Episode 139 is all about finding your spark and designing an authentic life.

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Show Notes

Have you ever wondered how to expand your personal power and design an authentic life? In this episode of the Quiet and Strong Podcast, host David Hall sits down with psychotherapist, author, podcaster, and filmmaker Stephanie James to explore the transformative journey of “igniting the spark” and “becoming fierce.”

Join David and Stephanie as they delve into the depths of self-reflection, discussing the power of active listening, surrender, and the misconception surrounding it. Stephanie shares her personal stories of overcoming challenges and how surrendering led to divine intervention and miracles in her life.

Throughout the episode, Stephanie highlights key takeaways from her books, “The Spark, Igniting Your Best Life” and “Becoming Fierce,” which provide practical tools and exercises to integrate into your daily life. From quieting negative chatter to healing relationships and finding true empowerment, Stephanie’s insights will leave you inspired and ready to create powerful change in your own life.

Don’t miss out on this enlightening conversation filled with wisdom, vulnerability, and hope. Tune in to discover how to tap into your personal power, design an authentic life, and foster deep connections with others. Whether you’re seeking healing, growth, or simply a fresh perspective, this episode will provide you with the tools and inspiration you need. So, grab your headphones and get ready to join David and Stephanie on this transformative journey.  And be strong!

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Stephanie James is a seasoned psychotherapist and transformation coach, a dynamic public speaker, published author and filmmaker, Stephanie delivers her message in a powerful way to help others find their own internal sparks, break through limiting beliefs and create an empowered life full of passion and possibility.

Visit Stephanie’s Website: StephanieJames.world

Get Stephanie’s Books: 

The Spark: Igniting Your Best Life
Becoming Fierce

Socials: Instagram | Facebook

Listen to David on Stephanie’s Podcast:

Your Introversion is Your Gift – Find Out Why with David Hall

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Contact the Host of the Quiet and Strong Podcast:

David Hall

Author, Speaker, Educator, Podcaster

david [at] quietandstrong.com

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Timestamped Overview

[00:00:39] “Welcome to episode 139 of Quiet Strong podcast, featuring Stephanie James, a psychotherapist and author.”

[00:03:26] The author had a happy childhood until her parents divorced, which shattered her life. She spent years trying to earn love through achievements but was told to stop trying and focus on self-acceptance. This led to her journey of healing and helping others.

[00:10:19] The text suggests that negative beliefs can hold us back, but with effort and awareness, we can change and grow.

[00:14:17] Authenticity and understanding oneself are key to embracing one’s unique gifts and sharing them with the world. Preparation is necessary for effective communication, but spontaneity also brings forth special abilities.

[00:18:15] The writer appreciates the differences and similarities in their conversation, highlighting the importance of embracing one’s authentic self.

[00:21:27] The text outlines the process of creating a film with thought leaders, who came together to share their experiences of overcoming challenges and ignite change.

[00:26:30] The experience exceeded expectations, meeting incredible people, making connections, and creating a film.

[00:30:44] In summary, the text discusses the concept of growth, healing, and evolution, emphasizing the interconnectedness between humans and nature. It also briefly mentions the speaker’s upcoming women’s retreat and the pursuit of continually expanding and offering meaningful experiences to others. Furthermore, the text mentions the influence of a book called “Chatter” by Ethan Cross and how it has provided helpful tools for personal development.

[00:33:01] This text discusses the topic of negative self-talk and provides specific tools for quieting the inner chatter. It emphasizes that everyone experiences feelings of not being good enough and suggests techniques such as speaking to oneself in the third person and connecting with nature to calm the mind. The text recommends a book that is full of helpful tools and applicable to anyone.

[00:36:55] Having awareness, writing affirmations, and practicing gratitude for 21-30 days can change our thoughts and create new habits. Negative thoughts stick, but we can activate thriving centers in our brain with positive experiences.

[00:42:41] Author discusses personal challenges, including childhood struggles and daughter’s addiction, emphasizing the power of surrender and divine intervention.

[00:44:31] The text is about a book that has personal stories, research, exercises, and interviews with experts. It also touches on topics like unconditional love, power dynamics, and healing divisions.

[00:48:17] Connect with me at david@clientstrong.com, visit the Quiet and Strong website for blog posts and more, and take the free personality assessment. Embrace introverted strengths.

Podcast Transcript

Stephanie James [00:00:00]:

People hear fierce, and they think, oh, you know, aggressive, assertive, I’m fierce. And to me, truly fierce is if you look up the definition, part of it is fiery, you know, and it’s that fiery, passionate, purpose, filled energy, that we all have inside of us, and it is being more authentically, you know, becoming as authentic as you can. So that you are living your life in full expression of you.

David Hall [00:00:39]:

Hello, and welcome to episode 139 of the Quiet Strong podcast, especially for introverts. I’m your host, David Hall, and the creator of quietestrunk.com. This is a weekly podcast dedicated to understanding the strengths and needs of introverts. Entravision is not something to fix, but to be embraced. Normally, we will our h episode on a Monday. Be sure to subscribe on your favorite platform. Leave a review. That will mean a lot to me. Tell a friend about the podcast. Help get the word out there. The introversion is a beautiful thing. Stephanie James is a seasoned psychotherapist and transformation coach, a dynamic public speaker, published author, and filmmaker. Stephanie delivers her message in a powerful way to help others find their own internal sparks break through limiting beliefs and create an empowered life full of passion and possibility. Our new film when sparks ignite hosts a highly reputable cast of international thought leaders and change makers. Its powerful message is about how the challenges we face can actually become the match point that ignites something within that becomes our gift to the world. Her latest book, Becoming fierce, takes the reader through a compelling and dynamic journey to expand personal power purge what doesn’t serve us and design authentic life that is deeply fulfilling. With profound wisdom and decades of research, Stephanie gives her readers a north star to guide them to solid shores, thrive through challenging times, cultivate strength, and courage and create substantial change in their lives. Stephanie has an unrelenting commitment and personal passion to bring as much love and healing to the world as possible. Her work has ignited the sparks and thousands of others to create powerful change in their lives and change their pain into possibilities. Alright. Well, welcome to the quiet and strong podcast, Stephanie. Stephanie, it’s so great to have you on.

Stephanie James [00:02:28]:

Oh, it’s so wonderful to be here with you, David. Thank you.

David Hall [00:02:32]:

So I was just recently on your show, igniting the spark, we had a wonderful conversation, especially about yourself as a extrovert to me as an introvert conversation and just understanding our differences. And I I love that conversation.

Stephanie James [00:02:46]:

I did as well. I I really felt like I truly learned so much from you. In that episode, I love that you were debunking a lot of the myths on introverts and really highlighting the gifts beyond the stereotype.

David Hall [00:03:03]:

Yeah. Absolutely. So We’re gonna definitely get into your work. You’ve written a couple books. You’re a filmmaker, psychotherapist. It’s a lot around igniting the spark like the name of your podcast, becoming fierce. We’re gonna talk all about that. But first, let’s hear a little bit about your journey to doing this great work that you’re doing now.

Stephanie James [00:03:26]:

Well, thank you. You know, like everyone, I think none of us get out of life unscathed. And sometimes there can be that myth that because you have all these products, if you will, in the world. You know, you’re doing all these things in the world that life’s been pretty easy for you. And, honestly, David, it was for the 1st 13 years of my life. I kinda had this golden childhood, and I write about it in my last book, you know, my latest book, Becoming fierce, because I felt it was important to share this story of little girl, sweetest family, very intact, had this, you know, truly love affair with my dad when I was a little girl, those innocent love affairs where I would just follow him around, like, his little shadow. And if he was, you know, getting the leaves off the lawn, I was there helping him agum and rake him up. And I followed him around so much that I was the little kid that sat on the bathroom counter, why he shaved, and I would have him put shaving cream on my face. And every day I would shave my face with this little plastic toothbrush holder, But it was it was just this kind of, surrounded by families, surrounded by relatives, so much time in the Colorado mountains. And all of that, David, really, in in one moment, was completely shattered and irreversibly broken. And to to not go too far into detail, but just to kind of skim along the surface, this great childhood. In one night, my father, said to my mom, I’m in love with someone else. And really, you know, everything just exploded in my life. And before I knew it, I was you know, with my dad, I naturally went with my dad because I was so close with him, and I had a new stepmom. And the rules were I couldn’t be alone with my dad. I couldn’t talk to him alone. You know, up until the day he died. I wasn’t allowed to speak to him alone on the phone. And so what started happening inside of me is like, feeling something was wrong with me. Something’s wrong with me. I felt like I lost love, and it got worse when I decided to stay in Fort Collins where I had grown up in Colorado at 16 when they moved to Austin. And when I decided not to go with them, my father stopped speaking to me for a year. And I share all this story because I went from being this very competent little girl who was in every sport. I did tap dancing jazz ballet. I played the piano, flew the violin. I mean, I was as well as softball and soccer and basketball. I was very you know, lit up as a kiddo. And my my life just I mean, I was just for the next probably 15 years searching, trying to earn love. You know, I really felt unlovable. And I thought, oh my gosh. If I just, you know, do the right things and get good grades and, you know, dress well enough and look good enough, then I’ll be lovable. And it wasn’t until, an early event in my early thirties, excuse me, an event in my early thirties where I was just woken up. And it was through. You I think you saw it, David, in the film. I speak of it, a little bit in my film, when sparks ignite, being at a retreat, in San Francisco, and having the presenter stopped in the middle of what he’s saying and he looks out at the audience and says, hey, you, in the blue coat. And I look around, and I’m like, oh, I’m the one in the blue coat. And he said, I have a message for you. Well, and the story goes on to I I couldn’t hear his message. He had to repeat it three times. And by the third time, all of the air conditioning units in the place went on, and nobody could hear him. So people are laughing and and my friend beside me. He’s like, what is going on? And he calls me up on stage with him, and I sit on these stairs by the stage, and he says, my dear, the message that is so hard for you to hear that I’m trying to tell you is stop trying. Stop trying. He said you’ve been trying your whole life to be perfect. Like, I don’t know how he knew this, but, wow, just through a handshake and introduction, I felt like this man read my soul. And he just said, stop trying. You’ve tried to be perfect your whole life for your father. Now you’re doing it for your husband. Stop trying. And that began this journey of really being able to befriend myself and and knowing that, wow, all these outside things I’ve been trying to get none of those would ever work, that it was actually an inside job. And that began, yeah, this this huge journey, not only into healing myself, but through my career, acquiring the wisdom, acquiring whatever research I could get my hands on, not only to help me heal, but how can I help others heal as well? So that that kind of that’s that’s the story.

David Hall [00:08:50]:

Thank you for sharing your story. And You know, we all have different stories and those stories are what gets us to the spark. Right?

Stephanie James [00:09:00]:

Absolutely. I mean, I wouldn’t be who I am today. I don’t think. Not that I would ever wish anything negative like that to happen, but through that experience, and I I think I’ve gained a depth of understanding and compassion and empathy that’s allowed me to be a truly effective psychotherapist or transformation coach or just human being, because I have experienced some of those depths, and I’ve experienced some of the the most wonderful. I mean, I always feel like I had this great inner stuff and I had so much love and so much connection as a kiddo. And so it’s really helped me to help others, like, go back to what I believe is our true spark, which is our essence, you know, and that’s the part that no matter what circumstances we go to or what happens in our lives, It might feel like it’s covered up, but our job is really our our work is how do we excavate that to get to what truly is always there. It never leaves us.

David Hall [00:10:03]:

Yeah. Everybody has such different experiences, but everybody goes through a difficult journey. I I’m pretty sure everybody does. But how how are some people not ever getting to that place of igniting their spark of turning that journey into a spark?

Stephanie James [00:10:19]:

I think from my experience and what what I understand with people and when I’ve worked with people that are therapy resistant, if you will. What often happens is because we have this natural negativity bias in our brain, Our brains are always looking. That primitive part of our brain is always looking for a threat. And so if we let that just go unchecked, and we don’t deal with the chatter in our minds, then some of those early messages that we got is kiddos, which no matter how from our childhood was, they’re not always gonna be favorable. And so the negative beliefs, if we just allow those to be our inner chatter and do nothing about them, then we are gonna be stuck. You know, growth, personal growth, expansion, it it takes effort. And so we can’t just go on automatic pilot. And I think when people sometimes get to the place where they’re hurting enough, they’ll they’ll put the work in. They’re willing to put the work in. And I would love that paradigms to change that we don’t have to suffer in order to grow. We can grow in awareness and then say, hey. Wow. These beliefs or this behavior isn’t working for me. And here are the things I can do to change it.

David Hall [00:11:39]:

Yeah. I think you’re right too often. It’s you have to hit that rock bottom in order to decide I’m gonna do something different. I can’t do this anymore, but wouldn’t it be so much better if we all came to a self awareness, learn from our struggles, and, you know, ignited that spark. And it the spark is gonna be different for all of us. Right? We each have our own gifts that we bring.

Stephanie James [00:12:01]:

Absolutely. And and this kinda goes back to some of our introvert extrovert conversation because I am such a far end extrovert that for me igniting the spark, my mom always says if I don’t show up at a family gathering for some reason, if I have a prior commitment she’s like, oh, we missed our spark plug, and that was way before the spark was branded.

David Hall [00:12:24]:


Stephanie James [00:12:24]:

You know, so I have a very high energy. I think I vibrated a very high frequency. And that doesn’t mean that, you know, I I think, again, other people igniting their spark If you’re introverted, that might look really different. It might feel like freedom inside of you. It might feel like clarity inside of you. You know, it’s it’s gonna be a really different expression, and they’re all wonderful when you truly start doing that work and feeling those sparks ignite.

David Hall [00:12:57]:

Yeah. Yeah. The Spark might just be a little more on the inside, but it’s the Spark nonetheless. To find that Spark just a little bit more.

Stephanie James [00:13:06]:

Yeah. Thank you. I I do feel like it is our essence. I really do. And and for me, it’s a divine spark. So it’s it’s the some people might call it spirit. I’ve heard people call it, you know, god spark. It I I don’t want the language to mess it up. It doesn’t I think it’s it’s like our true life force. It’s that spirit that we’re born into the world with. And, you know, I’ve heard it said, you know, I I some old yogini, I think, you know, was talking about the spark inside of us and saying, it’s the part of us that water can’t wet, fire can’t burn it out, and wind can’t blow out flame. You know? So it’s it’s our true self. To me, it’s that authentic self beyond, again, cultural conditioning, even beyond how we define ourselves by our thoughts, our our emotions, our our behaviors, It’s I I just think it’s that glowing essence that’s very pure, always there, and it is truly always accessible even if we have to do a lot of excavations to get there.

David Hall [00:14:17]:

Yeah. Yeah. That’s, one of my favorite words right now, authenticity. And it’s part of the work that I do. And I think I probably said this on your show. It’s not all introverts that struggle with our authenticity. It’s it’s some because they don’t understand themselves. And that’s part of it is understanding you have great gifts. They may not look like somebody else’s gift. You know, right before the show, we were talking about preparation, and I really have to think about the podcast or a speech or I was just on a panel yesterday. I have to think ahead of time. You know, what and it’s not scripted, but what are the kinds of things that I want to do? It has to it has to happen ahead of time for the most part. And in your case, you’re gonna do some of that, but you’re gonna also be a lot more spontaneous and gifts come from that. And so there’s definitely it’s just different. That’s spark. I agree. It’s it’s it’s in us. I call it divine as well. It’s something that is unique, but something that’s meant to be shared, unique gift to the world, really.

Stephanie James [00:15:19]:

Well, and and thanks for saying that because I think that’s one of the essential pieces for me as well. It’s one of the things that I think I say at some point during the film, it’s like that we never know the sparks we might ignite in one another. And I truly do believe that, like, as we do our own work, And, again, I write about this, you know, in in my latest book, it’s it’s that process, befriending yourself allowing yourself to be a priority enough in your life that you start really taking care of yourself. And as you heal, That’s actually the gift. As you ignite your spark, you know, you are giving that gift to the world, you become a clearer conduit for that love and healing, what whatever that is to come through you and and your gift those authentic gifts, those authentic pieces of who you are, then truly. I don’t wanna overuse this analogy, but it is. It’s like, that’s those are the golden threads. In the tapestry of humanity. I really believe that. And and that’s how we can help one another here.

David Hall [00:16:23]:

Yeah. And again, I thought we had a really good extrovert to introvert conversation. Did you have some other takeaways from the episode where we talked?

Stephanie James [00:16:32]:

Well, I think one of one of the things that was important to me was understanding some of some of the ways that you prepare. I don’t think that was something I thought about. I think, you know, I said during our interview, wow, you know, I even as a psychotherapist, I feel like I was limited in my true understanding, you know, and we hear so much about, oh, introverts need to recharge by themselves and extroverts recharge around people and how That that is, like, the most limited view of what introversion is.

David Hall [00:17:08]:

Oh, thank you for sharing that again. That’s what people say, and I’m like, that doesn’t help me. Sure. I do need to recharge. Absolutely. And not not from all people. I don’t know if I say this on your show, but my wife is a fellow introvert. Never drains me. In fact, she energizes me. I love spending time with her. So to say that I’m always drained by people, it’s not true. And she’s not the only one, but she never drains me. Certain people in certain situations do. So that’s great, but there’s so much more to it than that. And I I hear people say that all the time. It’s almost like when they say that definition, it’s almost like saying, yeah, we’re okay. But to me, it’s like, you’re much better than okay. You’re brilliant. You’re wonderful. You need to embrace the spark that’s you, and it’s not just that you get drained by people. So thank you for sharing that again. That’s a big part of my message. It’s that definition is so limiting and, sure, there’s truth in there, but it’s not enough.

Stephanie James [00:18:04]:

Well and absolutely. And the the thing that, for me too, I get drained by some people as well. I need my alone time every day.

David Hall [00:18:14]:

Right. Right.

Stephanie James [00:18:15]:

You know, and so the similarities were also something that were remarkable to me and you know, our conversation you were just alluding to before, you know, the interview, which was you were talking about how you were prepared and how you’d been preparing things. And I was like, okay. Don’t tell me. You know, because because I I am so much more spontaneous. And yet what I sent you was true. I’m like, oh my gosh. You know, I need people like you in my world, and I think that’s one of the important pieces we need one another. I need people in my life that really plan things out and really think things through. And I love that one of the things I truly learned from you was a little bit more about that inner process to go within and how you then, okay, now I have this idea of what this is gonna look like, and this makes it so much more comfortable to begin. And that neither one of these are right or wrong. There’s not one good or bad or better than the other. It’s just who we are. You know, and I love that. That’s talking about our authentic self. It’s embracing like, yeah. This is how I do it. I don’t need to do it like Stephanie. I don’t need to do it like David. I’m gonna do it however I do it. So I think that’s important. Yeah.

David Hall [00:19:32]:

How do you help people become self aware?

Stephanie James [00:19:35]:

Wow. That’s a great question. Man, I I don’t know. You know, you say that and I go, I don’t know. I the first thing I go to is my therapy office. So people can only be as self aware as they are capable of being open in the moment. So if I’m working with someone, this this is not true. I have not worked with this person, but let’s say that someone was a true narcissistic personality disorder. We know one of the things about that disorders, they don’t have the capacity for insight or compassion. So someone like that or empathy And and so it’s gonna be really difficult for that person to gain insight into their behavior. I do think, though, when people are open, and willing to show up. I think one of the ways that we can help people gain insight is through optive listening, truly active where you’re out of your head, you’re in your heart, you’re really holding space to listen to that person, and then you’re reflecting and asking questions that just helps them find the answers themselves. You’re not imparting wisdom on someone. I mean, once in a while, you know, you’re sharing an idea or you’re sharing, you know, oh, this is something that really, you know, was important in my life. And, you know, what do you think about this? And I wonder how this lands with you. That’s all great. But it truly is it’s gotta be that person being willing to be open, and then we kind of hold the mirror and ask the questions that help them to dive deeper.

David Hall [00:21:15]:

I just recently watched your film when sparks ignite. I loved it. It was great. Tell us a little bit more about that film and the message behind it and how it came about.

Stephanie James [00:21:27]:

So thank you. I’m so glad that you that you liked it. It was such a passion project for me. And literally that film happened after a meditation, I can remember exactly where I was sitting. It was an evening after work. I got done with meditating and literally had this download like, oh my gosh. I know some of the most brilliant minds and serving hearts on the planet, and I need that I need to bring them together for this event. Now what’s interesting is that at the time, I had just gone through a divorce, and I had probably 67¢ in my savings account. So for me to get the idea like, oh, I’m gonna create a film, and I’m gonna have these people that are huge thought leaders internationally come together. There was only one thing, but could have done that, which to me is this, you know, divine intervention because everything happened serendipitously. You know, the films the the thing that I was passionate about is this film helping people to understand that it is the difficult and challenging times that we face that be can become that match point that ignite something within us that then does become our gift to the world. And as I spoke to people, you know, these incredible thought leaders, Larry Dossy, Jacob Israel Lieberman, Stephanie Schwartz, people that have done incredible work in this world and spoken to hundreds of thousands of people, Lisa Hopkins, just just this, you know, Sadina and George Capanelli, who are big television and film producers. As I spoke with these people, everyone was on board, the people get paid tens of 1000 of dollars to speak, and they all came for free. And the idea was everyone came 3 days ahead of time so we could have our own event first because that was one of the essential pieces to me is that most times people come and you hire presenters and they come and they get on stage and they talk for 45 minutes and they walk off. Nobody knows one another. There’s no bond made there. There’s there’s nothing but the gift they’re given to the audience. And what would happen if we did that first And so that’s what happened. And we caught it all on film. Not only did I do these amazing individual interviews where people are sharing these people that you never hear that. You know, you just hear what an incredible position they are. They’re an incredible thought leader in, you change maker in consciousness or you know, whatever it is, like Stephanie Schwartz, he was on Leonard Nymoy’s deep quest on the submarine and has literally done huge change in our world, regardless, bringing these people together and they’re sharing some of the deep pains of their life, and then how they overcame that. And so through these days of we ate together, we danced together, we made music together, we meditated together, We all formed this amazing group. There were 12 of us. And the second day, we all sat around a roundtable, And as you know, we called it lights of the round table.

David Hall [00:24:47]:

Yeah. I love that. That’s such a great title.

Stephanie James [00:24:49]:

It’s so fun. You know, and and so you get to be a fly on the wall and hear these conversations between these thought leaders who are just super, just regular ordinary, you know, also humble people. And so they’re, again, sharing, like, how do you take the long view? What is resiliency? You know, how do we get past these stumbling blocks? And what is love, not romantic love, but what really is love to you, and how do we enact social change, how can we be a part of the change? And so the 3rd day we brought it to a live audience of 150 people, and everyone did their presentation. And instead of leaving, after they spoke, they sat in the audience. They were a part of the experience, and it just it’s giving me the chills, actually, right now, just remembering it because it was just it was so special, and that’s what we’ve caught on film and really helping, hopefully, people to know again their healing matters. If you look at the film poster, it says right there, your period healing period matters. Period. It’s the only thing besides the title on the film.

David Hall [00:26:12]:

So there was definitely some honest and human conversations about their struggles that maybe they’re not sharing all the time. So you had this great idea to bring all these people together and did it go as planned, or was there things that you just learned that you didn’t expect?

Stephanie James [00:26:30]:

It was better than I could have ever imagined. Number 1. I mean, I was so blown away by people’s kindness. I was so blown away by Again, just the serendipity. I felt like I would meet with one person. Like, I spoke with Jacob Israel Liberman, and he’d been on the show three times. He and I had become really good friends. And I said, hey. I’m gonna go down to Santa Fe to visit, Lisa and Jeff, Lisa Hopkins, and her husband, Jeff, and And, he said, oh, well, you know, who lives there, Larry Dossy, and his wife, and, Georgia City and the Capinelli. So reach out to them, and I reached out to these people as perfect strangers, and Larry was like, yeah, let’s go walk for dinner and and Sadina and George were like, yeah. Let’s meet for breakfast. And that meeting with Sadina and George they said, hey. You know, they’ve been doing films for PBS for decades. And they said, hey. Let us connect you with our award winning film crew. And, I mean, things just came together. And so it it was more than I could have expected. I think one of the things I learned about myself, David, was that that is such a natural environment for me. Being you know, directing things being with the camera crew and really helping cultivate this and then the editing process, which happened during COVID, to be able to feel like I’ve I had never course, made a film. At the time, I think I had just written my first book. And what was so beautiful is, again, it really was it was like a divine download. At the end of those 3 days, I was given a black film box that had all the film contained in it. And then I was given a transcript And it was like, okay. Create the film. And it it was, yeah, it was an amazing process, and I just feel so blessed. I I have to give kudos to Doug Beachwood, my co producer who was with me every step of the way he had the editing board. He would put it on the screen, and I would just say, okay. Cut cut. You know, we would just watch these four strips of film streaming. And spent so many hours. So so many kudos to him. What an amazing creator, what an amazing film director he is.

David Hall [00:28:57]:

So what do you hope that people walk away from watching your film?

Stephanie James [00:29:02]:

I hope that they come away. Again, I mean, that the big message about your healing matters and that no matter where you are in your life, no matter what the circumstances are, we really do have the ability to heal. We have the ability to change, and it’s essential. I hope people walk away knowing your healing is essential. What you contribute to this world is essential, and each person matters. Nobody’s exempt, you know, and so I think more than ever, we really need to be focused on our similarities. We need to be focused on how we can communicate and connect. And we really need to focus on how do I continue healing. It’s a it’s a lifelong process. You know, we never arrive. And so I think of it as, let’s let’s each one of us clear out the cobwebs that show up, you know, in in this conduit up, that’s our lives. So that we can truly heal, help ourselves, and and help others. And truly, I think that’s that’s the ticket.

David Hall [00:30:06]:

Yeah. Let’s talk about that. So often, I think people think there is a point that you arrive and you’re done. And, you know, and I heard you say that. And I was thinking about that this morning. It’s like I feel like I have a message, you know, and I I really started sharing this message about 10 years ago. But it just continues to evolve. And part of it is having great guests on like yourself, where we have these great conversations and it just continues to, you know, improve on my thinking and how we can make things better. But, you know, there’s there’s so often people think, oh, well, you know, you’re done, your message, but it’s it’s never gonna be done. Right?

Stephanie James [00:30:44]:

Yeah. Yeah. No no way. I think for all of us, We’re gonna continue to evolve. We’re gonna continue to grow. You know, we’re not any different than nature. You know, we we literally we are part of nature. So we’re gonna continue to grow. And just like nature, I always think about this when a tree loses a limb, there’s, you know, this this it’s it’s like a salve or something, you know, that comes over that wound to help it heal. So that the tree doesn’t die from losing a limb, and the same is true for us. When we when we get cut, we don’t have to focus on that cut and say, heal, heal, people. Yeah. There there there’s there’s some, you know, divine, essence within us that is helping us to heal. So we’re we’re always moving towards healing. Our whole lives, we’re always moving towards growing. And like you, David, when when we have a path and we wanna share that with the world, it it might come in some different forms as we evolve. There might be little, you know, different messages Right now, I’m getting ready in February. I’m doing a women’s retreat in Saliolita, Mexico, and it’s igniting your sparks and it’s focusing so much on fun and friendship and really that deeper purpose, if you will, that deeper way that we can befriend ourselves, And it’s got other things that I hadn’t put in other retreats. It’s got yoga. It’s got movements. We’re doing this really cool sound healing on the beach at sunset. You know, I mean, there there’s gonna be some really cool catal ceremony, which I’ve never done. Beautiful parts of that. So you know, I’m always growing. I always wanna keep expanding, like, what am I offering people? What is it that right now, I’m hearing feedback about, like, wow, this is really helping people heal or Rowe, and I literally just got done listening to Ethan Cross’s book, chatter. And I I could not tell you. I could not write enough notes. You know, it it’s like, oh my gosh. Wonderful. Now this helps me. I now I have these tools in my toolbox to share.

David Hall [00:32:58]:

What’s that book about? What’s the main message of it?

Stephanie James [00:33:01]:

Well, I love it. It it really gives us some essentials of how to quiet like I was talking about earlier, you know, that that negative chatter that we can all have, and we all do have. Nobody also is exempt from this negative chatter. It’s when we say, oh, why did I say that, or why did I do that, or the inner chatter of not being good enough? And I can tell you, David, I have worked from with CEOs and brain surgeons all the way to, you know, railroad workers and people that came in and I saw for free because they didn’t have money. No matter who they were, what walk of life they came from, everyone’s internal message at some point is around this not being good enough. And so that book is addressing that inner chatter that tells us that and gives specific researched tools of how to stop the chatter. And and, literally, it’s really it’s applicable. There’s inside things we can do. Like, speaking to yourself and third person, you know, like, you would say, David, you don’t have to be different than who you are. You already got this. You’re fine. You’re good. And you you know what? You’re more than good. You know, as a way of helping that inner voice quiet down when it acts up, or it was talking about outside things you can do. We know when we go outside and connect to nature, we feel better something happens in our brain. We go into a different brain wave state, and nature literally takes from us negative ions. So when we have that experience, even walking around the block, the inner chatter’s gonna quiet down. So it’s just it’s beautiful, brilliant. I can’t say enough about it chock full of tools. It’s great for anyone.

David Hall [00:34:46]:

Yeah. And that’s just as we were talking about, we never stopped growing. You probably already had some amazing tools to help people with that type of thing, but you’re just expanding your tools, you know, with this other author. And that’s awesome. I think, introverts have even a bigger problem with it because we live in our heads And I think that chatter can be more, you know, if we could talk about that some other time, but I I think it it can be worse. So we do need to come up us some tools to give ourselves good messages and, you know, overcome any limiting beliefs that we have.

Stephanie James [00:35:20]:

Absolutely. And and I would dovetail on on that and say to your listeners, you know, it’s important that you find out what are your limiting beliefs? Because it might just be unconscious things that are kind of rattling around your noggin that you’re not even aware of. You’ve become, you know, we’re such habitual thinkers. I was hearing Joe dispenza yesterday saying, you know, we think 90% of the same thoughts we thought the day before, unless we’re active at wanting to change them. So I I would say becoming aware of what your limiting beliefs are and then being very clear about what you want them to be instead. And so you can interrupt those habitual thoughts so much easier once you’re aware of them. And people can kind of poop who offer affirmations, you know, and say, oh, you know, affirmations. And they’re important because you have thought that negative thought so many hundreds of thousands of times that it’s become, literally, there’s there’s a cross that builds up over that neuro pathway called the myelin sheath. And so it makes those thoughts. That’s what makes them instantaneous. The thing that’s beautiful is that we can start breaking up that crust just by catching it. When we catch that it’s happened and we’re conscious of it, the power of the present moment is that we can change the channel.

David Hall [00:36:40]:

Yeah. And even when you’re saying that, I kinda had a new thought. It’s like, well, Yeah. You need positive affirmations because the ones that you’re already giving yourself are you’re already giving yourself affirmations. They’re just negative. Right?

Stephanie James [00:36:51]:

That’s exactly it.

David Hall [00:36:53]:

You just need to change it.

Stephanie James [00:36:55]:

Yeah. Yeah. And we have more power than we realize if we’re willing to do the work. 21 to 30 days of being conscious about the thoughts you want to change, writing those down, those affirmations in positive, present, tense, language, and then saying those out loud, feeling them, like, having a hand on your heart as you’re saying them. And then really doing, like, a gratitude statement at the end and then marinating on that for, like, 30 seconds so that you’re really your your head’s taking it in. I think then that is gonna help you. We already know scientifically it shows. You can make changes. In 21 to 30 days, you start cultivating new habits. You know, and and that’s that’s one of the important things to remind people is that negative experiences and negative thoughts are like Velcro in the brain. They just stick because those are the things our brain goes, oh, I better remember that horrible insult. So I can survive You know, our brain is built to survive, not necessarily thrives, but we can turn on these thriving centers in our brain. And I say because positive experiences are, like, 2 fried eggs on a teflon pan. They just slide right off there.

David Hall [00:38:06]:

Right. Yeah.

Stephanie James [00:38:07]:

Yeah. If we wanna give them some stickability, is what I call it. If we wanna give them some stickability, that means that we have to do the repetition in the other direction. We’ve gotta give him some state power so our brain goes, oh, that is important. Okay. I’m gonna file that away. Great idea.

David Hall [00:38:27]:

It is so crazy how we just really focus on if we get some feedback, the negative And even if it’s, you know, we get 9 positive things and one negative thing, that’s that’s where our focus goes. That’s It’s so crazy how we’re wired that way.

Stephanie James [00:38:44]:

Yeah. Yeah. So you can be your own best friend. You can truly be, not just like people go, oh, just love yourself, your own best friend. It’s not that easy, you know, after 3 decades in the personal development and mental health field. I know. You know, it it it takes effort, and it’s the best game in town. It’s the best thing you can do for yourself, and you will start seen those improvements. Some people come back to my office and just a little tweak. I’ve had couples come back to my office, and all they changed in a week. After coming in total turmoil, what they changed was saying three things that they appreciated about each other before they went to sleep. And coming back that next week. And I’m like, who are these people?

David Hall [00:39:31]:


Stephanie James [00:39:32]:

You know, they they developed this new habit. And I think they’re the shortest people I ever had in couples therapy. I mean, they were in and out in 3 months and really made the changes.

David Hall [00:39:42]:

Yeah. That’s amazing.

Stephanie James [00:39:44]:


David Hall [00:39:44]:

Alright, Stephanie. We have to talk about your latest book becoming fierce. I like the title. Sounds kinda like quite and strong.

Stephanie James [00:39:51]:

Yeah. Tell us what

David Hall [00:39:52]:

fierce fierce means and maybe what it doesn’t mean.

Stephanie James [00:39:55]:

Yeah. Thank you. Because people hear fierce and they think, oh, you know, aggressive, assertive, I’m fierce. And to me, truly fierce is if you look up the definition, part of it is fiery, you know, and it’s that fiery, passionate, purpose, filled energy, that we all have inside of us. And it is being more authentically, you know, becoming as authentic as you can. So that you are living your life in full expression of you. If your audience looks up the the cover, you know, it’s it’s got this lotus flower, and it’s it’s really beautifully decorated and has these flames behind it. You know, so it’s it’s beauty and fierce. It’s this beautiful part of us. And I think when we’re in touch with that, again, though, those are the these are the things that change our lives and change others’ lives. And so, yeah, that’s that’s what that becoming fierce is about.

David Hall [00:40:58]:

Alright. And how’d you come up with that?

Stephanie James [00:41:00]:

Well, interestingly, when I was being interviewed, Karen Curry Parker, has a podcast. And I think it’s called quantum. I used to think it was quantum conversations, but I think it’s quantum revolution. I’m I don’t quote me on this. Look up Karen Curry Parker. She is amazing in the in the area of human design. But she had me on her podcast talking about my first book, the Spark, and at the end of the interview towards the end, she says, so what’s next for you, Stephanie? And I said, well, you know, I I think I must have a new book coming through. Because I’ll be stopped at the stoplight, and I’m writing down little ideas on scraps of paper or, you know, little little ideas coming through. Well, we get done with the interview. And she says, okay, Stephanie. I need to let you know. My business partner and I own a publishing house and we’d like to publish your next book. I mean, that’s how it happened. And so the next day, I had she set up a meeting for me with Michelle VandePass who is her business partner. And as I’m having this conversation with her, Michelle says, my god, Stephanie, you know, I’m telling her my story and and what I wanna write about. She says, Hi, god, Stephanie. You’re fierce. You are fierce. And I’m like, oh my god. That’s it. The book is becoming fierce. And I woke up that morning in the middle of the night, it was 115, and wrote the outline. I mean, it just came through. And I was like, oh my gosh, this is it.

David Hall [00:42:35]:

Yeah. It’s amazing when things happen like that. Yeah. What did she mean by that you were fierce?

Stephanie James [00:42:41]:

I think because And I talk about it in the book. Like, my parents would always say, you know, you’re the unsinkable Molly Brown. For those of you who know the reference, it’s to the Molly Brown and the Titanic who survived the panic. And I think I’ve had some very difficult, challenging things that happened in my life. I mean, the childhood thing, yeah, that was very tough and, obviously took a long time for me to overcome it as I was growing. But even in our adult life, you know, we have challenges. We have things that happen. You know, people in in that I knew in my very intimate circle having suicide attempts, you know, things that really rocked my world through my life, and yet it’s that ability to keep saying, okay, even after I go through grief, even after I go through this challenge, even after I’m brought to my knees at times. I I talk in the film about my daughter’s 10 year struggle with drug addiction, alcohol and drug addiction, and things that truly brought me to my knees in life. And I talk about in this becoming fierce, you know, the power of surrender. And and what a what a duality And the chapters called the duality of surrender because people think, oh, it’s waving the white flag or it’s being a coward and giving up, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s really standing in the the the reality that you can’t solve it all. You can’t do it all. And when I try to push my will, it doesn’t work. So surrender is really an act of courage to say, okay, something more divine than me, something that has a higher mind than me. I’m surrendering this to you. You work through me. And, wow, that’s when the miracles happen.

David Hall [00:44:27]:

Is there anything else you want people to know about your book, about becoming fierce?

Stephanie James [00:44:31]:

Yeah. It’s not just about me for sure. I mean, it’s it’s just it’s very much formatted like my first book. It has more personal stories than the first one for sure, and it’s got lots of research at the end of every chapter, their exercises, and take a moment that help integrate whatever you’ve learned in that chapter into your own life so that you’re doing some of the written practices or you’re doing, you know, meditation or doing whatever it is that helps really bring this to life for you. And I’ve got experts, people that I’ve interviewed over the last. I’m going into my 60 year now, phenomenal minds against these brilliant minds and serving hearts that are in our world. And then other people that I’ve met, you know, there there’s a chapter in fierce, loving fiercely where, you know, this woman whose husband got deported and for the last 15 years has kept that love alive. He’s not able to move back. He’s in El Salvador. He cannot move back to the states. What that kind of unconditional fierce love is about. There’s things in the book about, how we it it’s, you know, clearing up your relationship with power, how we play small, and how we can have certain ideas about what power is and then how to bring ourselves a sense of true empowerment. And I think towards the end too, David, one of the things that was important for me is talking about healing the gap between us with all the division, with all the conflict that we’ve been seeing in our world, how important it is to really know some of the tools of how do we get on the same side with someone? It doesn’t mean we agree with them. But how do we, I always say take this 18 inch journey from our head down into our heart so that we can have open hearted conversations with others where the goal is connection and understanding, not about who’s right.

David Hall [00:46:32]:

So, Stephanie, this has been a great conversation. Is there anything else that we didn’t talk about that you want to today.

Stephanie James [00:46:38]:

Gosh. Not that I can think of, David. I just I love talking to you. You’re you’re just so fun to to interview and to be interviewed by, just really appreciate you having me on on your show. This has been great.

David Hall [00:46:51]:

Alright. Well, of course, where can people find out more about you and your film and your books and your podcast?

Stephanie James [00:46:58]:

Yeah. So if they go right now to stephaniejames.world, stephaniejames.world, they I have a free gift for everyone, and they can just plop in their name and email, and they will get 3 ways to start your morning off right, really these beautiful priming priming techniques so that you’re coming into your day and the best heart mind spirit possible. And, if you if someone’s interested in the event, I have to look up. The link is not in my, It’s not in my, on my website, but you can go to stephaniedashjames dotmykajabi.com, k a j a b I, Stephanie dash james.mykajabi dotcom.

David Hall [00:48:00]:

Awesome. I will put all of that in the show notes. And, of course, you can check out the podcast where I was on Stephanie’s show. That was a great conversation too. Thanks again, Stephanie. It’s been a great time. I appreciate you.

Stephanie James [00:48:13]:

Thank you, David. I appreciate you too.

David Hall [00:48:17]:

Thank you so much for joining me. I look forward to further connecting with you. Reach out at david@clientstrong.com. Or check out the quiet and strong dot com website, which includes blog posts, links to social media, and other items. Send me topics or guests you would like to see on the show. If you’re interested in getting to know yourself better, there’s now a free type finder personality assessment on the Quiet and Strong website. This free assessment will give you a brief report, including the 4 letter Myers Briggs code. I’ll add a link to the show notes. There’s so many great things about being an introvert, so we need those to be understood. Get to know your introverted strengths and needs and be strong.

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