A cup of coffee with the words,'self-silencing and success'.

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Show Notes

Are you tired of holding back your thoughts, opinions, and ideas due to the fear of disapproval or ridicule? Do you think that as an introvert, finding success in expressing yourself on social media or beyond is just a distant dream? Well, think again! In this episode of The Quiet And Strong Podcast, host David Hall sits down with Fifi Mason, author of the insightful book “Stop Self Silencing: A Quiet Impact Maker’s Guide to Showing Up and Speaking Out on Social Media and Beyond.”

Join Fifi and David as they dive deep into the world of self-silencing and personal branding. Discover powerful techniques to overcome the obstacles that hold back quieter individuals from expressing themselves authentically, both in face-to-face interactions and in the digital realm. Fifi will share insights from her book and offer practical tips for breaking free from self-doubt, while also discussing the importance of personal branding and its impact on success as an introvert.

Throughout this episode, you’ll learn how to reframe negative thoughts and shift your perspective from self-focused to service-focused using Fifi’s “what if game” technique. You’ll uncover the secrets behind developing a well-defined personal brand that aligns with your values and effectively communicates your unique qualities. And by the end, you’ll feel empowered to stop the self-silencing, show up confidently, and make a lasting impact on social media and beyond.

If you’re ready to transform your mindset, overcome self-doubt, and discover your true voice as an introvert in a noisy world, then this episode is for you. Don’t miss the chance to learn from Fifi Mason’s wisdom and the actionable steps she provides. Tune in now, embrace your quiet strength, and be strong.

Introverts and Success: Myths and Realities with Fifi Mason

Welcome back to another episode of The Quiet And Strong Podcast. I’m your host, David Hall, and today, in episode 148, we have the privilege of exploring a very insightful and much-needed topic: the myths surrounding introversion and success, particularly in business and social media. Our esteemed guest, Fifi Mason, sheds light on this subject and shares her journey as an introvert finding her personal brand and helping others to do the same.

Embracing Introversion for Personal Success

As an introvert myself, I’ve always been passionate about clarifying that introversion isn’t a flaw that needs correction. Instead, it’s a component of our identity that we should embrace. During our conversation, Fifi candidly shares how initial challenges in her career were due to not leveraging her introverted nature. By being generic, she struggled to attract the right clients. Her evolution into personal branding and subsequent love for it led her to assist other introverts in playing to their strengths.

The Misunderstanding of Introversion

Misconceptions surrounding introversion can cause individuals to feel broken or inadequate. Fifi discusses the impact of resources like personality tests and Susan Cain’s groundbreaking book, which profoundly influenced her understanding and acceptance of her introverted nature.

Organizing Summits for Introvert Success

Fifi’s commitment to empowering introverts extends to organizing summits, which provide valuable insights into marketing, networking, and thriving as an introvert in business. These platforms emphasize personal alignment, energy management, and harnessing inherent abilities, such as keen observation, to chart unique paths to success.

The Three Needs for Introvert Success

During our enlightening chat, Fifi underscores three necessities that introverts require for achievement:

  1. Belief in Oneself: Confidence in one’s abilities and the contributions one can make.
  2. Balance of Energy and Capacity: Understanding and managing one’s energy for optimal performance.
  3. A Sense of Belonging: Finding a community or environment where one’s introversion is acknowledged and valued.

Uncovering Authenticity and Rebranding for Impact

We delve into Fifi’s own rebranding journey, where she began to connect with her ideal clients by embracing her introverted nature. From struggling with extroverted strategies to finding her niche, she shows how essential authenticity is in business.

Tools for Growth and Support

Fifi shares various means through which she supports others, including her coaching programs, YouTube channel, and a self-silencing quiz available at phifymason.comforward/connect. The importance of addressing self-silencing, a behavior that stifles sharing ideas due to fear of judgment or inadequacy, became apparent to her, leading to her writing a book on the topic.

The “What If Game”: Reframing Negative Thoughts

The “what if game” is a technique Fifi advocates to combat self-silencing. It helps shift perspective from self-centered fears to a service-oriented mindset. This mindset shift allows introverts to focus on the value they can provide rather than be bogged down by their insecurities.

Personal Branding as a Visibility Tool

Fifi’s expertise in personal branding is pivotal for introverts who wish to stand out. Establishing a genuine personal brand involves aligning one’s actions with personal values and communicating effectively, which Fifi assists clients with by identifying barriers and developing tailored strategies.

Energy Management for Introverts

As introverts, managing our energy is crucial. Fifi advises setting aside “no people days” and arranging schedules that allow for rejuvenation. Understanding one’s energy levels and planning accordingly helps maintain productivity and mental well-being.

Confronting the Challenge of Self-Silencing

Fifi’s latest book, “Stop Self Silencing: A Quiet Impact Maker’s Guide to Showing Up and Speaking Out on Social Media and Beyond,” is a resource designed to address the common issue of self-silencing among introverts. She recognizes the need to encourage quiet individuals to express themselves without fear.

Understanding Self-Silencing

Self-silencing stretches beyond just keeping quiet; it involves disregarding our perspectives due to apprehension about disapproval or criticism. Factors contributing to this tendency include the fear of being perceived differently and worrying about others’ feelings. Recognizing these triggers is the first step in overcoming them.

Honoring Introversion

As we wrap up this episode, both Fifi and I hope to bust the myth that introverts can’t achieve success in extroverted arenas. By understanding introversion and utilizing our innate qualities, introverts can indeed carve out their own paths to success.

Key Takeaways

  • Introverts can be successful in areas like business and social media if they embrace their strengths and personal branding.
  • Introversion is not something to be fixed, but embraced and understood.
  • Personal branding and showing authenticity is crucial for introverts to attract the right clients.
  • Introverts have strengths like observation and finding their own way of doing things.
  • Three needs for introvert success are belief in oneself, balance of energy and capacity, and a sense of belonging.
  • Self-silencing is a common behavior that introverts should address to express themselves fully.
  • Fifi Mason offers coaching programs and has written a book on self-silencing and personal branding.
  • Fifi suggests taking a quiz on self-silencing on her website and provides resources on her YouTube channel.
  • Managing energy as an introvert involves setting boundaries and allowing time for reenergizing.
  • Fifi wrote a book called “Stop Self Silencing” to help introverts overcome obstacles in expressing themselves.

Make Changes Now

After listening to this episode of The Quiet And Strong Podcast, here are three actions you can take immediately to embrace your introverted strengths:

  1. Take the self-silencing quiz: Visit Fifi Mason’s website phifymason.comforward/connect to take the self-silencing quiz. This quiz will provide insights into whether you tend to hold back and not speak up due to self-doubt or fear of disapproval.
  2. Reframe negative thoughts with the “what if game”: When negative thoughts arise that make you feel inadequate or unqualified, play the “what if game” to shift your perspective. Instead of thinking about what could go wrong, focus on how your ideas or contributions could positively benefit others. This mindset shift can help you overcome self-silencing tendencies.
  3. Develop your personal brand: Recognize the importance of personal branding in becoming visible and showcasing your strengths. Start by identifying your core values and defining what makes you unique. Align your actions and communication with these values and create content that reflects your authentic self. Consider seeking out resources or coaching programs, like the ones offered by Fifi Mason, to guide you in developing and refining your personal brand.

Remember, embracing your introversion means accepting and leveraging your strengths. By taking these actions, you can start your journey towards success as a quiet and strong individual.

Contacts and Links

Thank you, Fifi Mason, for your incredible insights and for joining us today. Remember to check out the show notes for links to Fifi’s quiz, website, and new book. And of course, for more resources or to continue this conversation, visit my website at quietandstrong.com.

Remember, as introverts, we have unique gifts to offer the world. It’s about embracing who we are, finding our own approach, and ultimately, making a quiet but strong impact.
Until next time, be strong.

Fifi Mason is a creative soul with a passion for helping others. She firmly believes that finding one’s quiet strength and speaking up can lead to meaningful impact. As a visibility and impact coach, her mission and purpose are to assist individuals with quieter voices in showing up authentically and effecting the change they wish to see in the world.

Get Fifi’s Book: Stop Self Silencing: A Quiet Impact Maker’s Guide to Showing Up and Speaking Out on Social Media and Beyond.

Connect with Fifi on Socials: fifimason.com/connect

– – –

Contact the Host of the Quiet and Strong Podcast:

David Hall

Author, Speaker, Educator, Podcaster

david [at] quietandstrong.com

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Time-stamped Overview

02:11 Freelance designer attracted wrong clients, needed to change approach.

05:29 The author struggled to give effort, but discovering they were introverted led to self-discovery and a desire to help other introverts with personal branding.

08:27 The author discovered their introversion through personality tests, research, and Susan Cain’s book.

10:42 To understand and navigate introversion: 1) Understand your personal definition, 2) Accept that you’re an introvert, and 3) Adapt your approach accordingly.

13:51 The needs for personal branding are belief, balance, and belonging.

18:12 The text describes personal rebranding and success by targeting introverts and quieter individuals. Overcoming challenges and self-silencing is discussed.

20:47 The author is writing a book about self silencing, which prevents quiet and introverted individuals from expressing themselves due to fear of consequences and rejection.

23:33 The book discusses 5 reasons why people hesitate to share personal information, especially on social media, due to the fear of how others will perceive them.

29:07 The author expresses uncertainty and fear about sharing ideas, both in person and online, due to potential questioning, disagreement, and aggression.

33:12 The what if game helps shift perspective from self to service mindset, focusing on helping others and making an impact.

36:49 Building a strong personal brand is vital for success in the online world. Aligning who you are with how you want to be perceived brings opportunities and clients. Authenticity and individuality are key in standing out and being desired to work with.

40:02 Having a structured schedule helps manage energy and avoid overwhelm during calls and coaching sessions.

42:29 Discover introverted strengths, prioritize self-care.

Podcast Transcript

Fifi Mason [00:00:00]:

To bust the myth of that you can’t do something because you’re an introvert. So oftentimes, I will hear I can’t have a business or I can’t be visible on social media or I can’t. And there’s always this can’t kind of statement that they can’t do it because they are an introvert, and it’s a complete lie. There are many, many successful introverts that just have found a way of doing it that works for them. And so not using it as an excuse is is the the biggest thing, so not necessarily a myth, but, yeah, just believing that your introversion does not hold you back.

David Hall [00:00:55]:

Hello, and welcome to episode 148 of the Quiet and Strong podcast, especially for introverts. I’m your host, David Hall, and the creator of quietandstrong.com. This is a weekly podcast dedicated to understanding the strengths and needs of introverts. Introversion is not something to fix, but to be embraced. Normally, we will air each episode on a Monday. Be sure to subscribe on your favorite platform. Leave a review. That would mean a lot to me.

David Hall [00:01:20]:

Tell a friend about the podcast and help get the word out there that introversion is a beautiful thing. Fifi Mason is a creative soul with a passion for helping others. She firmly believes that finding one’s quiet strength and speaking up can lead to meaningful impact. As a visibility and impact coach, her mission and purpose are to assist individuals with quieter voices in showing up authentically and affecting the change they wanna see in the world. Alright. Well, welcome to the Quiet and Strong podcast, Fifi. It’s so good to have you on today.

Fifi Mason [00:01:51]:

Thank you so much for having me, David.

David Hall [00:01:54]:

Absolutely. And we’re gonna get into a new book that you put out there and also just some great work that you do supporting introverts. But before we do that, I always like to start with just tell us a little bit about yourself, your journey through being an introvert, and now helping and coaching other introverts.

Fifi Mason [00:02:11]:

Yeah, of course. So my journey started in 2018 when I became a freelance brand and website designer and Previously before that I’d worked in in the marketing industry but I felt like I had to get out there and do it by myself. It was it was that time for me. And that 1st year, even though it was a fairly successful year for a 1st year, I realized that after a time, I was attracting the wrong kinds of clients. And the reason was because I wasn’t putting myself out there. I wasn’t sharing anything about myself personally. I was being very generic in the content I was sharing and just not being me and not showing who I am and and that inevitably attracted the wrong kinds of clients, clients that I didn’t get along with, we had personality clashes with, and, and a couple of clients that really just it brought me to tears after after having like conversations with them, and it was not not a very good time for me. It got to a point where I just thought I need to make a drastic change in what I’m doing in my business to align with it more and have more of a connection and find that joy again.

Fifi Mason [00:03:48]:

So I went on this personal brand journey, which well, it was a self discovery journey, but it was all about developing my personal brand and learning about personal branding. And ultimately I fell in love with that whole process because it’s about figuring out who you are, what you’re all about, and then who you want to help the most and finding those people in the world to actually really make a difference in people’s lives and through that whole process, I realized that I’m an introvert and I didn’t even know what it really meant. I’d heard of it, of course. I’d found people talking about it before or overheard the word never really clicked with me that it was something that I should be, aware of in some way. But when I started learning more about my personality and really, yeah, just figuring out what I’m all about, it it was so clear to me that that was the reason why I had been struggling so much in the in that 1st year of being visible and putting myself out there because of the challenges with not liking to be in the spotlight of, of really feeling like I I just wasn’t yeah. I just wasn’t. It wasn’t the confidence. It was more around the energy, I suppose, is is is the best way to describe it.

Fifi Mason [00:05:29]:

It would be just not feeling like I could give that much effort to it and and really struggling with that and really struggling to find my capacity or my energy balance around it all and and just learning more about what it means to be an introvert was just a transformational, it was just a transformational time for me because it just meant that I everything started to click. It was it was it was interesting how I looked back in at my past, and I was like, now that makes so much sense. Because every time there were certain things where I’d had a few challenges or felt like I was different in some way, or I I just just wanted to be by myself, for instance. Like, I always thought it was something wrong with me rather than it just being who I am. And so really that whole self discovery period and learning more about personal branding was what the was the catalyst for me learning about who I am, and and learning about introversion. And so because I learned that, I decided that introverts and quiet people like myself were the people that I wanted to help the most and because I fell in love with that process self personal branding, figuring out who you are, how you put that into your brand, and how you show up in the world, that’s what I decided was gonna be my thing. It was like a calling for me, to to help introverts and quiet people with their personal brand.

David Hall [00:07:20]:

Awesome. Too many people that have felt like there’s something wrong with them. And As we know, for me, when I felt like something was wrong, what was wrong was my understanding or misunderstanding of introversion. That was what was wrong. It wasn’t my introversion. Introversion, as we both know, can be a beautiful thing. It’s just you have to understand it.

Fifi Mason [00:07:40]:

Yeah. Exactly. I always I always felt like when I’d heard the word, it was just something that was for those who were the shy people or, or maybe those that just were antisocial in some way, and it was those misconceptions that most people seem to have around the term introvert. But when you actually learn about it and you you think about what it means to be an introvert, that’s when, that’s when you actually understand yourself better and and realize it’s not it’s not that we are wrong. It’s that we have the wrong misconceptions around it. Definitely.

David Hall [00:08:20]:

Yeah. So what made this all click for you? Was there a certain book or resource or or something that made it click?

Fifi Mason [00:08:27]:

Well, there were a couple of things. So the 1st time I was doing personal, once I was doing personality tests, and every time it was, there was introvert in there, and I was like, what does this mean? What does this mean? And then, I think so it was the Myers Briggs one, of course. And then they did do the big five, and it was and it said I’m very high in introversion or very low in extroversion, I suppose, what it is. And so I said, well, what’s the opposite? What does that mean? And then, of course, when I started talking about it more and asking people or researching, I came across Susan Cain’s book, which is just the best way to learn, what I think is the best way to actually learn the true way of viewing introversion, as as a whole, it’s it it covers every aspect, which is great. So that was the most informative for me, but then talking to more people like yourself doing my doing my virtual summit in 1st year of doing that, which was was just a year after I’d figured all this stuff out and, talking to more introverts and and really learning from others as well. So so a few different things, but, yeah, all of those things.

David Hall [00:09:50]:

Yeah. Yeah. Definitely, Myers Briggs was very influential to me in in making this change, and there were some great books. You’re not the 1st to mention Susan Cain. I think the book is about going on 10 years right now, and so many people have said that that brought awareness to them that, hey. There is nothing wrong with me. I have some great strengths as as an introvert. Yeah.

David Hall [00:10:12]:

You put on some amazing summits. That’s how we met. You invited me to be on your 1st quietly summit. I have to think it’s really about introverts sharing with other introverts how to be successful, You know, how to be successful in marketing or networking or public speaking or managing your energy. Mhmm. So what do you say when people say things like introverts can’t be good public speakers or good at networking or good at anything? You know? What what do you say to that?

Fifi Mason [00:10:42]:

Well, obviously, the first step is to understand what it means. And when I say that, I think it’s understand what introversion means to you because there is so many definitions, so many variations of how you could approach it. And and if you actually think about the the whole scale of it that that it’s introvert on one side and extrovert on the other and no one is one way or the other completely. It’s it’s really dependent on you, so you have to understand what introversion means to you. And so I say start there and that’s the first step is accepting that you’re an introvert and understanding how and then it’s understanding how you actually approach that. So if you find yourself needing more downtime because you’re an introvert, then it’s it’s then being aware of that. And then if you are to be considering going to a networking event, for instance, and you know you’re gonna have this down this kind of burnout at the end or this energy drain at the end of it, it’s it’s navigating that. So so how I break that down is is understand, no accept, understand, and then adapt.

Fifi Mason [00:12:13]:

So you accept that you’re an introvert, that it’s okay to be an introvert, understand but understand what it means to you, and then adapt to how you’re going to navigate that in your life and really start thinking about the the ways that you can manage your energy, manage how or any of those situations that become challenging for you because of your introversion, but also working to your strengths as well, in those aspects.

David Hall [00:12:45]:

Yeah. Speaking of strengths, what’s a strength or two that you have because you’re an introvert?

Fifi Mason [00:12:52]:

I think one of the main strengths in me is, I would have to say observation. That has been my biggest strength because I have always learned by watching other people, observing what’s going on and and then finding my own way of doing things. And I think if you can tap into that, it’s it’s one of the best ways to start to figure out where you’re gonna go, what you’re gonna do, how you’re gonna do things, despite being observant and using that strength of observation that we have as introverts. Yeah, that’s definitely my top one.

David Hall [00:13:37]:

And so we talk about strengths and needs, and you were talking about definitely the need to recharge Charge after maybe going to a networking event. Is there any other needs that you’ve really discovered, hey. As an introvert, to be successful, I need this?

Fifi Mason [00:13:51]:

Oh, great question. Well, what I think from my perspective of helping people with personal branding and visibility is we also have the these 3 needs, belief, balance, and belonging. So belief is belief in yourself, belief in what you stand for, what you’re what you’re all about. And then balance is it comes back to the energy side of things, but also the capacity that you have to spend on things, understanding your capacity and also working to your strengths, your core capabilities within what you do. And then the the third thing is belonging, which is to really have a strong sense of belonging in who you’re helping in the world, whether that’s as a coach or an impact maker, which is who I help the most now working with those who wanna help other people, and it it’s just having a really clear understanding of who you want to impact in the world and and creating spaces to bring those people together and create belonging within your community. So there there are the 3 things I would suggest.

David Hall [00:15:22]:

Absolutely. And then the other thing that we do is we bust miss here. So is there a minute or two about introversion that you wanna bust today?

Fifi Mason [00:15:31]:

I’m sure most of them are being busted many, many times on this show. I would say to bust the myth of that you can’t do something because you’re an introvert. So oftentimes I will hear I can’t have a business or I can’t be visible on social media or I can’t and there’s always this can’t kind of statement that they can’t do it because they are an introvert, and it’s a complete lie. There are many, many successful introverts that just have found a way of doing it that works for them. And so not using it as an excuse is is the the biggest thing. So not necessarily a myth, but, yeah, just believing that your introversion does not hold you back.

David Hall [00:16:28]:

Definitely, there’s myths out there. Introverts can’t be this or can’t be that like you’re saying. And I always say it’s it’s not really if. It’s the the question changes to how. Like, how can you be successful? So I I use public speaking as an example. You know, my extroverted friend might just get up there, wing it, and be amazing, and everybody loves her speech. But for me, I can do the same thing, but I I have to put in a different style of preparation in order to be successful. And I I can’t.

David Hall [00:16:57]:

I mean, my my winged speech might be okay, but it’s gonna be so much better if I do the introverted preparation I need to. And it’s not that we can’t do things. It’s just the how, You know, how we’re gonna do things might change.

Fifi Mason [00:17:09]:

Yeah. I totally agree.

David Hall [00:17:11]:

So before you kind of put the finger on that you’re an introvert, you actually went to work on your own. Is that the case?

Fifi Mason [00:17:18]:

Yes. So I started before I even realized I was an introvert, I was starting my business and and just going to and and going to a lot of networking events, making lots of connections, and really struggling with a lot of those more extroverted ways of approaching things. And and then yeah. And it just made me go around to that point where I just ended up working with the wrong people, the the people that were probably more extroverted, more, just not aligned with my personality and and realising that that wasn’t gonna work for me. But, yeah, I knew it it was I started before I knew I was an introvert. Yeah.

David Hall [00:18:07]:

Sure. So how did you start to draw in the right people for you?

Fifi Mason [00:18:12]:

Yes. So it just it just ended up that I when I went through that process of personal branding. I started re well, I I I did a big pivot, a big rebrand of myself and started putting myself out there with new messaging, with the new with this core message of helping introverts, helping quieter individuals, with their personal brand, and so it just, yeah, and things took off because I was being more specific and and really speaking to others that had the same challenges that I’d been through, and it just made it make so much more sense and be more authentic, in I was sharing a message that that was completely authentic to me and, starting to put myself out there in in those ways and working through some of the challenges as I was doing that are showing up. We’re going to talk about this self silencing and how working through some of those obstacles, with some of the tools I’ve now developed as well, has helped me. Yeah.

David Hall [00:19:32]:

And so you learn to be your authentic self. Now how do you help those you work with need to learn that? How do you help them Find out how to be their authentic selves.

Fifi Mason [00:19:43]:

That’s what that’s what I do through my book, through my through my coaching programs and and that kind of thing and it’s all about working on figuring out who you are as I said and and Getting a really good solid understanding of yourself to start with but then if you’ve got specific problems, specific challenges, I should say, around self silencing and and holding back because of certain reasons, then working through those to really get get past the obstacle before you start to put yourself out there as much as possible.

David Hall [00:20:28]:

Okay. Well, let’s get into your new book. So you just released I’m gonna read the whole title here. Stop self silencing, a quiet impact maker’s guide to showing up And speaking out on social media and beyond.

Fifi Mason [00:20:40]:

Yes. That is the new book.

David Hall [00:20:43]:

And so what, made you write your book?

Fifi Mason [00:20:47]:

I decided to write this because well, I’m writing another book called Impact Rules and as I was on this journey of writing that book became clear that I was I was gonna have to miss out this huge portion of talking about what self silencing is. And I thought, well, actually, I need a dedicated book on this topic to really help people understand this first obstacle and It’s it’s been over the past few years, I’ve noticed that for quieter more introverted people individuals they Have they have these obstacles along the way of getting visible. And it really starts at the beginning stage, which is the show up stage, and it’s when they are stuck in their head mostly and struggling to to move past what I call self silencing. And this is at its core, when we hold back our thoughts, our opinions, we’ll dismiss our own ideas and perspectives because we fear the potential consequences and it becomes a self imposed barrier that just prevents us from speaking out and sharing who we are with the world. And I kind of I could describe it in this scenario where you might have a brilliant idea or unique perspective and you you believe that you could genuinely impact others and and contribute in a meaningful way if you were to share it, but you have these thoughts in your head, these fears, these doubts. Like, what if They laugh at me? What if they don’t agree? What if they reject or ridicule me in some way. And so as a result, we we end up holding back, and we we suppress those thoughts. We suppress those feelings and we just decide not to say anything and and this is basically self censoring ourselves, self silencing, and stifling our own thoughts on our own voice because there could be some discomfort, there could be disapproval, and and really just struggling to to move past that.

Fifi Mason [00:23:33]:

And there are there are 5 reasons for this that I can go through, is what is inside the book, which I talk about. The first one is that you worry that those you care about will see you differently and this is one of the most common barriers because it’s quite specific in that we struggle to show a different side to ourselves because we’re worried that those who are closest to us are going to change their opinion, change their perspective on us, or even start questioning why we are saying those things, especially on social media, and and maybe they’ll change their point of view, their their view on you in a negative way because of it. And so very often, people will hold back and not share anything because of that. Do you do you feel like you’ve ever had that experience?

David Hall [00:24:41]:

Yeah. Of course. Of course. Ed, that’s kinda why we do the work that we do is because I always say You know, there’s another myth is that introverts have nothing to say, and that’s the furthest from the truth because you and I, we’re always thinking. Right? So we have a lot to say. We’re not gonna share everything. That’s just not our natural process. So we’re gonna think first and then speak.

David Hall [00:25:06]:

But there’s so many things like you’re talking about that, you know, we have this great idea we wanna share, but there’s so many things that get in the way. Absolutely. I’ve definitely self silenced my myself in many ways over the years. And fortunately, I’ve come to understand who I am and that what I have to say is important in how to do that. So those things that you’re talking about, I I relate to.

Fifi Mason [00:25:30]:

Mhmm. Mhmm. Yeah. Well, that first one is is is probably the most common where where it’s it’s really around those who we care about seeing us differently. And I think that’s the one that people struggle with the most when they’re especially starting out in in getting visible in some way and and and sharing more about themselves on social media or even in their lives a little bit as well. And the second reason is that you feel responsible for other people’s feelings. And this is when we take on the the responsibility of other people and how they might feel about something, they might get upset or they might get angry. And rather than sharing something that could impact people positively or start conversation that needs to be had about something.

Fifi Mason [00:26:33]:

It’s all about just worrying about what someone might feel in that instance. So it’s it’s really holding back when when you fear that people might think you’re, maybe even being sales y, a lot of people struggle with that kind of promoting themselves in some way and they feel that they might make someone uncomfortable because of it. So there’s a lot of different ways that that can kind of show up, but taking on the responsibility of how people feel even though it’s it’s just not it’s not something that we should be doing, it’s something that we should obviously, be conscious of in terms of not being hurtful in some way, but also not taking on that responsibility.

David Hall [00:27:27]:

Yeah for sure

Fifi Mason [00:27:30]:

The third one is you feel your thoughts and ideas are insignificant and and I think for a small, quieter, introverted individual, this one becomes a bit of a challenge when there is louder voices in the room or those that that that just seem to have this natural way of of kind of talking or putting themselves out there or however it is. They just seem to be able to do it naturally, whereas for for those quieter, more introverted types, we we do kind of struggle in in some senses in that way and and then we can start to think that nobody cares, nobody nobody’s gonna it’s not gonna matter what you have to say because there’s other people out there that can say it. So that is number 3.

David Hall [00:28:29]:

I used to be shy when I was younger, and one of the causes was that as an introvert, I’m thinking deeply, And my ideas may be different from other people. And so getting rejected for having a different kind of idea Kinda contributed to my shyness. But when I realized, hey. You know what? Sometimes being different is what’s needed out there. We need to have some different thoughts and ideas to make things better. That was definitely self silencing for me is is just thinking, oh, well, People think my idea here is weird, but just coming to understand, hey. You know what? It’s good to have some different thoughts and ideas.

Fifi Mason [00:29:07]:

Yeah, again, yeah, that that one is it probably ties into that that third one in in that, yeah, just feeling like the ideas aren’t the same ideas that other people are coming up with. So why why does it matter? Why is it why, like, why should I even say it because maybe I’m wrong? That kind of thing. Yeah So the 4th one is you’re unsure that you could defend your ideas, and this comes up often because it’s it’s really well, it comes up in in 2 different ways. There is the face to face, and there’s the online way. So in person, it could be that you’d be avoiding a situation or in a situation situation where you would avoid saying something because you’re worried that someone will question you about it to your face and, disagree and maybe They they might take talk over you. They might they might question you so much that you end up stuttering and not being able to articulate your words in the right way because you’ve not had time to think through. And then in the online world, the worry is is a bit different because you do have time to, think through responses, of course, but there could be people who are a bit more, a bit more aggressive, a bit more opinionated. They can be more negative because of the whole anonymity of the Internet a little bit.

Fifi Mason [00:30:46]:

And and you might get people that, like, debate you and question you in in certain ways. So you might hold back from sharing certain things in the online world just because you don’t wanna start any kind of debate will have any kind of confrontation. Yeah. So that’s number 4.

David Hall [00:31:08]:

I’ve been through that too.

Fifi Mason [00:31:11]:

And then the final one is you feel you don’t have a right or you’re not good enough, which could probably tie in again to what your point around weird that maybe your ideas are weird. But I think this takes a different stance in it’s more around not feeling qualified enough or that you’ve not had the right experience is to share your thoughts on something. And so you just don’t speak about it. You don’t talk about it because you feel like someone else is is a better person to talk about that topic and it like all of these, ends up being that you hold back. You you don’t share the valuable thoughts and ideas that you’ve got going on in your head because you’re just really worried that there are gonna be these negative consequences. And often, they are perceived that way, they are they’re not real because when you do start to show up and start to move past this as in a gradual process of really understanding the reasons why you could be self silencing and then starting to gradually put yourself out there working through it, working past it to to share more of yourself, share more of your ideas, your experiences. You start to see that these things are generally not going to happen. So they are more perceived fears and and what we think is gonna happen, but it doesn’t always happen.

David Hall [00:33:02]:

Okay. So with all these reasons why we might self silence, What can we do to have our voices be heard and be visible?

Fifi Mason [00:33:12]:

Well, as I said, the first step is acknowledgment, and then it’s really taking those gradual steps. But one little tool I can share with you today, which is in the book, but I have I have a few other exercises as well, is is called the what if game, and this is to it’s just to flip your perspective in those moments where you are having those what if questions running through your head. So you would just have a piece of paper and you would put you would draw out 2 columns and you would put self in the 1st column then silence, then service in the 2nd column and then you would list out the what ifs that are going through your mind in those moments. And it could be something like, what if I what if someone says something negative And then in the next column, in the service column, you would write what if from the service perspective? And that could be what if someone needs to hear this today and it helps them to take action So it’s flipping yourself, your your perspective from self to service and really showing up with a service mindset so that you’re serving people, helping people, putting other people and the impact you can make in other people’s lives as at the forefront rather than the the things that are going on in your own head. And it’s just a really quick reframing technique, and it will, yeah, just take you out of your head and bringing back down to to connecting with the purpose that you want to that you have and the and the impact that you want to make in the world.

David Hall [00:35:17]:

Yeah. Absolutely. And I think that’s probably one of the challenges is is we are in our heads, which is a good thing, but we also have to get out of our heads from time to time.

Fifi Mason [00:35:26]:

Yes. Exactly.

David Hall [00:35:29]:

And, Vivi, I I recommend and I really enjoyed your book. Is there anything else about your book that we didn’t talk about yet?

Fifi Mason [00:35:36]:

No, that’s that’s it. So it covers what self silencing is in a bit more detail to what I’ve described. It goes through in more detail all those five reasons you might be self silencing, and then it has a few extra exercises, tools in there to help you move past self silencing. So, yeah, that’s it. That’s it. It’s a mini book. It’s a small book, but I wanted it to be short, impactful, and really just take you to the next stage of of working through those challenges.

David Hall [00:36:11]:

Yeah. And as I shared before we hit record, I I’m a fan of the mini book. You know? Let’s get something we can digest quickly and actually make a difference right away. So, again, very good, and we’ll look forward to your next book too.

Fifi Mason [00:36:24]:

Yes. Yeah. I’m excited for that one as well. And it’s an it’s another tool that helps with this as well, so it’s just going in more detail. Mhmm.

David Hall [00:36:32]:

So, Fifi, when I think of you, I think of your work in helping Others with branding, especially for introverts. And so, you know, as we’re talking about having the voice, tell us a little bit more about having a well defined brand and how How that helps you to become visible.

Fifi Mason [00:36:49]:

Yeah. So having a strong personal brand is is really, really crucial. It’s all about figuring out as as I’ve said all through this, figuring out who you are and putting that into the world and showing people what you’re all about and really aligning everything that you do with the way you wanna show up and be perceived. And I think it’s one of the most important things to do when but nowadays, because we are so involved in the online world and and how you’re being perceived and showing up is is what can make or break you in some ways. It it brings all those opportunities. It brings the clients if you have a business. It’s if you’re not showing up authentically, if you’re not being you, you’re not standing out, you’re not you’re not going to be the one that people want to work with the most, in if you’re not being yourself, and I think it’s really important to Yeah, take that time to find that strategy Or define your strategy in in how you’re going to show up.

David Hall [00:38:09]:

So definitely being authentic is key. What are other ways that you help your clients develop their brand?

Fifi Mason [00:38:16]:

Yeah. It’s all well, with with the with the coaching, it’s all about figuring out again what is stopping you, what is getting in the way, those barriers, and then having that strategic kind of approach where you start to get clear on how you’re going to communicate everything, how you’re going to show up and and the content you’re going to create and getting clear and having those goals in place so that you know you’re going to be doing the right things in your business.

David Hall [00:38:52]:

Yeah. And, again, like, we’re talking about, it’s how to do it, bringing your introverted strengths and honoring your needs.

Fifi Mason [00:39:00]:

Yeah, all on your terms, figuring out how to put your personality across and and do it in a way that aligns with you. Yeah.

David Hall [00:39:11]:

And then just kind of back to introverted needs, what are ways that you manage your energy, and how do you find your quiet time that you need?

Fifi Mason [00:39:20]:

One of my favorite ways is to I have no people days.

David Hall [00:39:26]:

I remember you talking about that, and I’m a little jealous. I

Fifi Mason [00:39:30]:

have days where I don’t talk to see anyone. I absolutely love it. And I do keep that quite strict. So every Monday, I I I actually live by myself as well, so it’s just me and my dog all day long. If anyone comes to the door, I’ll ignore it. If anyone, like, emails me, I ignore it. So it’s a it’s a day where I’m just nothing. Nothing at all to do with anyone else, just me in my own space.

Fifi Mason [00:40:02]:

So it’s a no people’s day for me. And then the other thing that really helps the most is is just having a good schedule of, especially as a coach, having to be on calls with people all the time, maybe there’s sales calls, there’s coaching calls, and then also the promotional side of things, it’s really just having things set at certain times of day and then making sure that I have time to reenergize between each session that I might have a conversation. And they’re the they’re the few things that I do just to keep me, keep me not overwhelmed and make sure I’m managing my energy well yeah.

David Hall [00:40:50]:

Very nice. And, yeah, I don’t have any no people days, but I definitely could see the benefit. I’ll try not to email you on a Monday. We’ve talked a lot about a lot of great things today. Congratulations on your book. Looking forward to your next one. Is there anything else that we didn’t talk about today that you wanna share?

Fifi Mason [00:41:12]:

Not that I can think of. Actually, in fact, if you want some help to figure out if you are self silencing and why you’re self silencing, I do have a quiz on that so if you go to phifymason.comforward/connect, you will see the quiz on there. I have another quiz and, you have a YouTube channel, and all the links are on that page, so you’ll find everything on there.

David Hall [00:41:40]:

Very nice. I will put that in the show notes as well. Fifi, we’ve had a great conversation. You’re doing some amazing work, so thanks again for being on the show today.

Fifi Mason [00:41:48]:

Thank you so much for having me.

David Hall [00:41:51]:

Thank you so much for joining me. I look forward to further connecting with you. Reach out at david@quietandstrong.com or check out the quietandstrong.com website, which includes blog posts, Links to social media and other items. Send me topics or guests you would like to see on the show. If you’re interested in getting to know yourself better, there’s now a free Typefinder personality assessment on the Quiet and Strong website. This free assessment will give you a brief report including the four letter Myers Briggs code. I’ll add a link to the show notes. There’s so many great things about being an introvert, so we need those to be understood.

David Hall [00:42:29]:

Get to know your introverted strengths and needs and be strong.

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