Are you an introvert or an extrovert? And why does that matter?
As Aristotle said, “knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” And that’s the goal, coming to a self-awareness of your own natural strengths, gifts, abilities, and also your needs.
There is about a 50-50 split between introversion and extroversion in the population. However, introversion is often misunderstood. I have learned to embrace introversion and all of the gifts that come with it. And I have learned that the needs of introverts and extroverts can be quite different.
And as you come to know your strengths and needs you can apply these in many areas, for example, relationships, communication, leadership, and just your overall success and happiness. And something I’ve learned is if I want to get better at any of these areas it can be very helpful to look towards those that are similar to me in personality. I can learn a lot from an introvert on relationships or communication or leadership and see some of their best practices, rather than trying to learn from an extrovert who might have different strengths and needs than I have.
As I was learning about my own introversion I was extremely busy, so I was also studying time management. I realized that there wasn’t much written that was directed specifically towards time management for the introvert. But yet there were very specific needs that the introvert would have. And so I decided to make this my first book – Minding Your Time, Time Management, Productivity, and Success, Especially for the Introvert.
It was definitely a long journey in discovering who I was and what I needed. Since that time, I got a degree in Psychology, a Master’s in Counseling, I’ve read many books, I’ve attended several workshops, and I’ve watched countless videos. Most of all I’ve done lots of reflection which introverts are very good at. And I’ve come to the conclusion that I definitely am an introvert.
There are so many great resources that you can get to know yourself better. One thing I do recommend is taking the Myers-Briggs type indicator or MBTI for short. It’s a personality inventory and it’ll tell you more about your introversion/extroversion and some other important personality factors. Beyond doing that I’ve also come up with six different areas that you can consider and reflect on. As you look at the two different choices below think about which choice you gravitate more towards.
Introverts naturally spend more time in their inner world of ideas.
Extroverts naturally spend more time focused on the outer world around them.
That’s one of the big keys. Of course, we all think, we all focus on what’s around us. The time we spend and our preferences can be quite different. I had a major epiphany around this. I was talking with the neighbor and we started talking about work. He asked where I worked. I told him and he let me know that his company was right across the street from mine. When he told me the name of this company I was not familiar with it. And the funny thing was I had been driving by his work for years. It’s a pretty big place, with lots of signs, but I realized that while I was driving, I was deep in thought. And that’s a process that occurs very naturally for me, and it’s not going to change. It’s not a bad thing to be deep in thought as I have lots of great ideas during that time, but at the same time I was in my head and I didn’t even notice the name of his company. This was a good example of a way that I am naturally introverted.
Introverts think and then speak.
Extroverts speak to think.
Another difference is introverts think and then speak and extroverts speak to think. I was in a Myers-Briggs training several years ago and the facilitator said this. This explained a lot about me and my personality. You ask me a question, the wheels in my mind will start turning. I’ll usually put some ideas together and after a time… maybe a second, maybe a few seconds, or I’ll say give me a minute to think about that, or maybe I’ll say give me a day to think about that. The answer will come out after a moment or maybe longer. Extroverts speak in order to think and so if that’s not understood think about the communication challenges that we can have. One person thinks and speaks and the other person is speaking to think. If everyone understood this a lot of communication problems could be solved.
Introverts may prefer to communicate in writing rather than speaking.
Extroverts may prefer to communicate by speaking rather than writing.
Introverts may prefer to communicate in writing rather than speaking. Of course, extroverts may prefer to communicate by speaking rather than writing. Maybe the introvert wants to take some time to compose that good email and think it through. Think about how you gather information. When you have a question are you likely to email the company or to do some web research and then finally to call them once you get frustrated? Or maybe the extrovert is going to pick up the phone right away.
Introverts may be drained by social interaction, but energized by time alone.
Extroverts may be energized by social interaction, but may feel restless when experiencing excessive isolation.
So the energy discussion is an important one. Sometimes I hear that introverts are drained by people and I think that’s true but I think it’s a little oversimplified. I would rather say as an introvert I may be drained by certain people and situations. And of course, I am energized by taking some time alone. Extroverts may be energized by social interaction or may feel restless with excessive isolation. We’re in 2020 now and we’re not going to very many places. I live with a couple of extroverts and they really are missing their friends right now and I can see the restlessness firsthand.
Introverts prefer deep conversations over small talk.
Extroverts in general enjoy most types of conversation.
Introverts prefer deep conversations to small talk. So as introverts are drawn into their world of ideas, maybe thinking about the mysteries of the universe or how to solve the world’s problems, the weather might not be that interesting sometimes. However, I have learned that I can do small talk when I need to and I want to, and sometimes it can actually be fun. Ultimately it’s probably needed to get to those conversations that I really want to have. At the same time, I don’t put too much pressure on myself. I honestly will avoid some small talk. Extroverts on the other hand enjoy most types of conversation.
Introverts usually prefer a close circle of friends.
Extroverts enjoy having many friends and acquaintances.
Introverts usually prefer a close circle of friends. They want that friend or two that they really share everything with and they’re telling everything to, whereas extroverts may have many friends and acquaintances. Maybe think about your own children (or siblings that you know). Maybe you have an introverted child and an extroverted child, and your introverted child has the best friend they do everything with and your extroverted child has 50 best friends and you may not be able to keep track of all of their friends.
Did you lean more toward the introvert side or the extrovert side? Please keep in mind that we are all unique and no person is exactly the same as another. And as we’re doing this journey of self-discovery it’s really important not to get hung up on the labels. So many times after I’ve given a presentation or someone’s read my book we have this conversation they say “I’m not sure if I’m an introvert or an extrovert, maybe I’m in the middle.” And it seems as we are talking that the goal is to decide on the label, but it’s not to take that deeper dive and find out what that means. Again, the goal is to find out what your strengths are and what your needs are – not just to choose a label. Whether you are an introvert or extrovert, or somewhere in the middle (the term ambivert is often used for those closer to the middle), it’s important to understand what that means for YOU. Everyone is somewhere on the scale of introversion or extroversion, so if the label is all you know. it’s really not that helpful. You really need to take the time to figure out what works best for you. This little exercise is just the beginning, so I encourage you to continue your journey of self-discovery. My website quietandstrong.com has many additional introversion related blog posts. You may also reach out to me at [email protected].
I want to be clear that neither introversion nor extroversion is good or bad. The idea is that we have natural gifts that come to us. One isn’t better than the other. We’re not “fixing” introversion, but on the other hand, we’re not trying to fix extroversion either. It’s really about understanding ourselves and those around us – what makes us unique and how we can help one another find success.
The other thing is there’s often a misunderstanding that introversion is shyness. And that’s not the case. An introvert can be shy, sure. But an extrovert can be shy as well. It really is a matter of a lack of confidence. And the good news is you can gain confidence whether you are a shy introvert or a shy extrovert. You can gain confidence and overcome shyness. I know I was definitely shy when I was younger. I’ve overcome that, but I’m still introverted and I’m very proud of that. That’s not going to change for me, nor should it. Also, introversion doesn’t mean that you’re not social. You may have some different social needs, but you have social needs nonetheless. For example, a friend of mine who is an extrovert may walk into a room of 50 strangers and want to meet all of them all at once. Not good or bad, but when I walk into a room of 50 strangers I want to have a couple of good conversations. Again, it’s not right or wrong, but It just looks different for introverts and extroverts.
There are so many different gifts we each have. Hopefully, you are employing your unique gifts in your work and in your life. Because where the most happiness comes is when we are using our natural gifts most of the time.
David Hall, M.Ed. is a speaker, author, and host of the Quiet and Strong Podcast, where he interviews thought leaders, creatives, and professionals who help introverts thrive. With over 25 years in higher education, David has led workshops, trainings, and presentations on productivity, personality, and introversion. His mission is to help introverts honor their needs, understand their strengths, and succeed on their own terms. He is the author of Minding Your Time: Time Management, Productivity, and Success, Especially for Introverts and a passionate advocate for creating work environments where introverts can do their best work.
