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What are introversion and extroversion?  Can introversion be inherited? Does introversion mean shyness? Can introverts and extroverts have successful relationships?

Join us as David Hall, the creator of QuietandStrong.com discusses ten common questions searched on the internet about introversion. He’ll also share his favorite books on introversion success, and a bonus surprise announcement.

Embrace YOUR Introversion, and Be Strong!

Books mentioned in this episode:

1. 
Introvert Power” by Dr. Laurie Helgoe
2. 
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, by Susan Cain
3. 
Networking For People Who Hate Networking, by Devora Zack
4. 
The Introvert’s Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World, Sophia Dembling
5. The Introvert Advantage, by Marti Olsen Laney

David’s book:
Minding Your Time: Time Management, Productivity, and Success, Especially for Introverts


Contact the host of the Quiet and Strong Podcast:

David Hall
Author, Speaker, Educator, Podcaster
quietandstrong.com
Gobio.link/quietandstrong
david@quietandstrong.com

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Podcast Transcript

Hello, and welcome to the Quiet and Strong Podcast, especially for introverts.  I am your host, David Hall and creator of quietandstrong.com.  This is a weekly podcast dedicated to understanding the strengths and needs of introverts. Introversion is not something to fix, but to be embraced. Normally we will air each episode on Monday mornings.  Be sure to subscribe on your favorite platform, leave a review, tell a friend, help get the word out there.

I hear from many people that feel broken or that something is wrong with them.  That is why I do this podcast, not only are you NOT broken but you are amazing. I too used to feel like introversion was a weakness, but what I learned that Introversion was never my weakness, but rather not understanding my introversion was my weakness. If you are feeling broken or something is wrong with you, there is hope.  You are in the right place.  I share along with my guests the strengths and needs of introverts along with some strategies for success.  The key is to get to know your introverted strengths and needs and BE STRONG!

I was checking out internet searches to see what questions people were asking about introversion.  So many questions.  Some great questions and some struck me as a bit funny.  Let’s look at few of these questions.  Before we do that, just remember that our personalities come to us quite naturally and the key is not to change them, but get to know ourselves and embrace those great gifts that we each have. We absolutely can change and become better, but we will have the most success when we work with our natural gifts and strengths.

  1. What is introversion and extroversion?

Introverts naturally spend more time in their inner world of ideas. Extroverts naturally spend more time focused on the outer world around them. That’s one of the big keys. Of course we all think, we all focus on what’s around us. The time we spend and our preferences are different. 

Another difference is that introverts think and then speak and extroverts speak to think. If you ask me a question, the wheels in my mind will start turning I’ll probably put some ideas together and after a time maybe a second, maybe a few seconds, maybe I’ll say give me a minute to think about that, maybe I’ll say give me a day to think about that. The answer will come out after a moment or longer. Extroverts speak in order to think and so if that’s not understood think about the communication challenges that we can have. One person thinks and speaks and the other person is speaking to think. If everyone understood this a lot of communication problems could be solved.

Introverts may prefer to communicate in writing rather than speaking. Of course, extroverts may prefer to communicate by speaking rather than writing. Maybe the introvert wants to take some time to compose that good email and think it through. Think about how you gather information.  When you have a question are you likely to email someone or to do some web research and then finally to call him once you get frustrated? Or maybe the extrovert is going to pick up the phone right away.

So the energy discussion is an important one. Sometimes I hear that introverts are drained by people and I think that’s true but I think it’s a little over simplified. I would rather say as an introvert I may be drained by certain people and situations. Sometimes I can be quite energized by some conversations and of course I am energized by taking some time alone.  Extroverts may be energized by social interaction or may feel restless with excessive isolation. 

Introverts prefer deep conversations to small talk. So as introverts are drawn into their world of ideas maybe thinking about the mysteries of the universe or how to solve the world’s problems, the weather might not be that interesting sometimes. However, I have learned that I can do small talk when I need you and I want to, sometimes it’s kind of fun. Ultimately it’s probably needed to get to those conversations that I really want to have. At the same time I don’t put too much pressure on myself I honestly will avoid some small talk sometimes. Extroverts on the other hand enjoy most types of conversation.

Introverts usually prefer a close circle of friends they want that friend or two that they really share everything with and they’re telling everything to, whereas extroverts may have many friends and acquaintances.

Next Question

  1. How do you fight introversion?

Nothing to fight, but rather embrace. You can get what you want out of life by understanding yourself and discovering who you are.

  1. Can introversion be inherited?

Inherit may not be the best word I would use. It’s not like getting blue eyes.

This reminds me of the nature versus nurture argument.

  • Nature refers to what we inherit from our genes and the factors that influence who we are – our personality characteristics and our physical appearance.
  • Nurture refers to all the environmental factors that impact who we are, such as how we were raised,our culture, and social relationships.

So introversion is a very natural way of being.  Nurture can play a big role in how well adjusted or not.  We can have some misunderstandings about our introversion if our culture is only looking at how extroverts operate for example. 

  1. Can introversion cause fatigue?

Yes. The concept of an introvert’s need for recharge is well known. But with so many different types of introverts, the need for recharge is not the same for everyone. The important thing is to know yourself and what you need. Once you know what it is you need, you can build it into your weekly plan. Again, I am not an introvert because I need to recharge. I need to recharge BECAUSE I’m an introvert. Being a deep thinker is what is at the heart of my introversion. I turn inward to thought more often than not. This is how I naturally process the world around me – internally rather than externally. So, when I’m spending more time focused externally, this tends to drain my energy. 

It is also important to note that some introverts may be more in tune with their feelings and the feelings of others. This type of introvert might experience a drain caused by the overwhelming sense of the feelings of others. The important idea here is that you need to understand what causes your energy to drain, and then build in time for recharge as needed to stay on top of your game. 

  1. How to learn introversion?

I have heard conversations lately that introversion is becoming more popular, that there is actually “introvert envy.” This is silly, you naturally come by introversion or extroversion.  You don’t learn to be an introvert if you are an extrovert.  You can learn how to use your extroverted gifts to be happy and successful.  Maybe someone is looking at something that comes more naturally to introverts, for example deep reflection.  If you are an extrovert, look at how you can make some time for this deep work.  But this doesn’t make you an introvert.

  1. How popular is introversion?

This is a little funny to me.  It is not a popularity contest.  You don’t say I think I want to be an introvert now because that is cool right now.  It is like being right or left handed, you don’t choose it.

  1. How bad is introversion?

Not bad at all! It is only bad when you don’t understand it.  It can be a beautiful thing when you do.

  1. Does introversion mean shyness?

No, introversion is not shyness.  An introvert or extrovert can be shy, as it is a lack of confidence.  The good news is that shyness can be overcome and confidence gained with some self awareness. Confidence (or self-confidence) comes when you believe that you have great value, much to offer, and are worthwhile in your uniqueness.  You can gain confidence in your worth and uniqueness and the gifts you have to offer the world.  Sometimes introverts may lack confidence as they are turned inward more often than outward.  Often introverts need to think before speaking and sometimes are not given the time. Knowing, accepting, and understanding this can make a huge difference. Being in unfamiliar situations can cause a lack of confidence as well. It has become easy to research events like conferences ahead of time, so we can be more at ease approaching the event. We all have individual strengths and needs.  Confidence comes in knowing what our own strengths are and not comparing ourselves to extroverts.  I have gained much confidence in myself through gaining self-awareness and understanding my strengths and needs.

  1. Do introvert and introvert relationships work?

Of course.  There are many types of relationships and introvert/introvert introvert/extrovert or extrovert/extrovert can all work.  It really just comes down to knowing the other person and what they need and valuing them and not trying to change them.  For me, I am married to an introvert and we are very happy together.  We understand each other.  It can help knowing that sometimes one person may need some space sometimes and need company sometimes.  I have also known some very happy introvert/extrovert relationships.  Again it is crucial to know and respect each other.  In any relationship there may need to be give and take.  One partner might want to go out every night and the other partner may want to stay in more often.  Somehow you need to come to a place where you are both happy.  Of course there is much more to us than introversion and extroversion.  There are many things you may find attractive in a person.

  1. What is a good book on introversion?

Again, if you are feeling lost in your introversion there is hope.  There are many great books out there. I am going to list my top 5 that I read before I started Quiet and Strong.  There are many other great books and I am trying to leave any one out.  I have had and will continue to have some amazing authors on this show. So here are my top 5. I will add links to the books in the show notes. These authors also at some point felt lost in introversion, but learned how to be successful and happy by understanding introversion and themselves and their strengths and also their needs.

Introvert Power” by Dr. Laurie Helgoe – I love the title, Introvert Power says it all.

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, by Susan Cain – My guests mention many books, but this great book is the most common mention of a book that helped people know they are not alone in their introversion.

Networking For People Who Hate Networking, by Devora Zack – Do what you do in your introverted way.  Network like an introvert.

The Introvert’s Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World, Sophia Dembling – honor what makes you unique.  There is nothing wrong with you.

 The Introvert Advantage, by Marti Olsen Laney – Introverts have advantages!  What are your strengths so you can not only survive, but thrive.

And of course this all helped me to write my first book

Minding Your Time: Time Management, Productivity, and Success, Especially for Introverts – when it comes to success as an introvert we need to approach it with our introvert strengths and needs in mind.  When it comes to strategies for success, as an introvert you can learn much from a successful fellow introvert.  Stay tuned for book number two.

These are just a few of the questions I found that people are searching.  So many more. The important questions to me are what are your strengths and what do you need? What do you want? What about those around you?

Thank you so much for joining me.  I look forward to further connecting with you.  Reach out, david@quietandstrong.com check out the  quietandstrong website. I will add social media channels to the show notes.

Send me topics or questions and we can address those on the show. So many great things about being an introvert and so we need those to be understood.  Get to know your introverted strengths and needs and be Strong!

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