t even make enough progress because so many things on your to do list were useless.
David Hall [00:30:27]:
Right. Right. And you might have tried to do too many and not done any of them well?
Andreea Sandu [00:30:33]:
Right. That’s all. So true.
David Hall [00:30:36]:
Yeah. I read in your book. I I think it was in your book that you said you didn’t miss your commute. You weren’t commuting anymore?
Andreea Sandu [00:30:43]:
Is that right? I I have moments when I miss my commute
David Hall [00:30:47]:
because that was — — about that. I relate to that, and I’ll tell you why, but so go ahead.
Andreea Sandu [00:30:53]:
because that was the moment when I had time for myself. I used to spend about an hour to and from on the train. And sometimes Sometimes I read, sometimes I listened to music, but sometimes I didn’t do anything. You know? I I was just sitting on the chair for an hour. It was really great because it was the transition time between work and home. And when I was working as a yoga teacher from work to the studio and then to home, I needed those those transitions time to switch my brain into what I’m gonna do next. So, yeah, I do need it. I I miss it somehow.
David Hall [00:31:43]:
Yeah. So I I had a similar experience. So There was a year and a half during the pandemic where I just worked at home, and that was new for me. You know? Mostly, I had been going into the office for many, many years. And my drive was about the same, 45 minutes to an hour. And when I was just working from home, I realized, oh, that time was so valuable to me. I don’t miss the driving. I don’t miss paying for gas. All that stuff But the time, it is exactly like you described. It was that way for me. It was that that nice separation. It was a time to get into some deep thought think about my day and and kinda decompress from the day and then go home and engage with my family. And And so when I didn’t have that, I realized how much and it wasn’t, you know, wasn’t the commute, so to speak, but it was that time that was so important to just really have some time to think. Or as you said, not to think. You know, maybe it’s just I’m just listening to music, and I’m not thinking, or maybe, you know, solving problems at work or or thinking about different things, and it was just such valuable time. And I kinda made a joke with my wife, you know, while I was not working in the office at all. I’d say, well, okay. I’m gonna drive home now, you know, and move from my home office maybe to my recliner in my room again before I was ready just to go hang out with everybody and, you know, in the family. And I I just realized how valuable it was and that it was important to make sure I had that time. I’m going into the office 2 days a week now, so I I, you know, have that time is commuting time. But when I’m not, I still need to make sure I have that time to think decompress after work. all of that. So, you know, that was just one thing that made me realize, you know, as introverts, the time to think the time to plan. It’s it’s so important that we give ourselves that time.
Andreea Sandu [00:33:43]:
Absolutely. And now when we’re working from home, we learned that, oh, it was valuable. So let’s try to bring it into our days without, you know, without going anywhere. And for me now, now that is walking my dogs, in the beginning of the day, that’s the first one, 2 hours. That’s it. I’m going out to the park, walking the doggies, and then I’m ready.
David Hall [00:34:12]:
Yeah. That’s good. You know, there’s a lot of talk about introvert recharge. It’s like I was just describing. There’s a lot more reasons why we need time alone. You know? It’s to think and plan, focus, and all that good stuff. But we do need time to recharge. Why why is that important for introverts to take the time to recharge from various things?
Andreea Sandu [00:34:34]:
If we don’t yet that time, because it’s embedded in our brain that we need it, somehow the brain will get it. And that will might be in very, very unfortunate circumstances. It will it will force you to take a break. It will force you to go and be away from from other people. And I know in the book, I gave the example of in the beginning, when I just had my child and we were all home all the time. I sometimes started to pick fights just so I can leave the room and be on my own for a little bit so I can recharge. So if you don’t intentionally get that time, your brain will make you take it in some way or another.
David Hall [00:35:28]:
Right. So how do we figure that out with those that we care about, those that we work with, you know, that we need this time. You know, how do we set appropriate boundaries so that we get this time, but also send a message. You know, this is something I need. I do care about you. It’s not personal. How do we do that?
Andreea Sandu [00:35:49]:
I guess for us, it’s really easy because our partners are introverts.
David Hall [00:35:54]:
And they know — — cases, yes. Yes. Well, you know what, though, there’s still something to negotiate because, again, yes, my wife is a fellow introvert, so she does understand that piece. And, actually, we didn’t understand that from the beginning. Some of our understanding came as as I started writing about introversion, and she’s helping me edit my blogs and my book You know, we oh, that’s why she is ignoring me over there because she’s thinking. She’s deep in thought. You know? And and we’d been married a long time when I started writing about introversion, and and we definitely love spending time together. we’re never drained by each other. You know? That’s she’s somebody that is never draining to me. But at the same time, sometimes She needs her space. Sometimes I need mine, and it’s still a negotiation even though we’re we’re fellow introverts.
Andreea Sandu [00:36:48]:
But it it is easier when you know that. Yes. Even if even if you have that first in the instinct to get said, oh, she’s ignoring me, then you realize, oh, I know why it’s happening. Okay. I’m gonna I’m gonna go. I’m gonna leave her.
David Hall [00:37:05]:
Yeah.
Andreea Sandu [00:37:07]:
And well, why do you think it’s so hard for us to say, hey, I need some space to friends? Well, nowadays, we can we can use technology maybe to to implement some of these boundaries And I was just talking to someone about the fact that no one can add anything in my calendar or earlier than 48 hours in advance. because I need time to prepare. So that’s a boundary that I’ve put using technology. But then if if there are friends, I guess, same time, they they start to learn our ways, and they know that, oh, I might text Andreea, but she will probably text me back tomorrow. I guess — Yeah. — the yeah. They learn.
David Hall [00:37:54]:
Yeah. And I think I I think it’s the Overall problem in our society is that maybe our extroverted friends and colleagues, they don’t need the same thing. and neither is right or wrong. It’s just different. And sometimes they may not understand that you need some time alone when they don’t need the same time alone. And that’s where I’ll that’s why we do this work. It’s it’s bringing understanding, hey. You know what? I do best. Like, one of the the things that changed my life was just blocking off my calendar for the 1st 90 minutes of my work day. That that was life changing for me. You know? It’s that time to to get ready for the day to maybe focus on something, and that’s been key. But my extroverted friend may not need that same thing.
Andreea Sandu [00:38:40]:
Right. We need to learn how to communicate this, knowing the relationship, and knowing what the the outcomes of the relationship are, then we can find a way to tell that person This is what I need to do my best work.
David Hall [00:39:00]:
Yes. Absolutely. I love how you put that. This is what I need to do my best. We need to understand that about other people. Here’s what they need to do their best and really support each other in the different ways we get to our best.
Andreea Sandu [00:39:13]:
Right.
David Hall [00:39:15]:
Wow. There’s so many things that I wanna talk about today. If the introvert isn’t confident, how do they gain that confidence?
Andreea Sandu [00:39:25]:
Oh, that that’s a great question. I would say they don’t need confidence. They need courage. Okay. That’s the that’s the first step. You cannot be confident in something that you haven’t done yet, and we sometimes think that we need confidence before we do something. It’s not a requirement. It’s a result of what we’re doing. And, obviously, you need to have that courage to do it first the first time and little by little you will gain the confidence. However, I also wanted to say that you can be still very nervous and confident at the same time. I I am confident in what I talk about. But before we had this conversation, How do you think I felt? I was so nervous. As I was waiting in Zoom and, you know, the little spinner that goes around, and it made me so nervous, and I realized, oh, you can be competent and nervous at the same time. And you can you can feel the the the nerves the anxiety and still go ahead and do the thing. what, in my case, what matters is, am I willing to feel the anxiety for us to have this conversation for us to be able to spread this message. And the answer is yes. I will feel anxious again tomorrow if that’s what it what it’s needed.
David Hall [00:40:58]:
k. I like that distinction that yeah. because there’s there’s things that are gonna be new that we may still be learning, but we can have the courage to do them. I like that. Absolutely.
Andreea Sandu [00:41:09]:
And, again, as you said, Some things are hard for everyone, not just for introverts.
David Hall [00:41:16]:
Right. Right. Right. And then you also talk about being a visible introvert. What does that mean?
Andreea Sandu [00:41:23]:
Visible? I I yo I chose the term visible because it’s the opposite of invisible. which is kind of how I felt for a while when no one knows who you are and what you do, and then people forget about you or, you know, things that really make you feel invisible. I I was on in a writing group with a a group of 10 people, and we all worked on something together. The paper got out, and they forgot to put my name. And that was one of the best examples of me being invisible. It still happens sometimes, but I knew that if I Let this be how I live. I will never thrive. If people don’t know you, you you cannot succeed. on your own. And this is why I decided, okay. No more invisibility. Let’s work on becoming visible, and that was that was the work to have people that know who you are, what you do, how you can help them, create a network of people who either work with you or can recommend you. This is visibility for me. just being out there when you need to be out there while still nurturing yourself.
David Hall [00:43:00]:
Yeah. Absolutely. Andreea, there’s so many other things I could ask you today. You know, this has been a great conversation. Is there anything else that you wanna highlight your book that we haven’t talked about yet?
Andreea Sandu [00:43:14]:
I oh, since we talked we we touched on confidence and networking. public speaking is also a really good example of this kind of of work. And since we were also talking about visibility, we maybe have the impression that This is not for us because we’re introverts. I think everyone struggles with public speaking the beginning, I think this is one of the biggest fears of humanity, public speaking. So — Right. — it’s not it’s not because you’re an introvert. It’s because you’re human. and give yourself time to prepare ahead so you are confident in in your topic and you know that you develop the idea as best as you as you could. Practice And then if you are still nervous, remember that it’s normal and you can still do it with the nerves.
David Hall [00:44:20]:
Absolutely. I mean, look, you know, 2 introverts here, being visible, and having a public presence. And, yeah, I used to be terrified of public speaking. I’m not. I don’t get nervous. And it’s normal to get nervous as you’re saying, but but I don’t. And part of it is so important is it’s preparing and thinking ahead of time, what do I wanna talk about? What’s my message? And, you know, you can’t prepare for everything, but do your best preparation and tell yourself I did my best preparation. Another kind of one of those thoughts that has really helped me is, you know what? You’re not perfect, but nobody else is either. So And — Absolutely. — and then after, if you need it, give yourself that time to recharge. – – – No. It’s not an if. It’s for sure I need it. – – – Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, like, I have absolutely loved this conversation But guess what? I’ve blocked off an hour after. You know? And and in the beginning of podcasting, I wasn’t doing that. And I’d find that, you know, I’d have these great conversations, but still needed a little bit of downtime after. So so, again, I’ve loved this conversation. Not not draining, but I need to I need to recharge after.
Andreea Sandu [00:45:36]:
Absolutely.
David Hall [00:45:38]:
Alright. Well, Andreea, where can people find out about the great work that you do in your book and everything?
Andreea Sandu [00:45:45]:
They can go to andreeasandu.com, which is my name .com. Just remember that Andreea has 2 e’s instead of just one. And that’s where you can find the link towards the book to learn about high performance and even set up a strategy call with me. If they want to learn more about high performance, everything is there. or if they want to stay in touch via email, there’s information. Very good. Thank you for that. for for the conversation as well, it’s been really, really good.
David Hall [00:46:22]:
Great. And I will put all of that into the show notes and Thanks again, Andreea. This has been a very wonderful and helpful conversation. Thank you so much for joining me. I look forward to further connecting with you. Reach out at david at quietandstrong.com, or check out the quietandstrong.com website which includes blog posts, links to social media, and other items. Send me topics or guests you would like to see on the show. If you’re interested in getting to know yourself better, there’s now a free type finder personality assessment on the Quiet and Strong website. This free assessment will give you a brief report including the 4 letter Myers Briggs code. I’ll add a link to the show notes. There’s so many great things about being an introvert, so we need those to be understood. Get to know your introverted strengths and needs and be strong.
David Hall, M.Ed. is a speaker, author, and host of the Quiet and Strong Podcast, where he interviews thought leaders, creatives, and professionals who help introverts thrive. With over 25 years in higher education, David has led workshops, trainings, and presentations on productivity, personality, and introversion. His mission is to help introverts honor their needs, understand their strengths, and succeed on their own terms. He is the author of Minding Your Time: Time Management, Productivity, and Success, Especially for Introverts and a passionate advocate for creating work environments where introverts can do their best work.
