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Are you a highly sensitive person (HSP)? Do you feel like you’re searching for your passion and purpose in life? Join guest Jules De Vitto as she discusses how to find your passion and purpose as an HSP. In this empowering episode, Jules provides tips and advice on how to connect with your inner compass and use your unique gifts to make a difference in the world. Listen now to learn how you can create a life that’s both meaningful and fulfilling.

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Jules De Vitto has a BSc in Psychology, MA in Education and MSc in Transpersonal Psychology, Consciousness and Spirituality. She is an accredited and certified Transpersonal Coach, Authentic-Self-Empowerment Facilitator, as well as an experienced educator. She works on the Alef Trust Faculty as part of the 1-year certificate in Transpersonal Coaching Psychology. She is the founder of the Highly Sensitive Human Academy – a central hub that offers courses, coaching, articles and a podcast for Highly Sensitive People. She helps those who identify with the traits of high sensitivity to navigate emotional overwhelm, step into their authentic power and align with their true purpose in life. Jules published the book, ‘Resilience: Navigating Loss in a Time of Crisis’ which provides practical resources to cultivate greater resilience and find greater meaning and purpose through times of crisis. She has also published her research in the peer-reviewed journal Consciousness, Spirituality & Transpersonal Psychology.

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academy.highlysensitivehumans.com

Books mentioned in this episode:

Elaine Aron – The Highly Sensitive Person

Contact the host of the Quiet and Strong Podcast:

David Hall
Author, Speaker, Educator, Podcaster
quietandstrong.com
Gobio.link/quietandstrong
david@quietandstrong.com

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Podcast Transcript

00;00;00;01 – 00;00;25;11
Jules De Vitto
In my coaching with highly sensitive people. From a transpersonal perspective, I’m really helping people to connect with what I understand as a sole purpose. So I believe that as sensitive people, we have a sole purpose, a reason for being, and it’s about finding that purpose. You know, our mission in life, what we’re here to do, what we’re how we’re here to help people and help ourselves.

00;00;26;17 – 00;00;48;03
Jules De Vitto
So, again, it is really moving away from this idea that we need to fix or change ourselves or that there’s something wrong with us. It’s more about we have a reason for being we have a purpose and we want to connect with that.

00;00;51;28 – 00;01;14;23
David Hall
Hello and welcome to the Quiet and Strong podcast, especially for introverts. I’m your host, David Hall, and the creator of Quiet and Strong com. This is a weekly podcast dedicated to understanding the strengths and needs of introverts. Introversion is not something to fix, but to be embraced normally will air each episode on a Monday. Be sure to subscribe on your favorite platform.

00;01;15;04 – 00;01;43;26
David Hall
Leave a review. Tell a friend. Help get the word out there. Cheers to Vito has a bachelor’s degree in psychology, a master’s in education and a master’s in transpersonal psychology. Consciousness and spirituality. She is an accredited and certified transpersonal coach, authentic self-empowerment facilitator as well as an experienced educator. She works on the Olive Trust faculty as part of a one-year certificate in transpersonal coaching psychology.

00;01;44;14 – 00;02;17;22
David Hall
She is the founder of the highly sensitive human Academy, a central hub that offers courses, coaching articles and a podcast for highly sensitive people. She helps those who identify with the traits of high sensitivity to navigate emotional overwhelm, step into their authentic power and align with their true purpose in life. She, Jules, published the book Resilience Navigating Loss at a Time of Crisis, which provides practical resources to cultivate greater resilience and find greater meaning and purpose through times of crisis.

00;02;18;05 – 00;02;30;17
David Hall
She also has published her research in the peer-reviewed journal Consciousness, Spirituality and Transpersonal Psychology. All right. Welcome to the Quiet and Strong podcast, Jules. So good to have you.

00;02;31;14 – 00;02;36;01
Jules De Vitto
Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. I’m really looking forward to this conversation.

00;02;36;18 – 00;02;50;09
David Hall
Yes, Jules is a coach for highly sensitive people. And we’re going to get into all the great work that she’s doing. But before we do that, Jules, let’s let’s hear about you. Let’s hear about how you discovered that you were an introvert and a highly sensitive person.

00;02;51;05 – 00;03;18;26
Jules De Vitto
Yeah. So in terms of being introverted, I have been introverted for as long as I can remember. I’ve always known that as my innate tendency. So, you know, at school I was very quiet. I was labeled as being very shy. I definitely yeah. I was more of a listener than a talker. And I would say that’s still the case today.

00;03;19;19 – 00;03;51;24
Jules De Vitto
So, yeah, introversion is something I’ve been familiar with my whole life. And then in terms of being highly sensitive, that was something I came across a bit later on. So it wasn’t until my mid-twenties when I actually heard about the term highly sensitive person, and I actually watched the documentary Cool Sensitive, which is based around the work of Dr. Alain Aron, and she is the lady who founded the term highly sensitive person.

00;03;52;15 – 00;04;17;12
Jules De Vitto
And so when I watched that documentary and then I went on to read the book, the highly sensitive person, I was just amazed because I related to all of the traits that they talk about in terms of being highly sensitive. And I realized a lot of those traits overlap with being introverted as well. So yeah, there’s a lot of overlap there.

00;04;17;12 – 00;04;48;23
Jules De Vitto
And to me it’s really yeah, being more reserved. I’m a deep thinker, so I love having deep conversations and thinking very deeply about topics in philosophy and psychology. I also yeah, I prefer 1 to 1 groups, not groups 1 to 1 interactions rather than groups as well. That’s my go to. And I also love alone time, so I just love spending time on my own and spending time in nature as well.

00;04;50;06 – 00;04;58;14
Jules De Vitto
So those are some of the things that I relate to in terms of being introverted and also yeah, sensitivity as well.

00;04;59;22 – 00;05;07;18
David Hall
Was being an introvert and being a highly sensitive person something that you always like embraced or did you have to learn to embrace those things?

00;05;08;08 – 00;05;43;10
Jules De Vitto
Yeah, really good question. I would say I had to learn to embrace the traits. I think especially when I was younger and when I was at school. So being introverted at school or in the education system isn’t really something which is always valued. I also interestingly worked as a teacher for a long time and I noticed that in a lot of the children I taught as well, and it can be really difficult to be introverted and being at school.

00;05;43;10 – 00;06;11;16
Jules De Vitto
Like I said, you’re labeled shy or you’re not really seen as being as intelligent as well sometimes because maybe you’re not the one to speak up first. So for a long time I did find that difficult because actually I have a lot to say about certain topics and there’s things that I love talking about. But sometimes, you know, in group settings I can find it difficult to find my voice.

00;06;12;06 – 00;06;33;28
Jules De Vitto
So that’s something that has taken me a long time to practice and cultivate in terms of speaking up. And the ironic thing is that that is one of the things I do the most now. So, you know, in terms of public speaking, I’ve got my own podcast and I do a lot of workshops related to being a highly sensitive person.

00;06;33;28 – 00;07;08;14
Jules De Vitto
So I use my voice a lot and I have to push myself to go out of my comfort zone. And that’s definitely something I’ve had to develop and cultivate over the years. And I would say now it’s something I really value being introverted and being sensitive. I can see what my gifts are, but I didn’t always know or value those gifts when I was younger.

00;07;08;22 – 00;07;30;29
Jules De Vitto
So when I was younger I wanted to try and fit into a certain mold or way of being. Maybe I wanted to adapt myself to try and fit in. But now I feel more the opposite that I want to encourage myself and other people to really, really step into what it means to be sensitive and also being introverted as well.

00;07;32;05 – 00;07;56;16
David Hall
Yeah, and that’s the thing. We need to we all have great gifts and we don’t need to fit in and hide those gifts or try to be something we’re not. I definitely have been there. The other thing is, you know, you were talking about how, you know, you your deep thinker, you know, we’re deep thinkers. And what that means is we do have a lot to say, right?

00;07;56;28 – 00;08;20;26
David Hall
Because we’re always thinking and deeply. But for many of us, we do have to learn to find our voice because it’s not always natural. And that’s part of this. Why I do what I do is really you know, we do have a lot to say. We have great gifts. But sometimes we have to learn how to share those gifts and find our voice.

00;08;20;26 – 00;08;24;17
David Hall
And so, yeah, I’m really excited to get into this conversation with you today.

00;08;25;14 – 00;08;28;13
Jules De Vitto
Yeah, absolutely. I agree with that.

00;08;29;29 – 00;08;46;26
David Hall
So let’s talk about you know, maybe people aren’t aware of what it means to be a highly sensitive person. It’s often referred to also as HSP. Tell us about that and also just talk about how it overlaps. You know, you can be a highly sensitive introvert or a highly sensitive extrovert.

00;08;47;17 – 00;09;19;03
Jules De Vitto
Right? Yeah. Yeah. It’s really interesting. So like I said, Dr. Elaine Aron is the lady who first coined the term highly sensitive person. It was in the mid-nineties that she started doing the research and so she found around 20 to 30% of the population are highly sensitive and it’s found equally in men and women and the majority of highly sensitive people are introverted.

00;09;19;03 – 00;09;53;17
Jules De Vitto
But there are 30% of highly sensitive people who are extroverted. And for me that relates to something called high sensation seeking, which is another label, another, another term. So those are people who are more impulsive or like novelty or seek out new and novel experiences. They like a lot of change and a lot of stimulation. So I identify as being highly sensitive and introverted as well.

00;09;54;03 – 00;10;24;24
Jules De Vitto
And some of the common traits are things that we’ve already touched upon, but just being more of a deep thinker. So yeah, we have a depth of processing. We do tend to get overstimulated by the world around us so we can get over overstimulated and really busy and noisy environments. So we often need more time alone or more time to recover from those quite overwhelming experiences.

00;10;26;05 – 00;11;00;02
Jules De Vitto
And we have high levels of empathy as well. So we’re very empathetic and we notice really subtle things in our internal landscape and the external world as well. So that could manifest as when we’re talking to someone we notice really subtle cues in their facial expressions. So that relates to the empathy as well. So that can be both a gift and sometimes a challenge as well, depending on the circumstance.

00;11;01;29 – 00;11;36;05
Jules De Vitto
So yeah, those are the main traits really in terms of what it means to be highly sensitive. I also found in working with a lot of sense to people that we just we just have a tendency to need more time for processing and we need to have space in between activities to really process what has happened. And that relates to the deep processing and deep thinking.

00;11;36;05 – 00;11;43;03
Jules De Vitto
Yeah. So hopefully that answers some of the question. I could keep on talking about it for a long time. Yeah.

00;11;43;26 – 00;12;06;26
David Hall
So I mean, either an introvert or extrovert could be highly sensitive, but all introverts are not highly sensitive. And when we’re talking about these things, I think that you and I are on the same page. It’s it’s helpful to talk about these labels, but you have to it’s not where we end. It’s just really help us understand our needs like you were just talking about.

00;12;06;26 – 00;12;25;16
David Hall
You know, we need some time. We need some space to process or to recharge, but it has to go long past the awareness phase where we really understand what our gifts are and what our needs are. We can learn from each other, but we all have our unique gifts and strengths. Right?

00;12;26;09 – 00;13;01;07
Jules De Vitto
Right. Absolutely. And just to add to that, because I do feel quite strongly and passionately about this, that all of these labels being highly sensitive or being a high sensation seeker that I mentioned earlier, being introverted or extrovert, and I prefer to see them as frameworks. So I think it’s really important to know about these labels and use them as a framework because they help us understand how we experience the world and how we interact with the world and people as well.

00;13;01;29 – 00;13;32;00
Jules De Vitto
But I think it’s important to not get stuck or attached to the label because it can sometimes become limiting. We end up becoming victims to that label in a way. So as an example, sensitivity, unfortunately, is sometimes seen as a weakness or seen as, you know, there’s something wrong with you. And so people can get stuck to that label of, Oh, I’m weak, vulnerable, or there’s something wrong with me.

00;13;32;18 – 00;13;46;03
Jules De Vitto
And I, you know, the work I do is really about moving past that and not seeing it as a weakness or a flaw, but seeing it as the strength and the gift that it contains.

00;13;46;03 – 00;14;12;03
David Hall
Yeah, absolutely. I like that. It’s a framework. And for me, figuring out that I was an introvert, what gifts and strengths come from it, but also what I needed. It didn’t limit me in any way. It really set me free. It’s like it helped me understand who I was and what I have to offer. So what are some strengths of being a highly sensitive person?

00;14;12;03 – 00;14;44;03
Jules De Vitto
Yeah. And just to add to what you said, I agree that it can really set us free when we also when we have the right resources and tools and environmental conditions, right to to really thrive. So that’s something they say in terms of being a highly sensitive person, that, yeah, yeah, the research says that we actually thrive more than the average person when we’re in nourishing and healthy environments.

00;14;44;19 – 00;15;45;26
Jules De Vitto
And I find that really, really fascinating. So yeah, some of our strengths related to that are the fact that, yeah, we do really thrive, especially after we’ve been through difficult situations or circumstances. So yes, we can experience the now or we can be more impacted by traumatic experiences, but because of this, what’s known as vantage sensitivity, our ability to flourish in the right environment, we actually can do better than the average person in terms of our success and our ability to succeed in life.

00;15;45;26 – 00;16;19;09
David Hall
Yeah, and you mentioned how sensitive people do well and in the in the right nurturing environment. And, you know, maybe somebody is listening and they’re not highly sensitive. I’m not I don’t know why I. I probably live in a house with four other highly sensitive people, some introvert, some extroverts. But these conversations are so important because we can learn each other’s gifts, but also we can learn what each other’s needs are and those that are in our lives.

00;16;19;09 – 00;16;30;26
David Hall
We can help create those environments for each other. And that’s why these conversations are so important. So even if somebody’s listening and they’re not our highly sensitive person, they probably have someone in their life. That is.

00;16;32;07 – 00;16;45;20
Jules De Vitto
Right. Absolutely. Yeah. And I think what you’re saying is so important in terms of really knowing what our needs are and honoring those needs. So yeah, yeah.

00;16;46;10 – 00;17;07;18
David Hall
And they might be different than somebody else’s, you know, but that doesn’t make your need any less valid, you know, it’s really what you need. And you know, you talked about that, you know, we need space from time to time, whether it be as a highly sensitive person or introvert. And I might need some space, you know, that somebody else doesn’t, you know, but I still need it.

00;17;07;18 – 00;17;15;00
David Hall
And it’s not. If somebody else doesn’t need the kind of recharge time that I need, it doesn’t mean that it’s not a valid need.

00;17;15;20 – 00;17;51;19
Jules De Vitto
Right? Exactly. You know, I find that comes up a lot with sleep because a lot of highly sensitive people need a lot of sleep and perhaps more sleep than the average person. And so there can sometimes be this kind of shame around that or a sense, again, that there’s something wrong with them because they need maybe 9 hours of sleep where the average person is getting, I don’t know, six or 7 hours, but, you know, it’s like you just said, it’s about having the courage to speak up and say, actually, this is how I feel.

00;17;51;21 – 00;18;20;07
Jules De Vitto
You know, maybe I feel overwhelmed and exhausted and this is what I need. I need to sit for 9 hours tonight and trying to honor that, although I know that can be difficult and the society we live in as well, because it doesn’t always give us the opportunity to honor our needs in that way. You know, often society in the world is against us, unfortunately, because it is so busy and hectic and we’re jumping from one activity to the next.

00;18;20;25 – 00;18;24;27
Jules De Vitto
So sometimes it can really feel like we’re going against the mainstream.

00;18;26;10 – 00;18;47;08
David Hall
Yes, I think sleep is a great example because we do have different needs. I hear about these people that need 4 hours a night and I’m like, Oh wow, I cannot function. I don’t even do well for one day with, you know, I’m probably pretty average, probably usually around 8 hours. But everybody has different needs. Some people need less.

00;18;47;14 – 00;18;57;18
David Hall
That’s the whole thing is we need to find out, you know, what our unique needs are and to honor those. What are some common myths around being a highly sensitive person?

00;18;59;07 – 00;19;33;01
Jules De Vitto
Yeah, good question. So related to what I was just saying, one of the myths is that being a highly sensitive person means that you’re broken a week or more, more vulnerable in some way. And that’s definitely not the case. I think we really need to reframe our understanding of the word sensitive. So for me, it’s more synonymous with empathy and compassion and creativity and being aware of opportunities.

00;19;33;22 – 00;20;01;27
Jules De Vitto
So that’s definitely a myth. When you hear, Oh, I’m a highly sensitive person, doesn’t mean that your broken or even more anxious, because that’s something that can come up a lot. A lot of the time people think, Oh, sensitivity. So you’re more anxious. And then that’s not the case. Some people can experience anxiety, especially if they’ve had more difficult childhood experiences.

00;20;01;27 – 00;20;18;16
Jules De Vitto
But like I said earlier, the great thing about that is the sensitive person then can then go on to overcome their anxiety and actually flourish more because of their challenging experiences. So I also see that as a strength in a way.

00;20;19;03 – 00;20;44;28
David Hall
Yeah, and I think that’s what these conversations are so important for, because we can be anxious because of our personalities, but we can overcome those things with some understanding. And you know, when I talk about introversion, I talk about, you know, that I was shy and anxious when I was younger. But by understanding my introversion and my strengths and needs, those things went away.

00;20;45;03 – 00;20;58;04
David Hall
And that’s what it that’s what it was for me, is understanding who I was and not trying to be like somebody else. And I was able to get rid of my anxiety and and gain confidence.

00;20;58;04 – 00;21;20;02
Jules De Vitto
Yeah, absolutely. I was just going to say, you’re reminding me of some of the tools that I have used in my life and also what I use with my clients, my highly sensitive clients when I’m coaching them. So the thing that I found the most helpful in terms of my journey is mindfulness. And having a regular mindfulness practice.

00;21;20;21 – 00;21;44;27
Jules De Vitto
So I really think that’s cool in terms of, you know, finding an anchor or a way of grounding yourself. So because we are so overstimulated and we’re taking in so much information all the time, I found it’s really helpful to take time every day, to practice mindfulness, to just notice the thoughts and notice what’s going on in the body.

00;21;45;26 – 00;22;10;27
Jules De Vitto
And as well as that self-compassion. That’s one of the things I love to talk about the most, and I think it’s really related to us finding a way to embrace and accept ourselves for our unique traits and being compassionate towards ourselves rather than trying to change ourselves or become someone else.

00;22;10;27 – 00;22;14;06
David Hall
So tell us what transpersonal psychology is.

00;22;15;11 – 00;22;44;06
Jules De Vitto
Yeah, great question. Again, I keep saying that they’re all great questions. So transpersonal psychology is why I studied my masters in and it’s why I am now a transformational coach. So my coaching is transpersonal orientated and transpersonal psychology is not something that many people actually know about. It’s not well known, but they call it the fourth force in psychology.

00;22;44;24 – 00;23;24;10
Jules De Vitto
So it’s one of the most recent developments in psychology and it is basically more of a spiritual or holistic or integrative approach to psychology and healing and our well-being. So it integrates an understanding and an awareness that we have this spiritual dimension to who we are. It’s also about connecting with altered or more expansive states of consciousness and acknowledges that we are on a spiritual journey, that we’re spiritual beings having a human experience.

00;23;24;10 – 00;24;05;05
Jules De Vitto
It’s quite a well-known phrase, and yeah, it’s really about helping people to understand their spiritual journey or their that purpose and meaning in life as well. In my coaching with highly sensitive people, from a transpersonal perspective, I’m really helping people to connect with what I understand as a sole purpose. So I believe that as sensitive people, we have a sole purpose, a reason for being, and it’s about finding that purpose, you know, our mission in life, what we’re here to do, what we’re how we’re here to help people and help ourselves.

00;24;06;13 – 00;24;20;00
Jules De Vitto
So, again, it is really moving away from this idea that we need to fix or change ourselves or that there’s something wrong with us. It’s more about we have we have a reason for being we have a purpose and we want to connect with that.

00;24;21;07 – 00;24;44;25
David Hall
Yeah, absolutely. We don’t need fixing. We need understanding. You know, I love how you said that we do each have a purpose and we need to figure that purpose out, but embrace who we are and the gifts that we were naturally given for. For some reason, you know, and and not try to be like somebody else or or not try to just to shy away from our gifts.

00;24;45;15 – 00;25;22;20
Jules De Vitto
Yeah, absolutely. And just to add to that, quickly, you know, in terms of transpersonal psychology, transpersonal psychology is also about moving away from pathologizing people. So unfortunately, a lot of mainstream therapy or coaching coaching or counseling content to label people, diagnose, put people into boxes like we were talking about saying someone is anxious or someone is depressed or someone has a diagnosis.

00;25;22;20 – 00;26;00;28
Jules De Vitto
And from the trans person perspective, we’re really trying to look beyond that and not see someone as a label or a diagnosis, but see them as something more than that. And I think that any challenges we have in life, whether it is depression or anxiety, is there to teach us something. It’s there to help us on to perhaps a different path in life, or it’s a calling for us to connect with a different way of being.

00;26;00;28 – 00;26;10;28
Jules De Vitto
So yeah, it’s really a completely new perspective in terms of any, any struggles we might go through in life.

00;26;10;28 – 00;26;29;11
David Hall
Yeah, yeah. I couldn’t agree more. It’s it’s not about what’s wrong, but it’s really about who we are and being able to breath authentic selves, you know, how do you help people find who their authentic self is and step into that purpose in life that you’re talking about?

00;26;29;11 – 00;27;03;00
Jules De Vitto
Yeah. So over the years of working with highly sensitive clients and being highly sensitive myself, I have developed this framework and there are eight different areas I focus on and that I talk about. And I believe that these eight areas are really the keys to us living more authentically and stepping into our power as highly sensitive people. So one of them is mindfulness.

00;27;03;00 – 00;27;48;27
Jules De Vitto
So having a mindfulness practice, one of them is about setting healthy boundaries and yeah, knowing how to have boundaries because that can be quite a struggle for sensitive people. One is about the self compassion that I spoke about, so being more compassionate towards ourselves and then it’s about integrating different parts of ourselves into our psyche as well. So what I mean by that is a lot of sense to people can unfortunately disconnect from certain parts of themselves because they feel ashamed of being a certain way.

00;27;49;24 – 00;28;23;11
Jules De Vitto
So part of our journey towards being more authentic is integrating those parts back into ourselves and becoming more whole again and knowing that all parts of us are okay to be seen and to be acknowledged. And then, yeah, the last parts of this model really are what we were just talking about in terms of really finding our meaning and purpose as in life for our unique message and passion is because it’s different for everyone.

00;28;24;11 – 00;28;52;14
Jules De Vitto
And then finding a way to connect to this more spiritual dimension. So I always say it doesn’t matter what your religion is, what as spirituality, what our belief system is, we all have this in a sense of knowing there is something more than our individual cells. So no matter what our belief system, we can find a way to connect to this spiritual dimension.

00;28;53;05 – 00;29;18;04
Jules De Vitto
And that could be, you know, for some people, that’s as simple as going out into nature and being connected to nature. That can be that spiritual practice. That can be a way of. Yeah, coming more back into alignment with that truth and authenticity. So yeah, those are some of the ways I work with people and that’s how I understand the.

00;29;20;06 – 00;29;28;10
David Hall
So you do one on one coaching, but you’ve also started the highly sensitive human academy. Tell us a little bit more about that.

00;29;29;13 – 00;29;59;05
Jules De Vitto
Yeah, that’s right. So the Academy is I call it a central hub. It’s a place where I’m really trying to build a community and I’m building a community of highly sensitive people. So there’s two levels, two at one level, as people who identify as being highly sensitive and want resources that can help them to come back into that authenticity and alignment with their true self.

00;29;59;05 – 00;30;36;15
Jules De Vitto
So I offer a lot of meditations and courses, short courses on the topics we’ve spoken about. So how to set healthy boundaries or how to cultivate self-compassion. And then, yeah, the thing that I’m most excited about at the moment is in September I’m offering an online training which is on how to coach highly sensitive people. So it’s really for coaches or professionals or leaders who might be highly sensitive themselves, but also want to help other solutions to people and want to know how to coach and mentor them.

00;30;37;06 – 00;30;58;20
Jules De Vitto
So it’s a three months training and I’ve put all of my resources together, all of my skills and work over the past few years into this course. So yeah, I just really want to help those who are already working in this profession to know how to support highly sensitive people.

00;30;59;22 – 00;31;14;01
David Hall
So when are talking about some of the things that you coach about, you mentioned boundaries a couple of times. Just get into that a little bit more like how how do you set appropriate boundaries as a highly sensitive person?

00;31;15;02 – 00;31;43;16
Jules De Vitto
Yeah, boundaries is something that always comes up because like I said, we can struggle with it a lot because we are so empathetic and we’re so in tune with our environment and other people’s needs. So often we can neglect our own needs because we prioritize other people. So we end up saying yes to too many things. We also, you know, there’s different types of boundaries.

00;31;43;16 – 00;32;18;03
Jules De Vitto
So we can have personal boundaries, boundaries in terms of space, energetic boundaries, emotional boundaries. So yeah, generally as highly sensitive people, we can struggle in all of those areas. I’m not saying that’s always the case, but generally it comes up a lot. So then what happens and this is really interesting because we do get so overwhelmed and we end up saying yes to too many things and taking care of other people’s needs before our own.

00;32;18;17 – 00;32;50;19
Jules De Vitto
We then end up doing the opposite, which is putting up like a solid wall in front of us and becoming disconnected from the world and from ourselves and other people, because it’s almost as if it’s too much. So we have to put out this wall and yeah, we disconnect from ourselves and to the world a little bit. So really the key is to find a balance and have a good level of discernment before it gets to that point.

00;32;51;23 – 00;33;18;23
Jules De Vitto
So it’s really about knowing ourselves and connecting with our needs. We spoke about just how important that is in terms of knowing what we need and when we can really check in with ourselves and ask what do I need right now? We can then discern whether to say yes or no to something instead of thinking about what other people need or what the right thing is for others.

00;33;18;23 – 00;33;44;14
Jules De Vitto
We we need to prioritize ourselves a little bit more. And sometimes, unfortunately, people saying, Oh, well, I’m being selfish if I do that. But I say, it’s not being selfish actually. If you know, we want to be there for others, we need to first show up for ourselves and and be there for ourselves and nurture and nourish ourselves first.

00;33;44;14 – 00;34;03;28
David Hall
So how do we work with that? Because, yeah, it could be seen as being selfish, but how do you help those that are in your life that you love? Or maybe you work with that, understand? You know what? I love you or I care about you, but I do need this for myself. How do you how do you share that and help people understand your your needs?

00;34;05;17 – 00;34;37;24
Jules De Vitto
Yeah. So I’m a big fan of something called nonviolent communication. That’s a tool I use a lot, actually, in my practice. So nonviolent communication, I think is amazing because it’s all about learning how to check in with what you’re feeling, what you need, and then communicating that with others. So first, as I said, we need to really connect with ourselves in a mindful way, connect with our bodies, notice what we’re feeling.

00;34;38;09 – 00;35;22;26
Jules De Vitto
It’s surprising a lot of the time how we don’t always know what we’re what we’re even feeling. So to develop awareness surrounding our feelings and then asking, now what do we need? What’s important to us right now? And then communicating that. So in nonviolent communication, there are specific ways you can practice speaking up and communicating with others exactly what you need in a very empathetic and compassionate way, which I find works really well for highly sensitive people, because, of course we want to be empathetic and compassionate in how we communicate.

00;35;22;26 – 00;35;26;00
Jules De Vitto
So yeah, that’s just one tool. I find this really helpful.

00;35;27;00 – 00;35;51;20
David Hall
Very good. And that’s just so important that we understand each other’s needs, know those people that are in our lives, that they understand our needs, but we also understand their needs as well. So a lot of communication needs to continue to occur. You’re a fellow podcaster, so you have the highly sensitive human podcast. What made you start that?

00;35;51;20 – 00;36;22;02
Jules De Vitto
Yeah, so I do also have a podcast, right? And yeah, it’s interesting because I wanted to do a podcast the years actually I had it on my mind and I thought, I really want to start talking about sensitivity and start interviewing experts in the field and having these conversations to really develop awareness and understanding of the trait. But it took me a long time to actually start.

00;36;23;15 – 00;36;45;25
Jules De Vitto
I was procrastinating a lot, and I think this is a great example of where I had a bit of a battle between my introversion being sensitive and then wanting to speak up and put myself out into the world. So there was a bit of a battle for a while and I had to find a resolution with that so I could actually start the podcast, which I did.

00;36;45;25 – 00;37;17;23
Jules De Vitto
And so now, yeah, I interview experts in the field talking about different areas related to sensitivities. So, you know, I’ve spoken about my sensation speaking about bipolar and being a sensitive person. I think we’ve spoken about anxiety and what it means to be highly sensitive. So a lot of different subtopics around the central theme of hypersensitivity.

00;37;19;11 – 00;37;38;11
David Hall
Yeah. And again, as you said, as we said in the beginning, we have a lot to say and so podcasting can be a great way to do that. And some people might be surprised, like, wait, you’re an introvert, you’re a podcaster, right? So what do you say to that?

00;37;38;11 – 00;38;14;01
Jules De Vitto
Well, what I say is, yeah, I know it can be confusing for people. I think often I can be confusing because, you know, some of the things I do seem to be a contradiction in comparison to my traits. But I say that, well, it’s my passion and my purpose in life actually, to spread awareness about sensitivity. And I feel so driven to create awareness and educate people in terms of the trait and how to support and empower highly sensitive people.

00;38;14;20 – 00;38;29;28
Jules De Vitto
So that for me overrides, any struggles I might have in terms of being more introverted because it is my passion and it’s in alignment with my authentic self.

00;38;30;25 – 00;38;58;01
David Hall
Yeah, absolutely. Again, we have a lot to say. And yes. And also I think we talked about a lot of times it is the one on one that we enjoy having deep conversations and that’s what a couple of introvert podcasters are doing right now. We’re a great conversation and about topics that we care deeply about. And so it’s it’s not funny to me at all that we’re we’re both podcasters.

00;38;58;01 – 00;39;00;07
David Hall
So anyway, just I get that sometimes.

00;39;00;19 – 00;39;41;00
Jules De Vitto
Yeah. Yeah. And just to add to that, you know, I really value connection and community. So I think that’s another myth as well. You know, because we’re introverted or highly sensitive, there can be the belief that we don’t like connecting with people or we don’t like talking and community. But for me it’s the opposite. I love connection. I need a community as well, but it’s really about being in community with people who you can relate to and resonate with, but you can really talk about these deep topics.

00;39;41;06 – 00;39;52;24
Jules De Vitto
Like I said, for me it’s psychology, philosophy, spirituality, anything deep and meaningful. That’s where I really feel alive and nourished.

00;39;54;00 – 00;40;20;24
David Hall
Yeah, absolutely. So I like that you brought the myth up. Of course, we like connecting with people. It just may look different from the connection that somebody else needs, you know? And again, it’s still very valid, just yeah, it’s it’s silly that people have that myth. And that’s why I started podcasting, actually, because it was during the pandemic and, people were talking a lot about introverts and what they need and who they are.

00;40;20;24 – 00;40;39;11
David Hall
And a lot of it was not true. A lot of people were feeling bad about themselves. And I’m like, I got to give more of a voice to this because there are great strengths and we also have to talk about our needs. What would you say is the thing that you personally value most about being a highly sensitive person?

00;40;40;21 – 00;41;18;13
Jules De Vitto
Well, I think that’s what we were just talking about, that ability to really connect so deeply with people on a 1 to 1 level or even in a group setting, because for me, I do believe I’m very empathetic and compassionate. And I also have this desire to really. Yeah. Heal myself off and heal others. That’s a big part of my purpose in life.

00;41;19;15 – 00;41;53;19
Jules De Vitto
So without my sensitivity, without my traits, my ability to process so deeply and feel so much empathy or feel things so deeply, I don’t think I would be able to do the work I do today as a coach or in a healing context. I often talk about this this concept of the wounded healer and this wounded healer archetype says that, you know, for some of us, we go through a lot of struggles in life.

00;41;53;19 – 00;42;24;00
Jules De Vitto
We have a lot of challenges that we have to overcome. But because of those struggles and challenges, we then can go on to be the healers and helpers for others in the world. So I believe that archetype is directly related to being highly sensitive. So now I’m just so grateful for my my trait and my sensitivity because I couldn’t do the work I do today if it wasn’t because of that.

00;42;24;00 – 00;42;46;14
David Hall
Absolutely. And we need a whole lot of healing. And so it’s very important, you know, the gifts of healing that people have. And again, we all have different gifts. And what are our gifts? Oh, jewels this time went by really fast. You know, we’ve talked a lot about the great gifts of being highly sensitive and honoring your needs.

00;42;46;23 – 00;42;50;01
David Hall
Is there anything else that we didn’t hit on that you want to talk about?

00;42;51;18 – 00;43;18;28
Jules De Vitto
No I can think of right now, but knowing my my tree, I’ll probably remember later on that there are things that we didn’t touch upon. Yeah, no, I think it’s been an amazing conversation. And like you said, I’m sure we could carry on talking about this 4 hours. That’s so much to say. But I really appreciate what we have touched upon today.

00;43;19;26 – 00;43;25;21
David Hall
Yeah, absolutely. And so just where can people find out more about the great work that you’re doing?

00;43;27;04 – 00;43;49;03
Jules De Vitto
Yeah. So you can visit my website, which is highly sensitive humans dot com or go to the academy which is academy dot highly sensitive humans. And also I am on Instagram, Facebook, I have a Facebook group, so it’d be great to share those links with everyone and hopefully. Yeah. To stay in touch.

00;43;49;24 – 00;44;02;13
David Hall
Yes. Okay. And I will definitely put those in the show notes. So thanks again for the great conversation, sharing your own journey and just talking about we have some great gifts and we need to share those with the world. So thanks Jules.

00;44;03;05 – 00;44;04;08
Jules De Vitto
Thank you so much.

00;44;05;27 – 00;44;25;16
David Hall
Thank you so much for joining me. I look forward to further connecting with you. Reach out to David at Quiet and Strong E-Comm or check out the Web site. Quite strong dot com. It includes blog posts, links to social media channels and send me topics guests you would like to see on the show. If you’re interested in getting to know yourself better.

00;44;25;22 – 00;44;46;24
David Hall
There is now a free type finder personality assessment on the quite strong website. This free assessment will give you a brief report, including your four letter Myers-Briggs code. You can also purchase the full report. If you’d like more details, I’ll add a link to the show notes. There’s so many great things about being an introvert and so we need those to be understood.

00;44;47;06 – 00;44;58;18
David Hall
Get to know your introverted strengths and needs and be strong.

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